Building a Vision Beyond Motherhood with Danielle LaShawn

In a lively conversation with Jacqueline, Danielle LaShawn, a mom of four, author, content creator, and full-time employee shares her experiences of motherhood and self-transformation. Danielle emphasises the importance of maintaining personal identity and fulfilling individualistic goals alongside motherhood - a principal topic in her book 'Make a Deposit'. 

She explains the concept of identifying 'deposits' or small consistent actions that make significant impacts over time and keeps the individual enriched and motivated. Given the demands of motherhood, she advises on curating daily activities to ensure one's happiness and achievement, which indirectly benefits the family too. Transforming her journey and understanding to her widely acknowledged book presented an opportunity to connect with mothers who lost their identities to become mothers and help them reclaim their individualism.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome

00:15 Getting to Know the Guest: Danielle's Background

01:11 Unveiling Danielle's Book and Its Core Concept

03:04 Understanding the Impact of Daily Choices

03:20 The Power of Vision and Consistency

05:21 The Importance of Self-Identity in Motherhood

05:47 The Role of Structure and Balance in Achieving Goals

10:11 Overcoming Mom Guilt and Embracing Individuality

13:58 The Impact of Daily Choices on Relationships

16:22 The Evolution of Motherhood and Personal Growth

19:24 The Power of Positive Consumption and Self-Discovery

27:05 Final Thoughts and Advice: Just Get Started

28:04 Connecting with Danielle and Conclusion

• Danielle's YouTube Channel, website, and book
•  Join the Motherhood Intended Community
•  Follow @motherhood_intended on Instagram
•  Leave a review for the podcast
• Apply to be a guest on the show

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• 27:58 (Cont.) Building a Vision Beyond Motherhood with Danielle LaShawn

Transcript

Hey, everyone. I hope you're having a good week. It's been a busy 1 for me. I kinda feel a little all over the place this week. Um, but, you know, there's only so much room on my plate  to do all the things.

As I'm sure you can relate, you know, if you add something new to your plate, something's Something's gotta go. There's just not enough time to do it all. And this week, I was busy preparing for an event that I was planning for the elementary school. I'm a co chair for this Bingo for Books event as part of the PTA, so that was kind of eating up any little ounce of my time over this last week. I mean, of course, we've been planning for it for a while, but the week leading up to the event, you know, there's always always more to be done.

So that has  left me with not as much time to podcast or do other things that I've been wanting to get done, but It's all good. We all have weeks like this, and I am back to my happy place. I am on the mic and here to record and couldn't be happier about it. 

So today, I'm gonna be sharing with you a conversation I had with Danielle LaShawn McKnight. She is a lifestyle content creator and mother of 4. She is passionate about helping women achieve their goals and dreams by making daily deposits in themselves. While raising 4 healthy, well adjusted children, Danielle has adapted daily methods to pursue her own dreams and live life on her terms. She is also the author of the book Make a Deposit, which is a guide to rebuilding your identity and finding fulfillment after having kids. 

Of course, Danielle loves her husband and children, But she eventually began to sink into the mom role, which became her entire identity. I don't know about you, but this is Super relatable. I mean, I'm not even done having children or raising them, and I already feel like I've had a shift of, like, wait a minute. Who am I outside of motherhood. So now Danielle believes that making daily choices or small deposits Into your own happiness bank can add up to life changing improvements.

 In her book and on social media, Danielle shares struggles and strategies for creating an actionable life plan. Danielle's YouTube channel has over, like, 50000 subscribers who follow her budget friendly grocery hauls, meal planning, creative kitchen hacks. She gives insights into her family's life and the small deposit she makes in herself daily. This was a super interesting conversation, and I think it's a great 1 to just keep top of mind. As you are on your journey of motherhood and through every season, it's always good, I think, to circle back and make sure you're staying fulfilled and true to yourself.

Whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom, it is Super easy to get sucked into the all consuming thing that is motherhood. Of course, there are so many amazing parts of motherhood, and I don't know about you, but I am so proud to be a mom and so proud to have that title. But it's really important to stay fulfilled Have goals outside of motherhood and not lose yourself along the way. 

Trust me. You will be the best mom you can be if you are the best version of yourself, which means filling your own cup. I know you've heard this phrase, you can't pour from an empty cup. And let me tell you, that is so true.  I wanted to give a little disclaimer about this episode.

The audio quality is not up to par, in my opinion. Unfortunately, when we recorded this back in, I think it was September or October of 20 23, I was pretty convinced that everything sounded fine. And, of course, in post production editing, I heard otherwise,  but I really didn't want this conversation to go to waste. I wanted you to hear it. It's really enlightening, and I wanted to put Danielle's make a deposit book on your radar.

I hope you find this conversation entertaining and valuable. Of course, check out The book , it goes way more in-depth than anything that we're chatting about in this episode. And if it resonates with you or maybe another mom friend And comes to mind, be sure to forward this episode along To anyone who might be having an identity crisis or feel like they're just losing themselves in motherhood, I'm hoping this conversation will help pull those women out of it. Take a listen.

Hi, Danielle. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for joining me today.

Hi, Jacqueline. It's so great to be here. Thanks for having me. 

Yeah. I'm so excited to pick your brain on a topic that is top of mind for me very often, and I know listeners, will feel the same. Um, but first, I'd love to just get to know you a little bit. I know oh, you are a mom and an author. Tell me a little bit about yourself. 

Yeah. So I am, like you said, a mom, but a mom of 4. So I have a soon to be 17 year old, a 12 year old, a 10 year old, and a 5 year old. So we have a the full range of different, age groups and interests and 

Yeah. For sure. 

 A lot going on on this on this end.   Also a content creator. I, uh, have a YouTube channel. I'm on TikTok,  and I'm an author.  Also a full time employee. Ended up going back to work after being  a stay at home mom for 10 years.  And,  yeah, I think those are like the Yeah. Like high end. 

For sure. You're just a little busy. Important thing.  Yeah. You've got a full whole house and you wear many hats. That's amazing. 

Yes. 

So speaking of being an author, tell me about, your book. I know it was released earlier,  in the summer 20 23. Right? 

It was. So it's called make a deposit, a guide to rebuilding your identity and finding fulfillment after having kids. And the the premise is essentially that You're going to be figuring out what your deposits or the things that you can do daily that will make a big impact on your life over time when you do them consistently. So they are really small actions, and you're just gonna define your deposits, and then you're gonna Start making them on a daily basis.

And it's usually, like I said, something that's really small and easy to do, but over time, it kinda builds and compounds and turns into something that can really change your life.   So we go through the whole process of kind of talking about what deposits are, what withdrawals are, defining what they would look like for you because the deposit for me may be a withdraw for you. Yeah.

If I've made too many deposits, it I'll make another 1. It it could be essentially be a withdrawal for me because If you think about a with a a deposit in terms of, like, the things that are the best thing for you when you haven't done it, like, exercise, for example. If exercise is 1 of 1 of your deposit, you still need a rest day, so you still need to make a withdrawal in that area eventually after you've made enough deposit, then the withdrawal won't bankrupt you. So you need both. You need to make a deposit and withdrawals, but you need to make enough deposits that when you make a withdrawal, it doesn't affect you negatively.

 Okay. That is so interesting. I, you know, I think about this all the time. Obviously, as a mom, you're juggling all the things and it's really easy to lose yourself,  and, it feels like a roller coaster ride most of the time. But,  that's such a great way  to put it and just really easy to understand.

So with these daily choices or these, like, deposits that you're talking about, what is that building up to? Is this gonna help someone,  prioritize their life? Is it gonna make you happier? What's the goal? Because this seems very, very helpful.  Personally,  how has this changed your life? 

So the goal is to outline or figure out what your overarching vision is for your life. 

Okay. 

And so you're gonna create some smaller goals that will help get you to that vision.

So your vision is gonna be something where you see yourself in, like, 5 years, 10 years, 3 years. However you wanted define it. Mine was a 3 year vision. And, of course, this is, like, chapters in. We're not starting on page 1 like, hey. What do you wanna do in the next few years? 

Right.  

We're gonna build up to it slowly, but you will be making deposits from the very first chapter. The first deposit being just congratulating yourself for being a good mom and all the things that you've done so far.

The second deposit being figuring out or coming up with some words that you can use to describe yourself and things that you're good at and things that are good about you. And then we go from there and just they just continue to get a little bit more deep and a little bit you know? It just gets deeper and deeper as as time goes by. But, to answer the second part of your question. The goal is to figure out  where you would want to go, what you're working toward, and then figure out how small things you can do to get you there. And how it's helped Me. So 

Yeah. Sorry. I wrapped, like, 3 questions into 1. I was just, like, I need to know all the things. 

Yeah. That's fine. So I had several things as part of my vision and, like, my goals. 1 was to,  build a house, which I did. 1 with my YouTube channel to just be consistent with that, and I was you know, I still struggle with that. It's it's 1 of those things I'm still kind of working towards. So that is an ongoing goal for me.

Another 1 was to write my book. So my daily deposits were writing. I wrote every single day for, like, a year and a half. I did not miss a day. So 

That's impressive. 

Gonna it's really going to be what you're trying to work toward and  what are the best things for you to do to reach your goals because  they're probably not the same as mine. Yeah.  Probably way different. So it's really about just figuring out  what that thing is for you, what fires you up, what gets you excited, what you think is worth working toward.

Yeah. That's amazing. I'm just now you got my wheels right now. I think for myself and Motherhood  is so all consuming that it's so easy, to get lost in it all. Like, You know, even when you're done, say, having children, now you're raising children. And and as they're getting older, you're like, okay. But what what about me?

What am I doing here? In my experience, I've had, like, little goals here and there. You know? Like, I wanted to start a podcast. I did that earlier this year.

I wanted to do this and that. But, honestly, I feel like I'm all over the place because I don't have structure. And sometimes it feels so overwhelming of how to get there, especially with the day to day stuff of raising children and being a mom amongst other hats. Right? You know, maybe you're working, so that makes so much sense. And I'm really glad that you that you mentioned that. Obviously, we're not, like, starting at chapter 10. Like, what do you wanna do with your life?  Right.

Because a lot of times it just feels overwhelming. Like, where do I begin to make a change when life is busy and I'm in charge of, human beings, and this has been my big or soul identity for so long.

Yeah. I like the fact that you used the word structure because I think it doesn't have to be that structured. I think it just feels like a much bigger task than it actually is in practice.

It's actually small things that get you to where you wanna go, and it's like things that you think don't make a difference. Another good example would be, like, saying I love you to your partner or even to your kids. Over time, that creates new bonds the new connections and new ideas and actions that, you know, either your partner or your kids are taking toward you because you Took that small step. And it's really hard for me to, like, condense it down 

Yeah. Yeah.

In a conversation. But in the book, it does a really good job of breaking it down into really small bite sized steps for how to get there. But, yeah, I don't think that it has to be structured. I guess, more accurately, only 1 part needs to be structured. And that's deciding what you want and then taking note the right steps. So if you can do the right thing 70 percent of the time Yeah. You're still gonna get there. Okay. That makes me feel hundred percent is really it's really hard. They might even do anything a hundred percent right a hundred percent of the time. Yeah. Absolutely. Makes it way more attainable.  

Yeah. Uh, that makes me feel better. So these small deposits, or like these daily choices, like you said, for example, being more conscious of telling your spouse or your children that you love them. What kind of, small deposits did you start with or we're more conscious of  when you started  . 

When I first started before, I was writing the book and I it was, like, just me. Me, my my goals, and, like, my vision for my future. I think 1 of the biggest deposits I was making for me was my YouTube channel and just recording consistently editing and doing all the things that it took to keep that going. And that ended up actually funding my book. So it just kind of created the next step in the process for me.

And without it, I would not have been able, most likely, to afford to self publish my book. So it's like you just never really know what the next step is until you take the first. you just have to have a little bit of faith. First of all, really decide what you want, and don't be afraid to think outside the box or Write something down that sounds like you probably will not be able to obtain it because you don't know what you're able to obtain.

You don't know what's actually possible until you start. So don't limit yourself in your thinking when you're thinking about, you know, what you wanna see, who you wanna be, what you wanna do.  Really just imagine what you could be and what you want to be, and then write it down, and then figure out some steps. Figure out some things you can start to do to get you going in that direction.

Wow.  It seems so simple to write something down, but, honestly, I agree. I think it's so powerful when you, like, see it in writing, and you just say this is this is what I want. This is what I wanna do.

It's really like a snowball effect. I mean Mhmm. For me, it gets overwhelming for example, like, this time a little bit sooner, but this time last year, you know, I was like, I wanna start a podcast or something I've always wanted to do, but it's, like, overwhelming.

I'm like, but how do I get there? How do I start it? First thing. You know? Take a course. Start learning about it and then go from there. And, a year later, I wouldn't have imagined, all the things I'm doing. And like you said, just be consistent, get on your YouTube channel, and that was able to fund your book, which is amazing. And it's like these small deposits can have such a big impact if you just keep doing it. And I love that so much because I don't know.

I get super overwhelmed when I'm like, okay. I would love x, y, and z to be successful, but that just seems so, not reachable at the moment and in in this season of life. And, like you said, you you just gotta do it. You just gotta go for 

yeah. And it only takes a few  hours of thinking. And maybe over a few weeks or a few days or a few months. Like, there's no time limit on it. You don't have to rush yourself through the process. You can really take your time and really hone in on what you want. And I think  the first step of that is letting go of the mom guilt That we all tend to have when it comes to us doing things that don't involve our kids and remove them from the equation when you start to think about what you want. It's not about this. It's about you as an individual. That's the framing that I'm coming from in the book. We start off,  in the very first chapter talking about, you as a mom, but after that, I'm like, no. No more kids. Now it's about you.

Think about what you want for you. And any positive changes you make  it'll benefit your kids naturally. So it it's not like You're eliminating them from your life. You're just eliminating them from this decision. Just this 1. Just don't factor them into this 1  because they will be able to, withstand what you decide to do. 

That's the 1 piece that's, like, I I would assume. I know it is for me, but for a lot of listeners, that's the 1 that's hard to kind of, like, let go of because mom mom guilt is so strong. It can have such a big grip on you. And like you said, It might not feel like it in the moment when you're like, okay. I'm gonna set aside x amount of time in my day to work on my book or my YouTube channel or my podcast So whatever it is that is my goal or my working out, whatever it is,  it feels like you're, ditching your kids and not not, you know Yeah. Putting the focus on them or making it about them, but it all comes full circle. And every time I've, like, force myself to do this and step away and take time for myself to accomplish my own personal goals. I know that, the ripple effect is there, and you will be a better mom.

 For having those things for yourself because, oh my goodness, it is so easy to just get bogged down by motherhood and just that 1 sole title that everything else kinda falls to the wayside until years pass, and you're like, Oh my goodness. Like, where have I been the last decade? Like, what am I doing? 

Yeah. And that's that's where I was at that 10 year mark of being a stay at home mom. I was just like, this is not this can't be the rest of my life. I have to change or I'm gonna be miserable. So I think, first of all, we need to stop trying to present as perfect moms. Like, nobody's perfect. And it's okay to not like certain parts of being a mom. It's okay. 

That's huge. 

And I think we need to limit or statements when it comes to motherhood. Like, it's and. It's not I love my kids or I love myself.

It's I love my kids because multiple things can be true at 1 time. So I love my kids, and I don't wanna spend every moment with them. And I love myself, and I wanna be the  best version of myself, and  I wanna do this or that. It's like and. All of it is true at the same time, So you don't have to choose between being a good mom and doing things for yourself. You can do all of it. Or you can Yes. It's not wrong. 

Yes. That is so important for people to hear. I I know I needed to hear it because it doesn't feel like it King Bee and, and once you kind of let all those, statements go and just really hone in on that, , everyone will benefit from it. I know some of my listeners are even moms who have, like, struggled with infertility  and now have children and are mothers and, you know, it kinda puts even an extra layer on everything of, like, oh my gosh. I tried so hard  so I have to go all in. And I know I fell into this pattern for the first, 4 or 5 years of motherhood where I was like, I should just be grateful.  I thought I had to love every single moment of motherhood and everything about it, and,  that is just not the case. And it's not meant to  fulfill somebody all around. I mean, some people might be completely fulfilled by  motherhood  but it it's not meant to be, and it doesn't have to be that way. You are allowed to be a mom and, have a career and be fit and and all the other things, whatever I wanna do.  Yes. That and is important. I love that. 

And you're allowed to evolve. You're allowed to love it at 30, But, yeah, I love it at 35. So, like Yeah. I feel like I've gone through so many different stages of motherhood. Like, my oldest son is about to be 17. When he was 5 Yeah.

He was reading, writing, doing math, like subtraction, addition before kindergarten. He went to kindergarten with all that. My youngest child is 5 now, and she's not reading. She doesn't know all her letters yet.  It's a completely different experience, and I don't enjoy it as much.

I'll I'm also a homeschooler. Sorry. Okay.  So  So homeschooling her is a completely different experience from homeschooling him. It's just it just changes.

Like, at 37, I don't think I'm the same mom to her  as I was with him. And some things are better about the mom I am now. Some things are probably not not bad. 

Yeah. That's a really good point. 

We go through so many different phases as mothers and as people. So, You know, it's okay to not like it. To not like the other things about it. You don't have to. And it's okay to be like, I'm not I'm not the biggest fan of this part.  I prefer this. Yes. 

And that doesn't make you a bad mom. And I I really love that point. I've never really thought about it how, you know, as mom and as women, as the time goes on, years go by, you know, like, we're evolving as people, and that plays a big role, like you just said, about how you would either enjoy motherhood or what parts you like about it, what parts you don't. I used to think it was more so I always thought about, like, it from the kids' perspective. I'm like, okay. Well, as we know, every child is different.

You know? From your oldest to your youngest and  whether it's birth order or just the personalities. Like, every experience has been different with children. But it's also different, like you said, because as a mom, you're different. And that's such a great point to make, I'm expecting our third, and I will be 36.

And I was, you know, 6, 7 years ago, I had my first, and I am a totally different person in my opinion now than I was 7 years ago. So much has happened. So  it's expected that you are gonna be different in your life and in and what your goals are 7 years ago, when I became a mom, I was a stay at home mom, and I didn't have really many career goals outside of that. And the last 3 years, that's been very different. So I love that point. You're allowed to evolve for sure. 

Yeah. So 1 of the things I'm struggling with right now is that she's 5, and she's home with me. And Our new neighborhood doesn't have a lot of kids outside playing around, so she's having trouble making friends. So I'm, like, in this phase where I'm trying to meet other moms and trying to do play dates with her and all that kind of stuff. So it's it's opening me up to doing things that are outside of my comfort zone.

Yeah. Yeah. 

Necessarily need new friends, but I have to make new friends to get her totally.   We actually had a family over yesterday that we recently met, and They were playing and all that, and the mom that came over, she is on her third child, but she's only 5 years into her journey.

 We were talking about how  I'm at the point where I'm 17 years in, and I'm like, I'm over it. I don't really wanna be good enough certain things. And she's like, I'm like, whoo. This is fun. I'm only 5 years in.  So it's just it's it's it's an interesting concept to think about, like, where you are in your journey at different points  in the process. 

That is really interesting. 

I was completely different at 5 years in than I am now. 

That brings up the point, like, it's not necessarily about how many children you have or, like, oh, I'm on my third child. It's like, yeah. If you've had 3 children in 15 years or 3 children in 5 years,  the experience is going to be different. 

So what made you want to write this book. I mean, it's such an interesting concept and such an important topic of mothers and losing themselves after having children. You know, even though you felt that way, what kinda made you wanna take that extra step  and put this book out into the world? 

Really, I think it was just me learning about myself, about the process of changing about how it's simple but not easy. Yeah. To do the right things but not easy to do them consistently. And I just think I have an interesting perspective  on a lot of these things and also being a mom and being a stay at home mom, specifically. It creates a different lens of how I was thinking about all this, and I was like, I really wanna share this with other women and other moms. And I think that the way that I'm presenting it will be easily digestible for them and hopefully really help them to breakthrough that mental barrier that's stopping them from becoming who they really wanna be. Because it's really just a decision. It's really like, okay. I'm not happy. I want something different. What do I want? Take the first step. That's really what it is.

Yeah. I love that you said It's simple, but the hard part is just being consistent with it. And I think that's just so great for readers because, again, as a mom, things can feel overwhelming and you often feel lost when your family is complete and  especially for stay at home moms. In my opinion, when you're out of your career or maybe you didn't start a career depending on when you had kids and you're just, now kind of jumping out there and trying to figure out who you are. It's overwhelming already. So knowing that simple things  can build up and really change your life is so encouraging. 

Yeah. It makes a huge difference in just how you think about it. If you think that it's gonna be hard and it's Too big for you to actually obtain and, you know, it's about your internal dialogue just as much as it is about making that first a decision because if you make the first decision, but then you tell yourself in your head, it's just too much. I just can't do it. It's not for me. Um, it's too hard.

You're not gonna do the right things on a daily basis. So Yeah. We get into, like, what you're feeding yourself as far as, you know, the the media that you're consuming, the books you're reading, the podcast you're listening to, the YouTube videos you're watching, and the TikToks and all that stuff. Like,  1 of the things that you're gonna do inside the book as, a deposit is to come up with a list of positive things you can listen to that will feed you the right things and motivate you to continue to go forward with your goals. The point is just to get people to see that it does make a difference and to pay attention to the things that do the opposite. Because 1 of the things I had to stop watching was,  true crime TV. 

Oh my gosh. I was just gonna mention that when you said it when you said Pay attention to, you know, what you're listening to and and that was the first thing that came to mind because I've gone in ways where I'm like, oh my goodness. I need to listen to a different podcast. Like, I cannot dive this deep into True Crime as much as I am because I just not Mhmm. It's not good for my mental health.

Yeah. It's making me paranoid. It was making me, like, just fearful.  It does so many things to you mentally, and you don't realize it's happening. And, when you start to pay attention to how you feel Internally, after you watch or listen to certain things or have certain conversations or,  you're around certain people, then you start to notice, oh, No. I don't like the way this feels. Maybe I need to change this specific thing. And over time, as you curate, what you allow yourself to listen to  and talk about and, watch.

It starts to have a positive impact on your your motivation, the things that you're thinking about throughout the day. I firmly believe that kind of stuff can really help with, like, depression and things like that. I think it's so, so, so important to really curate what you're allowing in on a daily basis. 

Yeah. I think so too. We're in a time in the world where,  there's everything at your fingertips always, all different platforms and medias and videos, and it's so easy to get sucked in.  I found this happening with me, like, in the first few years of being a mom. I had 2 under 2, and, um, I was a stay at home mom. And, you know, you're sitting there.

You're Whether you're feeding the baby or you're there at nap time when you're just sitting down for a second to, like, take a minute. You're scrolling your phone, and,  it was definitely making my own my mental health worse. You I'm just scrolling Instagram and seeing all these things basically, the repeated thing in my mind was like, I'm not enough.

Like, I'm not doing enough. Yeah. And it can take a toll on you. But surrounding yourself and curating I love that word. Curating, like, a list of things that would benefit you to consume like, this conversation right now is going to be helpful to so many people, and it can be truly great in propelling yourself forward if you are listening to the right things. I believe that wholeheartedly, 

yeah, the 1 of the best things you can do for is to is to really pay attention to how things affect you, especially conversations with people. Because if you talk to someone every time and they drain you, Then they'll probably not the person for you to be talking to.

You wanna feel good after conversations with people. And after certain conversations, maybe you need to have a boundary with someone in your life and say, you know, this topic is off limits. journey is a hundred percent about self discovery and figuring out who you are as a person, who you wanna be, and where you wanna go, and figuring out the best tactics to get yourself there. And, again, it's just very individual and very personal.

So, I can tell you some of the things that work for me, And maybe some of the same things would work for you, but I it just really is going to be trial and error and and just honing in on what makes you feel the best, what makes you perform the best. 

That makes so much sense.  It also kinda sounds like someone could start doing this and really benefit from your book at any point in motherhood, whether you're just getting started or you are a seasoned mom.

Yeah. I think you could benefit from it even if you're not a mom. The tour. At the point where you're trying to become a mom or you don't even wanna be a mom. Yeah.

 I think there are so many things in there that you could learn and implement  because it's written from the perspective of somebody who is a mom, But it is not for mothers specifically because, again, this is about you as an individual. So any individual To benefit from it. But because I'm a mom and that's where I lost myself, that's the lens I wrote it from. Because I know that's a really common thing that happens with with other women when they become moms. We just society tells us that that's the right thing to do.

To drop everything, you just focus on your kids and Make them a hundred percent, spend 95 percent of your time thinking about them and doing things for them and with them and, Yeah. I think it's unhealthy to a degree to be with your kids that much. For me, it makes me,  I can't be the best mom if I'm, like, frustrated or Right. Like, overstimulated. It just it's a lot To be with somebody all the time. Anybody. 

Yeah. I I completely agree. 

To be with yourself sometimes.

Yes.

To be by yourself.  

Be with your thoughts.

Yeah. And you don't even have to go anywhere. Like, I would just get in the car and go up the street. Like, I wouldn't leave the neighborhood. Yeah. But I just needed to be out of the house to think and just 

Isn't it amazing, like, how much just something like that can help it's kind of, like, life changing when you just take a minute. You're like, Wow. I I know there's been times where I'm like, I don't remember the last time I've just sat with my own thoughts, or been able to, I should say. 

Yeah. And it's really hard to get clarity when you're always with somebody else. It's really hard to conceptualize what you want for yourself if you don't make that time for yourself. So whether it's in the morning before they wake up or if it's when they're at school or when they're taking naps or after they go to bed, You really have to start making that time for yourself so that you can even begin to start to think about what you want. Because it's gonna be really hard to come up with these ideas While they're running around screaming and Oh, yeah. You know, do a lot of things that kids do. So 

Yes. That's true. It's very hard when you're overstimulated and everyone's around you   even if it's 10 minutes in the morning just to focus your mind. I think that would be helpful. As you were saying  this could really be beneficial to everyone, I I totally agree. And the other  person that really came to mind is, somebody who is, say, struggling with infertility or maybe going through infertility treatments. It's very similar to motherhood and the fact that, like, you're so focused on it and,  all consumed by it for quite some time.

And that happens to a lot of people  whether you're going through IVF or whatever. You know, that's the goal. It's like get pregnant. Get pregnant. And from my experience, , you do. You start to lose yourself in in that. And you kinda forget who am I and what are my goals outside of, getting pregnant. And so this seems like it would be extremely helpful, 

I also think it might be helpful just to kind of, get some of these systems in place before you start to have kids. And then at least 

for sure. 

Framework to start from. Over time,  it's obviously gonna change. But if you can get some of these things outlined and get some of these, habit form and you're already starting to do them.

It's gonna be a lot easier to get back to it and to revisit that vision that you wrote and then just maybe make changes to it And revise it versus having to start from scratch. Like, I wish I would've done that before I had kids. 

Oh, that's great advice. I wish I would have known to do that as well. Um, I think there's a lot of times that wouldn't have felt so lost or overwhelmed if I had a framework. And

And it helps you to not forget who you who you are. Yeah. Well, that makes so much sense. Once we, become mothers, we become a whole different person, and  we just don't know. We don't know what we like. We don't know. Yes. We have no hobbies.

We have nothing outside of our kids, And it just becomes an endless cycle of laundry and cooking meals and playtime and nap time and all the things that you do with kids. And then you before you know it, you're just a shell of yourself, and that's Yeah. That's where I was. Yeah. And I was like, I have to get myself back. First.   My goal is really to get people to not get there or if they're there to get them out of it. 

I love that. So you're you're speaking from experience and you've are now you've created this this wonderful book that is going to help everybody else before they get to that a point, which is amazing, and I know so many people listening are going to benefit from this. There's so much good advice in here. Everyone just needs to read your book. But, guess if there's 1 piece that you could leave listeners with,  1 piece of advice, whether it's in motherhood or going after what you want, what would, parting advice be.

I think it's the same whether you're a mother or not, and it's to Just get started. Like, just decide on what you want and get started. And it doesn't have to be something huge in the beginning. Once you take that first step, the next step will appear. So you don't have to go after, like, the biggest thing you could think of right away.

Choose something and just start moving. And,  as you accomplish things, Your ceiling just gets higher and higher, so it increases your belief in yourself to accomplish something. So just start working towards something, and you'll eventually go up and up and up from there. 

I love that. If someone wants to buy your book, connect with you, where can they do that? 

 You can find me on YouTube at Danielle LaShawn, and my book is on Amazon. It's on Barnes and Noble. You can also find me on my website at by danielle lechon dot com, and there's actually a page on there with links to the book. At the top, it says book. Perfect. I'll put that in. It'll give you a direct link to the book, um, on both Barnes and Noble and, Amazon.

That's perfect. Well and I will be sure to link everything in the show notes so everyone could easily click there and head to your website and find everything. Thank you so much for being on the show today, Danielle. This was so insightful. You've got,  my wheels turning, and I I'm not even getting anything. I think I'm going to after this call to start writing some things down. So thank you.  Thank you for having me. 

Well, there you have it. Take this as a sign to write down your goals,  take a few minutes in the morning before your kids get up, go for a drive, Go somewhere where you can have clarity and really think about what it is that you want for yourself. What do you want out of your life? What's a goal that you have? You heard it from Danielle.

She took a year and a half and wrote every single day and  never missed a day because her goal was to write a book. What's your goal? What can you do today to move you 1 inch forward? Remember, we're not, like, reinventing the wheel here, and it doesn't have to be these big grand gestures. You just need to make small deposits in yourself, and you will feel so much happier and move yourself that much closer  to whatever it is that you want to achieve. Before you click out of this episode, be sure to check the show notes. There's links to everything in there as always. You can connect with Danielle, find her book, join our Facebook community group, follow motherhood intended on Instagram, and so much more. And get excited.

Our very first bonus episode of the year will be airing on Tuesday. So if you haven't heard, I'm going to be putting out 1 bonus episode a month,  and we're gonna be getting the dad's perspective on different topics. So for this first month, I had the opportunity to interview my brother who speaks on his first year of fatherhood in conjunction with battling a gambling addiction. You know the drill around here.

I like to have conversations that go beyond the highlight reel, and this is definitely 1 of those topics. It's something that so many people can relate with, whether they're honest with themselves or not. And if anything, is a story of hope and triumph and unconditional love from a father's perspective. So be sure to give to listen.

And next week, I will also have an interview with my sister in laws coming your way, and we are talking all things baby. We are gonna hear my 2 sister in law's birth stories, and then we're gonna talk baby stuff. I'm talking like products. What are the best products? What do I need?

It has been a little over 4 years since I have had any sort of newborn stuff in our house.  It feels longer than that, to be completely honest. I mean, we all know,  the toddler years are, like, longer. They feel longer. So it really feels like a lifetime ago since I've had a newborn.

So I had such a great time picking their brain about what the best products are, and what they think about different topics as it relates to newborns. So get excited. A lot of content coming at you next week.

As always, feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or suggestions for episodes or maybe you yourself wanna be on the show. There's a form in the show notes to be a guest. And last but not least, if you're in a place where you are struggling to conceive month after month, You're seeing those negative pregnancy tests, and maybe you're getting close to looking into fertility assistance. Grab my free month by month guide. There's a link in the show notes, but this Guide is it's broken down by months.

You don't have to start it in January. You know, my January could be your April. It doesn't matter. It just kinda breaks it out through the year of little things that you can do to stay calm and confident on your journey to baby. By grabbing that guide, you'll also be signed up for my email list, and we have weekly emails coming out soon.

Everything from new recipes to fertility tips and the latest episodes will be sent right to your inbox. So even if you don't need my month by month fertility guide, Feel free to click the link and sign up for emails so you can stay in the loop with the motherhood intended podcast. That's all I have for you today. I hope you have a great weekend. Happy February, and you'll hear from me again next week.