The Gift of Surrogacy: Alexandra French's Story

In this episode, Jacqueline shares her personal journey through surrogacy, from explaining the concept to her children to celebrating milestones and advocating for surrogacy awareness. She details visiting their surrogate in Texas, the excitement of her pregnancy, and her family's anticipation of welcoming a new baby. Moreover, she interviews Alexandra French, a breast cancer survivor, mother through surrogacy, and the founder of the Gift of Surrogacy Foundation, discussing the emotional, financial, and logistical aspects of surrogacy. They explore the importance of advocating for oneself in medical treatments, the challenges and rewards of surrogacy, and how Alexandra's own experience led her to start a foundation that supports others on their surrogacy journey. The conversation underscores the significance of surrogacy awareness, the transformative impact of gestational carriers, and the myriad paths to parenthood.

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00:02 Family Trip to Meet the Surrogate

03:58 3D Ultrasound Experience

09:32 Surrogacy Awareness Month and Guest Introduction

10:17 Interview with Alexandra French

10:38 Alexandra's Surrogacy Journey

24:25 Building Trust in the Surrogacy Process

26:38 Financial Challenges in Surrogacy

26:59 Emotional Hurdles in Surrogacy

29:02 The Importance of Support in Surrogacy

29:16 The Role of Agencies in Surrogacy

30:06 The Financial Impact of Surrogacy

30:54 The Emotional Impact of Surrogacy

38:56 The Gift of Surrogacy Foundation

46:47 Advice for Surrogacy Journey

49:51 Conclusion: The Gift of Family

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• 15:35 [Ad] Brilliant Beaver Guidebook - Audio Version
• 16:23 (Cont.) The Gift of Surrogacy: Alexandra French's Story

Transcript

Hey friends. Thanks for joining me today. If you listened to last week's episode, you know, that my family and I went down to Texas to visit our surrogate last weekend. Now, my husband and I have met. our surrogate in person a handful of times.

She's been to Chicago twice, and we had been down to Dallas twice. And then of course, obviously we communicate and have seen each other on Zoom, but those are the visits we've had in person. But our sons have never met her or her family. And again, our sons are six and four and a half, and we have explained to them.

We haven't necessarily used the word surrogacy with them, but they definitely understand that it is not safe for mommy to carry a baby in my belly, but there is another nice mommy out there that can keep our babies safe until she's ready to be born. And they know her name, they know where she lives.  We talk about it all the time, but it was really important for me to bring this whole experience full circle for them.

to meet her in person and to see her with her bump. She is now 34 weeks along, and it is just amazing, you guys. So I was really nervous for the visit, but also, of course, super excited. And it was just a really great weekend.  My oldest had a couple days off of school, so we took the opportunity to go down.

Got there on a Thursday night, left Sunday morning. It was also the weekend where my son turned six, so it was super fun to celebrate his birthday there. Obviously the hot commodity of, like, the weekend was just, like, being in a hotel with a swimming pool and a hot tub.

Like, the kids were so excited, especially being,  March and we're just, like, Over Chicago winter, um, especially because we're in the stage now where we get like glimpses of spring one day It'll be like 60 degrees and then it will hail and snow and yeah We're in just like the fake spring phase where we could get winter or spring out on any day so the swimming pool was a big hit  and we had given our son for his birthday these like diving numbers to go dive for in the pool, knowing that he's yet to go really underwater and dive either of our kids,  because of the pandemic, like they took swimming lessons when they were young, actually Noah did not.

Hunter did. When he was like one and a half, you know, with me, we did swimming lessons and for a little bit, and then the pandemic hit and everything closed down. And by the time everything opened up again, now I have two kids and I'm like my husband working and stuff. I'm like, I don't really actually know how to, I don't think that can work out.

I don't know how to take both kids, a baby and a toddler to swimming lessons. Like I just. So we couldn't do it.  and so over the last couple of summers, you know, obviously we've dabbled in pools, but they've never gotten an actual lesson. So I'm excited to report that,  because we gifted him like the fun toys to die for, and they were actually numbers and cause our kids love math, they're like really into math problems and this is.

Okay. It's a little bit of a brag, but like really good at math, like. I am still like freaking counting on my fingers for some things and I can ask them really hard math questions for a four and a six year old and they just like know it.  And it's like fun for them.  They'll literally be telling me and my husband like, Okay, 

give me another problem. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, like can't relate. Math was not my forte.  But so they were diving for these numbers to try and create the problems. You know, you'd pull a card and it says 12. Um, and then I got them goggles, these like super dorky goggles, but that like go over your nose and your eyes kind of like looks like you're snorkeling a bit.

 But I thought that that would encourage them to be able to like go underwater, put their face in the water for the first time. And for Hunter, it did. He loved it. He was diving in the water. He was doing somersaults. He was just like, All about the pool. It was awesome. Noah was all about the pool as well, but the goggles were short lived.

He was not a fan with them on his face. However, he was actually very willing to put his face in the water without goggles, so that was good.  Anyway, that was a tangent on swimwear and goggles. But,  really fun time.  On Hunter's birthday in the hotel and just making it a special day. And honestly, at their age, it's like being anywhere, just staying not at our house is like a fun adventure.

So grateful for that.  And so  we just kind of hung around Thursday night.   Into Friday. And then on Saturday we had planned, to meet our surrogate and her family at, I had  Like a 3d 40 ultrasound for us and we were all going to go,  her kids have never seen something like that.

And my kids definitely haven't. I mean, I've seen a 3d ultrasound before,  just given the fact that I was always with MFM having ultrasounds all the time in my pregnancies. But I had never been to one, like, I guess outside of a doctor's office. So it was a really cool experience. Um,  It was a bit of a bummer.

We were supposed to get, like, 30 minutes of video. We even had this,  link for live video. We sent it to our families so they can tune in. To see baby, get pictures, get video. But she just would not. Cooperate. Like, she, she was so shy. We got like a glimpse of her. And I will say we got a glimpse of like a smile, which just honestly, I would fly across the country again, just for that little smile in a 3D ultrasound blurb.

So we got a few pictures, but she had her hands over her face at first. And so the lady in charge suggested that our surrogate, she gave her juice. We waited five minutes. And then she had her like. Sit and bounce on a bouncy ball to see if  we can get her to change positions and Baby changed positions.

All right She basically like flipped over and our surrogate said she felt her moving around But by the time we got back with her laying down and like on the ultrasound she had flipped completely the other way and now All you could see was like the back of her head  and the tech even  checked her heart rate to see if  she was at a resting heart rate and baby had fallen asleep. 

Um, so noted,   the bouncing ball basically rocked her to sleep. It did not wake her up. It did not make her change in these like crazy positions. She just loved it and fell asleep. So,  um,  we did not, unfortunately, after trying different positions and trying to get  good pictures of her, like, they just couldn't do it.

So, like I said, we got a couple, But our surrogate will actually be going back tomorrow to try again and they're going to have her I think they said a smoothie or  like ice cream or shake or something like 30 minutes before something really cold With sugar should help baby be awake and moving around to get better pictures.

So It was a big bummer that we didn't get to see all of that in person. We are super grateful that we get to at least, you know, click the link and see it live via our computer. but I was just really excited to have the boys there. And I mean, let's be real. We were in this little room with an ultrasound, their little, she had her two kids there.

You know, the kids at one point just started playing with toys in the room because, you know, they, they saw what they saw and then they were like over it. It was more just like,  Me wanted them to see it. But, um, anyway, it was so, so special.  Just seeing her and seeing how big her belly is and getting a glimpse of our baby girl in 3d on the ultrasound.

And I can't wait to log in again and get more pictures. So stay tuned for that.  But it was such a special moment having our kids meet our surrogates kids. Like I said, Ours are four and six. She has a daughter who is eight and a son who is six.   After that, we grabbed lunch, brought it to the park, had a picnic and let the kids play and were able to catch up and chat and it just had me so, so excited.

I can't believe in less than six weeks, like baby's going to be here.  We have a scheduled induction date and we have our plan for traveling down to Texas and all of that. The nursery is done.  I mean, we're getting close, you guys. It is unreal. Coming from me who has just for years Dreamt of the day that I would be welcoming a daughter into our family.

I just,  I feel so very hopeful and I can't believe that it's almost here, but,  I still have like a little PTSD that it's just like, so hard to imagine it like actually happening, you know, like, we've been in this position  a few times before and it just like, hasn't worked out. I, I thought that's not to say that I have all the hope and faith in the world that she will get to us safely thanks to our surrogate.

But it is just, it's unreal. I guess is what I'm getting at. It is  hard to imagine that it's actually happening. It feels like a dream,  a dream. I am extremely grateful for and thank God for every day. So that's the update on us. 

I appreciate the continued well wishes and prayers and I will keep you posted. And for anyone who's wondering, cause I have been looking at a couple of different apps, you know, the baby apps to see how baby's developing, what size she is, what fruit she is. I am finding the comparisons on the what to expect app to be highly entertaining.

Like literally this week they said that she is, well first off at 34 weeks she is like five pounds and 17 to 18 inches. Which to me is pretty big considering my oldest was two pounds, one ounce when he was born and Noah was seven pounds. I always forget the ounces. I want to say seven pounds, eight ounces, either way.

I'm like 34 weeks. So she's already five pounds. Like  this is wild. This is wild to me. Um, but the comparison of size was let's see the waffle box. From Stranger Things, or a Happy Mealbox, or a Pineapple, or the book that Belle is reading in The Beauty and the Beast. I'm like, you've lost me. What to expect, App?

Like, you've actually lost me. I mean, am I Boys think it's a riot, I mean, they can definitely relate to the waffles and the Happy Meal but I, I'm not, I'm not getting the size comparison. I'm just . I'm just not, I, um, entertaining. Yes, uh, helpful in realizing how big she might be. Not so much anyway, 

for those who don't know, March is Surrogacy Awareness Month. So for the next couple weeks, I am interviewing guests related to surrogacy.

 Today on the show, I have the pleasure of interviewing Alexandra French. We recorded this interview back in December. So it's actually very interesting to see how full circle our conversation has come to where I am now in our surrogacy journey,

regardless, it is an interesting conversation. Nonetheless, Alexandra is a multifaceted professional and advocate based in Atlanta, Georgia. She's a mother of two children, one born via surrogacy and a breast cancer survivor in her professional life. Alexandra has served as a realtor for 12 years. She is also the founder of the gift of surrogacy foundation.

Take a listen.

 Hi, Alexandra. Welcome to the podcast. 

Hey, how are you doing? Thanks for having me. 

Yeah, I'm doing good. It's so nice to meet you. I am really looking forward to hearing your story.   You have two children. You have survived a breast cancer diagnosis. You've created an amazing foundation. So many things to dive into. How about we just start at the beginning. Tell me a little bit about yourself and, how your family got started. 

Absolutely. So, I've had children two different ways. Um, I had my son, naturally, I carried him myself.  And then when he was two,  I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I was very fortunate that my oncologist, who hires her in chemo, were like, you need to go ahead, you need to do something. Get your eggs retrieved, just in case. Initially I thought we would, you know, after finishing, you know, chemo and radiation, mastectomy, all that fun stuff, um, I'd be able to carry.

But during my mastectomy, my doctors found a second type of cancer. , which was hormone positive, estrogen, progesterone positive. And my doctor said, if you want to expand your family, you then need to turn towards surrogacy. So I then had my daughter by surrogacy. So I've kind of gone through two different paths.

Wow. Okay. And how old were you when you got this diagnosis? 

I was 31. 

31. Okay. And you said  your first child was two.

 Yeah. 

Okay. How were you feeling at that point? I mean, it's probably obvious, but what was going through your head when, when you received that diagnosis? 

It was a complete blur. Um, it was, you know, I had no family history of it. I kind of thought I was going in, I fell off the lump myself. Um, I'm really glad that I did not ignore  that lump. I kind of just went to the doctor for peace of mind.  As soon as I got the official diagnosis, I mean, everything around me just started like ringing.

I was hyperventilating, you know, like I'm thinking about like, I have an almost two year old. Like, I have to figure out a path forward. Like, I have to live for my son. How am I going to do this? And so I, you know, I saw all the best doctors. I tried to be, you know, as present as I could and try to have a very positive mindset going through my treatment, all being, you know, very realistic about what my good days were and what my bad days were and kind of looking forward to the future and, you know, family planning. My husband and I were very serious that like, we weren't going to let this diagnosis stop us from expanding our family because we both always wanted at least two children.

Wow, lots of emotions at once, but it sounds like the mom in you kicked in. You're like, okay, what do I got to do? We got this. So then when your doctor said, you know, in order to grow your family, it's going to be through surrogacy, at that point, did you know a lot about surrogacy? 

I did not really know much about it.  I only thought I really put to it, you know, what you'd seen in the movies. I knew one person who had kind of just started going through the process. So I was like, okay, let me reach out to this person and I've learned a lot about what their process was looking like.  And started really doing a deep dive into surrogacy, but it never really been something that, like, crossed my mind previously. Other than this, like, one, like, acquaintance, I never knew anyone else who was going through it.  I kind of relate it to the cancer, where it's like this small community that you never want to be a part of. But once you are, you're so, like, warmed and welcomed into it.

I can so relate to that. Like anything, I was just thinking when you were talking about that same thing with, like, infertility and, like, I remember when I started IVF, it was, I knew nothing about it. And then all of a sudden, once you start kind of opening up and digging in and finding groups, there's, yeah, there's.

It's not a club you want to be in for sure, but then everybody is warm and welcoming. And yeah, I was in the same boat with surrogacy too, because all I knew was really like the  side of it where, you know, you hear so and so use a surrogate to carry their baby. And it just sounded so glamorous and like unattainable and something that just like famous people do. But wow, it is much more than that. 

It's so much more than that. And yeah. I don't know how your process has been, but for me, a lot of like, it's just educating because I didn't really know anyone going through it. And so that meant like my friends, my family, my, my parents, friends, like no one knew anything about it.

And so just that education aspect of like, this is a hundred percent my child. It's like our genetic material.  Just like explain that to people over and over like there is no genetic relation to the GC It's gonna be our kid and it's so interesting because my daughter looks just like me  but she's got this connection. That's where it was just so incredible.  Nothing you can't explain to people. So that relationship that we also grew out of our surrogacy journey, it was just so fascinating. Our son considers our surrogate children his cousins. 

Oh, that's cute. I love that. 

It's so exciting when you see them and our daughter, you know, we don't, we see them every, you know, a couple times a year.

Yeah. But whenever we do see them, like, our kids run up to them, they give them hugs, they embrace their children, and they like, go and play with their kids. And it's like, oh, just meeting up with our cousins.  I love that that is the relationship that you have with us. 

Yeah. 

It's funny because our son now, he's like, okay, well, I want a baby brother. Just, just, just ask, you know, I'm not going to say it, to ask X for over another baby from her belly. And I'm like, that's just not how this works. 

That is so funny. I love that relationship. That's so cool. So my sons are, one's four, one's five, and we're taking 'em for the first time. Our gc, so I'm in Chicago, she's in Dallas. And so we're taking them. She'll be like 33 weeks along.  We're taking them to visit her family, so her family can meet, she has two kids as well. And, I'm hoping, yeah, it's nice to hear that. It feels like it'll bring it kind of full circle, cause Aside from seeing pictures, my kids like don't fully grasp everything.

So I'm like, okay, this will be nice. They can see her pregnant, meet her family, and then hopefully that'll kind of, you know, help once baby, we're not just like bringing a baby home. And they're like, the special mommy did this. Like, that's what they call it. They're like, Oh, we have a very A special mommy that's carrying our sister. Like that's what they say. 

Tell me a little bit about your surrogacy journey.  How did you find your surrogate? Did you do it on your own? Did you work with an agency? 

We went through an agency. So as soon as my doctors, had told us that we needed to go through surrogacy  expand our family, I kind of like did a deep dive on the internet about that. You know, the one person who had kind of gone through the surrogacy journey.  I started talking to a bunch of different agencies. Once we met with our current agency, I was like, this is exactly who we want to work with. We signed up with them. This was in February of 2020. And it doesn't take like six to nine months to match.

And then the next month. And so I know everyone's like, surrogacy journey is so completely different. But I feel like because the COVID actually kind of like pushed up our timeline,  we were then matched in April. 

Wow. 

Very quickly. I think so many people will get off the waitlist, like, we just don't know what's going to happen.

Yeah. 

And so it kind of bumped us up. And so our first time like meeting with our circuit was like on a zoom room and I remember like talking like college football, we're in the south and you know, football and Netflix. What else do people talk about  ? And it just being this like awkward conversation.

We're like, okay, well this actually kind of went really, really well. It's meet in person, but we couldn't sit inside a restaurant. It was still kind of, you know, behind was April. And so going to like outside mall area and just like walking around for hours trying to get to me to know each other. 

My experience is. Similar, but on a different timeline. So we were, we think we were doing this. We signed with our agency May  2022, but we started looking like beginning of 2022. And so we were kind of the tail end. So, like, everything was so delayed at that point. Still, like, they were trying, things were getting better, but, we were prepared for it to take up to like 18 months to like find a match and everything. It ended up taking 11. But,  same thing, the zoom call and meeting  for the first time, it feels like an awkward,  speed dating situation at first. Um, because it's like this person is going to be doing something incredibly important for you, but you're also just trying to get to know them and find common ground and just like be as natural and like.

It's possible. So yeah, I just remember talking about like,  you know, silly things like, oh, what do you guys like to do in your free time? What do you like to eat? And then all the while I'm just thinking like, holy cow, like you could bring our baby into this world. It is crazy to me. It's like such an experience. It is. I'm like still in awe. That there are women out there that will, that are helping other families. It's crazy. So was your surrogate, was she local to you ? 

  We're in Georgia, so it was a very easy drive for us.  

That's great. and so once you got matched, I mean, was everything pretty quick from there?

Yeah, I mean, we had a few delays because the timelines, like the, the clinics were only seeing, you know, X number of patients a day and they're only open certain days. So that was probably our longest part. It was like, everything was like, hurry up and wait. 

Yeah.  I think that's like 

a piece of advice I probably give to people now.

I'm like, if you think then it's going to take six weeks.  In your mind just to think it's gonna take 12 weeks because they know like there is gonna be some type of delay no matter what, whether it's on the legal side or the clinical side. Like it's just everything takes that much longer. 

Yeah. I completely agree. I think that's like a surrogacy journey in a nutshell is, yeah, like you said, hurry up and wait. That's just, that's been everything. But I will say once you get to the point of transfer and your surrogate is successfully pregnant, I feel like then it. flies. Like we're 22 weeks along and I'm like, I have never experienced this before.

Every pregnancy of my own has just  seemed like years long.  And even my, from my surrogate's perspective, she's told me, she's like, no, it's flying by. Like, I feel great. It's just going by so fast. And I'm like, man, it's, it's wild. Cause I felt like we waited for like years to get to this point.

Well, thank you. I think because you're waiting for so long. And all of a sudden, like, you're just taking down the months, not, like, taking up, like, the months in the year. True, yeah. It's just, you're one step closer, like, oh my gosh, like, we're three months pregnant, like, we're officially 12 weeks, we've got, oh my gosh, we're halfway there, you know, we're six months now, we're like, okay, time to get the nursery right, like, you're not in that moment of, like, the anticipation of, like, How much longer until we're pregnant now? It's like, okay, like, let's just get to, you know, the healthy baby part. Let's bring this baby home now. And so you're excited. You're planning for the future and not just waiting for something that may or may not happen. 

Yeah. That's  a really good point. You're not doing like constant pregnancy math. Cause I remember doing that. I'm like, okay, well, if we sign with the agency, now we get matched, then how long would it be until we bring a baby home? Like it's in the process. And so, yeah, once it's happening, it's. That's the fun part. You get to prepare and enjoy and get excited.  How was your surrogate's pregnancy? I mean, was it pretty seamless or were there any hiccups? 

It was, I mean, it was very, you know, seamless pregnancy up until, like, the last minute. Um, she ended up having to have, like, an emergency C section. 

Okay. 

My daughter's hand was, like, above her head. 

Oh my gosh. 

And they were like, well, she's gonna break her arm. It was like a whole disaster. And I remember like calling our agency and being like, what do I do? Like, this is not a part of anyone's plan.  And she was like, suck it up. You can go cry in the bathroom, but you cannot cry in front of your surrogate. You have to be the strong one here.

Yeah. 

And we were like literally sitting there ,  she'd been induced. We'd gone to the hospital the day before. We were all sitting there eating dinner. Well, you know, it's a whole more like hanging out. My husband had just left to go get everyone lunch and then the doctor came in, checked everything and they were like, you need to call your husband and tell him to come back.  And I mean, from the time I called him to the time we were like in the OR was like less than 20 minutes. 

Oh wow. 

It was completely, it was like crazy fast. 

And you say she was induced?

  Yeah. So she was 39 weeks. 

Okay. 

The baby was not coming out. She was very happy in there. 

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. 

Um, but other than that, I mean, it was very, you know, very, very smooth. 

That's good. Was the induction, was that? Planned ahead of time or okay. Yeah, we were just having this conversation. We were down in Dallas a couple weeks ago to meet our delivering doctor and talk with him and everything. And he's the one who brought up, um, scheduling induction in the 39th week to make sure that, you know, we're there and can be there. And he felt comfortable with that. So I was like, I never thought about that. I have no idea what it looks like delivery and like bringing a baby home, especially from Chicago to Dallas. So there's so many pieces of surrogacy that are so interesting. 

Yeah, it's really interesting. I just start thinking about like who all is going to like be in the room. Those are things that you think about when you're going through it just on your own. But with surrogates, it's like, okay, where are you going to stand? Is, you know, is everyone going to be in the room or everyone going to be in the OR? 

Yeah. These are all the things going through my mind. What did, so what did that look like for you? What did delivery, who was in the room? How did that go? 

 So we all end up being in the OR, me and my husband, obviously with Gigi and her husband. So my husband and I kind of like stood behind the curtain and her husband was like right next to her, holding her hand. 

Yeah. Oh, that's so great. 

But it was just like so many, when you're going through the process, just so many different emotions, so many things like you don't think about.

Yeah. 

We had such a great relationship with our surrogate, but I remember probably like  35 weeks, 30 something, 30 something weeks, she called me and she was like, I have a question for you, and don't take this like, any which way, but like, it's something that's like really weighing on my heart and I have to ask you.

And I was like, okay.  She was like, after the baby's born, obviously after you've held her, can I hold her? I was like, Oh my gosh, absolutely. Like, why wouldn't you? She's like, well, I assume you're probably thinking, like, I just wanted to ask and make sure. 

Yeah. 

Because, you know, obviously, I've learned, like, you know, love her and appreciate her and, you know, I wanted to get to know her. And I was like, yeah, of course you'd be able to hold her. Like, I could never expect you not to. Like, I'd be insulted if you didn't want to hold her at this point. Some never crossed my mind.

Same. I never thought about that either. These are things that are like just now on my mind. And yeah, something so simple that like when you're delivering yourself, you just like aren't thinking about that kind of thing. And you know, people will feel differently about that situation, but you do you build this like bond with your surrogate over all this time. And it's like, I mean, I'd be the same way. It's hard to imagine her not holding the baby. Just after everything she's done for us, and it's just such a beautiful friendship.

And the other thing I didn't think about either. And this came up when we were, I think it was back when we were talking about I don't know if it was contracts with our agency a while back, or maybe it just came up. But one of the things they asked us to think about is if we would want. My surrogates children to meet the baby, or if we'd be okay with that. And I was like, Oh, I'm like, at first, this was like months ago before we had even formed a relationship was like at the beginning of our process. And I was like, um, I don't know. Yeah. Like if my first thought was like, Like, why?

Like, I don't know. Like, why? And now  that we've been in this situation and in the journey, I'm like, Oh, of course. Like, why wouldn't they? And they've watched their mom be pregnant, you know, this whole time. It really brings it full circle for them. And to really, you know, just be a part of it. And our families, are close now.  But it's just something I never thought about. I'm like, why would, I don't know.

So many different like emotions and those are the emotions you can't, you can't explain them to anyone. And you're not even thinking about them until you're going through it.

Yeah.  

I can see, et cetera. She was like, you know, our contracts are solid, but when you're going through the matching process and you're, building this, you know, this life together, you know, then over the next 18 months to two years, like you want to build this based on like friendship and trust, because at the end of the day, that's what matters because you can put something specific into the contract.

But, are you going to trust them not to do it? Like, I had some dietary restrictions, so I was like, hey, I don't want you to eat X, Y, and Z. And, I trusted my third, like, not to do that. But, if she did eat it, what am I going to say? No, I don't want my baby anymore? Like, 

Yeah, exactly. 

No, I was trusting her not to do that, but I wasn't going to be like, okay, well, I'm not feeding you, or I'm not on my baby anymore. Like, it's everything that's going through, no matter what. 

Yeah, there's so much trust. 

That you're, I mean, you're literally entrusting, like, your child's life to someone else. 

Yeah, I mean, if you think about like when you're pregnant yourself, all the things you think about on the day to day, like, oh, I shouldn't eat that or I should make sure I'm not working out too hard or doing this, doing that, you're like, every little moment of every day, you are trusting somebody else to do what you would do best and  there was a lot of those questions that I just, I remember not knowing how to answer at the beginning when we were doing contracts and I was told the same thing, like, this is a contract, but like, we can discuss things along the way.

Cause I just remember thinking like I don't I don't know how I'll feel until I'm until I'm in it. Like maybe I will want to talk to this person like Every day or be in touch like weekly and stuff or maybe I want to be more hands off because like for me, there was just so much infertility and loss and trauma and every birth experience that I had.

And I was like, I don't know, maybe it would be better for me if I was a little more hands off and wasn't so close to that. But, you don't know until you're in it. And I feel completely opposite. Now. I want to be so involved in it. Yeah, it's so much trust goes into it. It's wild. Okay, so the whole surrogacy process, I mean, I know when I ask you like, oh, so did you go with an agency or independent, or like, we're making it sound very, very simple and like, oh, you signed with an agency, that's great, but there is so much that is involved in the surrogacy journey.

 Financially, it's a big burden.  I know it's not accessible to everyone.  I remind myself  often that like. Very thankful to be, it's not without sacrifice, but very thankful to be on this journey. What did you think was kind of, I don't know, I guess what's your take on the whole surrogacy situation for people? And, what are some of the biggest hurdles that people have to overcome if this is a route that they'd want to take to build their family? 

So I think obviously the biggest hurdle is the financial impact that it has on people. Because surrogacy for most people is not there. First, you know, their, you know, their first half.

Um, and so a lot of times when people get to surrogacy, they've already spent so much,  money. Um, whether, you know, in your situation, it was IVF, you know, you probably spent ten to thousand dollars going through that. For some people, it's the emotional hurdle of, you know, several miscarriages and so the trauma surrounding that.

For my case, it was a cancer diagnosis, all the medical bills that we have to pay. And so people have already had so much financial impact. And then all of a sudden they have to go pay a hundred, a hundred fifty, two hundred thousand dollars, like, that is so scary and that, you know, becomes so unaffordable for so many people.

So I think that's the biggest hurdle. And then I would say something like the timeline, because by the time you get to surrogacy,  you just want to bring your baby home. Yeah. You've been through so much. You've been thinking and praying about the baby for so long and you just, you just want to get to the finish line and to say, okay, it may take you three months, six months, a year to match.

And then another few months to get through, you know, medical clearance, legal clearance, all that stuff. And so it's just that waiting, and everything's just so pushed out. I think it used to be people would be like, okay, you know, by this time next year, like, I can have a baby. And you're like, hopefully, you know, this time two years from now, I can have a baby.

Right. 

I think those are probably the two emotional, you know, hurdles. 

Yeah, I mean, I know for me, I think that was, those were definitely the two, you know, the financial piece is just so much and I never really thought about it that way because I know people have all different reasons to use surrogacy, but you're right for a lot of people you've already exhausted so many resources, getting to this point and, you know, surrogacy isn't,  the only option, but it's a, you know, usually not the first option for creating your family and so yeah, I agree that was a big terrifying hurdle where I remember my husband and I looking at each other and just being like, I had, I remember I created like a whole spreadsheet of like possible ways I thought that we could do this because, you know, my husband would do anything to grow our family.

We both really wanted a big family and we still had these frozen embryos from IVF but it just felt so unattainable at first. And I really had to get creative and like, Honestly, stretch my faith and just kind of like leap before knowing exactly how we were going to do it all and this is just common knowledge, you could Google this anywhere.

But I feel like in the US, I mean, the average surrogacy journey costs at least 150, 000, which is a big undertaking for most people. So it's, you know, it's overwhelming.  When you first started, were there resources that you were able to tap into? Or did you find any other Yeah. Yeah. support when you were going through this or how did you kind of tackle that?

 So I was very fortunate that my family was able to, to help us out on our journey. We were able to, you know, sign up with our agency relatively quickly. But when we first met with the agency, that's when we realized like how few resources were actually available for people going through this they had mentioned reaching out to certain organization and seeing like they had a support group.

And I thought it was so interesting because I don't even ever know this one  organization, to give out grants. And so when I started looking into it, like I came home that day, I was like, Oh my gosh, like there's no one that gives money for therapy. And a few that do give like five, 10, 000, which is great.

Yeah. Helpful, but it's not even remotely making a dent. And a lot of these, I mean, you have to, it's not just like, you're just applying, like  you're telling your story. I mean, it takes time to apply for these grants and yeah, I've seen a lot that are not. Even remotely, giving it up to make a dime.

And I'm just like, my idea was like, okay, like, if someone's getting you 5, 000, that's great, or 10, 000, like, but does that money ever get used? Like, you know, it started, you know, it was about, you know, 80, 000. That cost has now doubled. Um, yeah. Does the money get used? Does it create more, like, anxiety to you that you may or may not use this money, more stress, like, okay, I've got to get the rest of this money sooner, like, how can you get creative to then raise the rest of this money to make this dream of a family a reality?

Yeah, it's a lot, for sure. we were thankful enough to, to have family to help us out initially and like to get the process going. And then we had to definitely get creative with how we were going to, take out certain loans and just make it all work. But, um, it wasn't really until after we started to get going that I started to dive into things like different grants and, and situations out there. And I kind of noticed this, I got overwhelmed at first and to be completely honest, and this is just probably like a me thing in my head, but I was like, I don't know. There's just so many other people out there. I just kept thinking there's so many more people out there more deserving of these grants than I am.

Like, I have two children and I should, like, it's just a, like you said, it's a, surrogacy is kind of like, it's a big mental. undertaking and depending what you've come from and with already having children at home, I just always felt like, I don't know, this is like a luxury to me. Like, I don't, I, I have children.

I know there's so many people out there that surrogacy might be the first way that they can create their family.  There's all different stories out there. But my, my, that being said, my advice to everyone would be like, just. Apply, don't overthink it and just apply for whatever help you might need, because it's a lot.

And I think anyone who's gotten to the point of surrogacy,  whatever your backstory is,  at the end of the day, you really want a family and you're willing to go to certain lengths to do it. And so don't let that scare anyone listening off because I was just like, I got overwhelmed. I was like, I can't be applying for these. I'm never going to get picked. There's so many other people out there that are more deserving and, and all this stuff, but everyone has a story I've learned. 

Everyone has a story and I would say definitely like, let's like advocate for yourself. Like, there's so many different things out  there. And unless you ask, you're never going to receive, like, there's great companies out there like Carrot and Progeny, you can bring them to your company and say, hey, can we please bring this on?

Like, in certain companies, they may have, you know, give money towards, you know, IVF.  Or for adoption, but it may exclude surrogacy until you say, Hey, please make sure you include surrogacy. They're not going to think about that. They're like, Oh, absolutely. If that helps, you know, keep you in this company or recruit someone else, like why not?

Yeah.

And so like the more you talk to, you know, your company talked to HR, like the more willing they're going to do it. You don't get enough to ask. 

That's true. That's a really good point because so much of it.  Yeah. And so much of it is just like a lack of. Lack of knowledge surrounding surrogacy. I mean, again, as people who are like going through it We know how much we knew when we started and everybody else who's not in that position has even less knowledge So I'm glad you know We're here today on the podcast and talking about surrogacy and I think it is getting better more and more people are learning about it especially as like celebrities are You know, coming out and talking about it and being honest about what brought them to surrogacy because everyone does have a different story. So hopefully that's helping kind of other people, but you're right. You don't know unless you ask, and that's a really good point.

And I mean, I definitely think like, you know, I tell this to everyone, like, you know, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, no one talked about IVF. It was like such a faux pas. And now, it's like, wish me luck going in for my trans for like semi sticky vibes.

Yeah. Got this, like, you know. And so I just, I feel like the more surrogacy is talked about, the more commonplace it's going to become. Because now that like, you know, we've been through our journey, I get messages all the time of like, hey, this person may be needing to go through surrogacy, like, do you mind talking to them?

I get messages on Instagram all the time, like just people connecting me, being like, can you talk to this person? What can you offer about that? And it's just that the more you talk about it, the more commonplace it becomes. 

Yeah. Absolutely. It's definitely a ripple effect. You just got to start talking about it. I've noticed the same, um, started way back with IVF then second, or actually it started with like my very first miscarriage and once I opened up about it, it was like the flood gates open. People were like, I've had a miscarriage too. I've had a miscarriage and then IVF and just now with surrogacy too, I've been getting a lot of questions and sometimes just from people who are genuinely just interested in how it all works. It might not be their path, but,  it's cool to start these conversations. I love it. 

But those people who are like, they may then live in the future who may have to go down that path.  

Right? Yeah. I mean, no one expects even themselves to be like, I, if you would have, I mean, five years ago, I would have never thought this is how we would be growing our family. I had no idea what was light ahead for us and I'm so grateful we have this option.   I wish if I had half the information I have now, like two years before going into surrogacy, I mean, I think I would just,  feel so much more prepared than we did just kind of jumping into it. But I'm curious to backtrack a little bit, did you ever consider doing, an independent journey or did you pretty much right away know you wanted to go with an agency?

I immediately knew I wanted to go with an agency, but hold on, like, going the independent route really just didn't cross my mind.

Yeah. 

It was just, I was still kind of like, at the back end of my treatment, I was, like, when we signed the agency, I still had another surgery ahead of me, I still had radiation ahead of me, and I just didn't have that, like, bandwidth to even start thinking about, okay, how do I really go independent? 

Yeah.

What about, 

yeah, that's a lot. Same.  Initially I thought, you know, when we were looking at the financial piece of it, I was like, okay, maybe we can do this. Maybe, you know, I'm social savvy. I know how to, like, connect with people. Maybe we can find our own circuit and just kind of, like, figure this out.

But after, like, a day of research and. Learning of all the things like legal and medical and psyche valves and just everything that was involved. I quickly realized I'm like, okay, I have two kids at home, you know, we're working. I don't know how I could take this on and do it to the best of my abilities without any hiccups.

And yeah, ultimately I was just like, you know what we've been through a lot over the years and we've navigated a lot. And, this will probably be like the way we complete our family. And I just want this last journey to just go. Smoothly. And an agency is just so nice. They handle so much. And this is what they do. So they can guide you through it all. And I love it. Yeah.

They literally answer all your questions. I mean, I'm so glad, like, you know, I said earlier, like, you know, we found a way to go through the C section. Like I called our agency owner, told me exactly what to do. She was like, you know, and I was like, okay, I can do this. You're right. Like, I gotta be strong for our GC. Okay. Thank you.  And she gave me a little pep talk and like, off by one, I was able to be there and be very supportive. Yeah. Great intended mother at that point. 

Yeah. It's so nice. It's so nice. It's like having your own like personal coach through it all. And they've seen it time and time again with all these different surrogates and intended parents. And so they, they absolutely know, know what to say and do to help you along. 

But yeah, I just love that they were able to like connect me with like the other people, like the other professional. I'm like, okay, you'll work well with this person like me to do this. And kind of giving me those outline steps of like, what's next? And it was never this guessing game and like uncertainty.

 Yeah, I think that's the biggest part. I wouldn't have known like what to do. It would have taken like a quadruple the time to figure out like what comes next in the process and making sure everything's done.

And yeah, there are days that I'm like reminded how much I love our agency and like so glad we went this route where they're like sending me emails with what's next like okay you have to sign this sign that and I'll be so excited like okay yes we're on to the next step and then, you know, with two kids I Get distracted or I'm working and then a day goes by and I'm like, Oh my gosh,  I have to sign that document.

And this is what somebody doing it all for me and just like emailing it to me. So I'm like, I don't know how I would have managed doing every single step along the way.  I'm curious. Was your surrogate, caring for you. Is this her first surrogacy journey or had she done it before?

So, it was her first time. She has since then gone on and done it a  second and final time. 

Okay. That's awesome. We didn't have a preference going into it, but whether it first time surrogate or second it just kind of worked out. This was her second journey. And so, that's been interesting as well. It's been nice because she kind of knows, I mean, every journey is different obviously and every person's different, but it's been nice to ask her like, Oh,  what did like the last family do in regards to travel?

And what did your doctor? And when we met with her doctor, you know, he was like, Oh, do we want to? You know, do what we did last time. Do we want to schedule it then? And I'm like, Oh, okay. Everyone knows what's going on here. We were just like learning alongside with you, which is nice. 

So now I feel like I'm like a different position because like, I'll ask questions to her now, like we have, you know, we have a great relationship.

And I feel like when she was, pregnant, you know, the second time around, I really don't ask like, Oh, how are you feeling? But I couldn't, I. I was always curious, like, how did it, you know, how did we compare to the other intended parents? Like, well, yeah, don't talk to like, but I felt like I had to keep it very, like, separate and professional. So I'm just like, how are you? Like, I haven't really asked any question, but I'm so curious.

 Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting for sure. I know I try and walk up fine line. I'm like, like logistics I ask about, I'm like, okay, did your doctor do this last time or whatever? But, um, yeah, I don't want to like, and I'm sure my, our surrogate would just.

Be happy to share. But I'm always like, how did how did that? How is this going compared to like every other pregnancy? Um, just out of curiosity, but, so how did your whole experience with surrogacy lead you and your husband to starting the gift of surrogacy foundation?

Yeah,  so when we met the agency, we quickly realized, like, how few resources were out there. At the time, like, there was nothing really on, like, Instagram. There was a couple of Facebook groups, but they weren't really as relevant as they are now. But there were still grants available. And after kind of going through my cancer diagnosis, I knew that I was looking to, you know, I wanted to give back in some way.

And I didn't really think that I wanted to do something that was cancer related. Not because breast cancer is not a really important cause, but because there's just so much out there. I just wanted to give more of like a meaningful impact. And so, as soon as I went with the agency and learned how to be a researcher out there, and grants out there at the time, for only five or ten thousand dollars, I was like, it was like a life of what all.

And I like, I remember I was like in the living room, like, you know, research and do a bunch of stuff. And I was like, babe, I figured it out. He was like,  what's going on? I was like, this is what we're going to do. He was like, do what?  I was like, we're going to raise money and we're going to cover the cost of surrogates.

And he looked at me like I was insane. Um, and so then I called our agency owner who was  like, hey, so I want to raise money and cover the cost for PC for the month. She was like, oh, Sure, that sounds great. 

They're like, that's cute. 

She was like, well, let's choose the process first. And so the whole time, you know, we were through the process, like, I'm so excited, you know, to be able to raise money for someone.

At the time, we didn't know it was going to be a grant. And so then, yeah. Once my daughter was like six months old, I was like, okay, we've gone through the process, we've gone through the experience, we've gone through the emotions, you know, a little bit more like what to expect. And so again, you know, I called our agency, and I was like, all right, now I'm ready now. 

I was like, so we're gonna, you know, give some money to you. She's like, oh, I can't take the money. I was like, why not? She's like, well, we're for profit. She's like, well, you can find another. 501c3, you know, I'm terrified to give it to, and I was like, well, I, I don't want to give it to someone else.

Like, I want to make sure, because there's no, at the time, there really weren't that many foundations that were going straight, you know, just strictly to surrogacy. A lot of them will go for IVF, surrogacy, I, or whatever. 

Yes. I've noticed that.

And I wanted to go very intentionally just for surrogacy, and I wanted to make it truly a non existent thing.

So I was like, okay, well, we'll create our own 501c3  then. 

That's amazing. 

And it's just completely, like, blossomed from there. So last February when we applied for,  501c3 status, got approved in May, went, you know, just full scheme ahead, planning for our Certified C2RA, which was this past February,  we ended up raising enough money to give away our first grant.

And which I, I didn't really have a goal in mind of, like, how much I want to raise this event for me. It was a, you know, it's a way to raise some money. Be it's also a way to just raise awareness, get people talking about service and I was like, it may take 1, 2, 3 years to get the money we need. And when embracing it all that night, and I'm like, wow, gosh, this is amazing.

 Now what do we do? I'm like, oh, gosh, we should create an application. 

Yeah. And you're like, now what?  

So then we assembled a whole review committee with. For doctors, a clinical psychologist, three CPAs, and a certainty lawyer as well. So we kind of had a little bit of everyone doing all the applications that kind of, that came in.

 So a couple of weeks ago, we gave away our grant and it was one of the most incredible experiences.  Of my entire life. Our son, he, like, we told him like that, and we're like, okay, like, you get to go to bed, you have to, you know, be a good boy, and I'm like, we're gonna give away the grant. He was like, no, no, no, no, no, like, I'm a part of this foundation.

And he was like, this is as much about me as it is. About you guys and he was like, I want to be on the ball and we were like, okay, you're right. Cause a lot of the time, you know, work on a foundation, you know, it's a night and it's on weekends and the back end of it. And so we're like, Hey, you know, can you go play by yourself while we work on this for, you know, 30 minutes or an hour.

Right. And he came on the call with us and he was the star of it. It was like, so just incredible to watch his eyes light up. Seeing the impact that he's making on someone else's life. 

That is so cool. What an amazing lesson too. Like just to have him be a part of it. That's, that's so awesome. 

And so, yeah, we gave it away. Now we're like planning ahead. We've got our next service before coming up in two months from now in February. So I'm like, okay. Let's, you know, let's double that. Let's raise 300, 000. Let's give away two three frames next year. 

 That is so, so cool. So how many people attend this event? 

About 300 hoping for me about 350 this year.

That's so cool. I know I just saw, I don't know if it was posted on your Instagram or I saw it on the website. I saw that you were doing the soiree in February. And, again, I'm in Chicago, but my husband's company that he works for is. Located in Atlanta. And I'm like, okay, how can I tag along on a business trip?

And let's go. That'd be so fun. That's so incredible. And what an amazing gift. That is absolutely what's missing in the space of surrogacy. Like you said, there are just so many blanketed grants out there giving a little bit at a time. And obviously it's all helpful, but,  what an amazing gift to give somebody,  I would be flirt. That is  So cool that you did that. And while you were like going through it too. 

 I mean, and I guess, so our grant is due to, we're, we're covering like the, you know, the full cost of it. So we're covering your big bucket. So we're covering the, the cost of the GC, the legal, the medical and the agents.

So I mean, we're giving up like a hundred thousand dollars. So we are truly making that huge impact on someone's life. And so when we were reviewing the application, we're like, okay, like how can we find like the best applicant? And it was so, it was so hard because. After reading all this, I was like,  I want to give everyone a good one. That's yes. Every single person. It was just like,  how do we narrow down like one person right now? 

Wow. Yeah. That would be so, so hard, but I'm sure very, humbling and interesting to read everybody's story and all the applications. I'm just curious, how many applications did you get the first time around?

We got more than I was expecting because it was pretty much all word of mouth. we also, we limited it just to Georgia. We're kind of like, we're here, we're local. Kind of, if we're going to screw it up, let's screw it up locally before we get any larger. Um, but then we were like, okay, are we going to get five applicants?

Are we going to get 50 applicants? We had no idea how many we were going to get. Yeah. And, you know, we're starting a nonprofit essentially. So we didn't have like the marketing budget to go like do SEO and paid ads. So it was just  from people that had heard about it, people that found us on social media, from our doctors, things like that.

Yeah. That's so cool though. And what a way to like make an impact to start off locally and make an impact. I mean, I would have done the same thing. That's where you're at and really see like. People being blessed by this, grant. That's just so cool. And so many awesome things to come. I mean, with your next soiree.

So is it primarily with this event that you raise the money for the grants? Or do you do things throughout the year? Okay. 

Yeah, no, this is our main event. We'll try to do some smaller things here and there, but this is our biggest one. We'll try to do some, like, smaller, support groups and more virtually as well. Things like that. But this is our big, our big fundraising event. We have a big. Salon auction, live auction, trying to just, you know, make it a party. Our slogan surrounding it is that there's nothing traditional about surrogacy. So this is not your traditional gala. So we're not sitting down, that's why we call it a soiree, not a gala.

Yeah. 

It's not your, you know, your formal like sit down dinner. You're coming, you're partying, there's music, you're going to be dancing, you're going to have a really good time while raising money for a really important cause.  There's really, you know, there's no greater gift than the gift of family. 

Yes. Oh my goodness. I love that so much. That is, you're right. There's nothing traditional about the surrogacy route. So what a fun way to celebrate that while raising the money. That is so, so cool. I could ask you so many questions, um, but I won't keep you all day. This was so insightful. Thank you for sharing your story.

I know there's so many pieces to your story, but if you could leave listeners with a bit of advice, whether it's about surrogacy or your cancer diagnosis or anything related to motherhood, what's something you might leave listeners with? 

Um, I'm going to leave you with three pieces of advice. One for each category.

Perfect. Love it. 

On the cancer side, advocate for yourself, get your eggs frozen, get them retrieved, get your sperm frozen, like whatever it is on the front end. Because you never know where life's going to take you. Um, like my doctors initially thought I'd be able to carry. We never thought we were going to find a second type of cancer that was not going to allow me to carry a child.

And I'm so, so grateful for my oncologist who pushed for me to get my eggs retrieved. Because otherwise I would not have my beautiful baby girl. From the surrogacy side, ask questions. Get involved. No surrogacy journey is ever the same. There's so many moving parts. So, expect delays, expect hurdles, but find someone that you can talk to, even if it's just someone who's gone through IVF, because at least they understand, you know, what that retrieval looks like, what the medications look like, because it is just, it is such a process, it's such a journey, and it's okay to feel emotional throughout it. But enjoy the milestones because at the end of the day, you're going to be a parent. And I think a lot of people,  they're like, well, I'm not carrying the baby. Should I have a baby shower? Well, it's your baby. You're, you're celebrating. Like you're still the mother to be like, celebrate you celebrate the baby, celebrate what's to come.

You're not celebrating the pregnancy. You're celebrating the baby to come. so however you want to enjoy the milestones.  Make sure you celebrate those and mark them off and look forward to the future because you, you know, you're almost a light at the end of the tunnel.

That is such great advice. I needed to hear that advice today because yeah, it always feels like,  like, not hush hush, but it's like, because it's not you, people aren't around you aren't physically seeing you pregnant.

It sometimes feels like, yeah, like, I don't know, is it too soon to do this? Or should I be doing this? And you're absolutely right. You should celebrate every single milestone because you're celebrating a baby to come. It's not about just the pregnancy. It's about. baby that's on the way. So that is amazing advice all around.

Thank you so much. This has been such a fun conversation and I will absolutely be linking to,  the Gift of Surrogacy Foundation in our show notes. So anyone who wants to check that out and contribute, can do so. And then, where can people contact you? You are such a great resource for so many different aspects of motherhood.

. The best it's active to service the foundation. I'm on our Instagram all the time. I'm the 1 making the post all that stuff. I'll be responding to all your DMS, or you can email me at info at gift to service the foundation. org. But  if you Google it, I'll pop up email phone number, all that stuff. I will talk to anyone anywhere about any questions that you may have throughout matter where you are in the process of surrogacy.

That's perfect. Very, very helpful. Well, thank you so, so much, Alexandra. it's been a pleasure to have you on the podcast.

for having me. 

I hope you found value in this episode. Being that it's Surrogacy Awareness Month. I really just wanted to shed light on some other stories surrounding surrogacy. There are so many different reasons why people are led to build their family via surrogacy. And I for one had no idea when we started our own journey. All the different reasons why people choose surrogacy to build their family.

I will forever be in awe of the women who step up to help others have the family of their dreams. If you yourself have loved being pregnant, have had healthy pregnancies, and your family is complete, Consider being a gestational surrogate. If you're interested in helping give the absolute greatest gift to deserving parents, you can learn more about becoming a surrogate with the link in the show notes. Scroll to the very bottom and you'll see my personal link. It'll lead you to the conceivabilities website. That is the agency that we've personally been working with.

There are many different avenues to go. If you are a surrogate, you can do an independent route. You can work for an agency. There are so many options out there, but just take that first step. Hopping on a call with them can give you so much insight, and you can also see if you even qualify to become a surrogate 

if you feel it in your heart that this is something that you would want to help somebody do just take that first step. You can even earn up to 650 just for clicking that link and taking the first few simple steps to learning more about surrogacy

as someone who is about to receive the greatest gift ever. Thanks to our gestational surrogate. I cannot say it enough, how impactful you can be in someone's life.

I am eternally grateful for our surrogate. And this is the second journey that she's done. She is a two time surrogate and most women who go on to do surrogacy. End up doing another journey because of the impact they have on the families that they're helping. So if this episode pulled at your heartstrings or resonated with you, definitely. Click the link in the show notes to learn more.

As you know, in the show notes, you can also find links to join the motherhood intended community group on Facebook, follow along on Instagram,  leave a review for the podcast,  apply to be a guest on the show. And most importantly, connect with Alexandra French, like you learned, she is the founder of the Gift of Surrogacy Foundation, so if you feel it in your heart to support surrogacy in some way, but being a surrogate yourself is not an option, Consider donating to the gift of surrogacy foundation.

The cost of surrogacy is a big financial burden and it is amazing that this foundation raises enough money each year to provide the total cost of surrogacy to deserving parents. There are many different grants out there, but most of them don't even cover a fraction of the cost of surrogacy. And as you heard, Alexandra and her husband have created something that is going to give the full ultimate gift to deserving parents who might not otherwise be able to afford this amazing option to build their family.

If you yourself are struggling to conceive, I've created a free month by month roadmap to your fertility success. You can start this roadmap at any month of the year. It just breaks things down into chunks of your fertility journey to help keep you calm and focused on your way to baby. There is a lot to navigate when you are struggling to conceive.

Maybe you're at the point where you're about to look into fertility treatments. This roadmap will help you. It'll help you stay focused and it'll help you feel calm. Click the link in the show notes to download it for free. It will also sign you up for my email newsletter, which will be coming out weekly with so many helpful tips and resources and content for you.

Tune in next week for another surrogacy related episode. And if you have a friend who has considered this path for building their family, or maybe you yourself have been going through it and it's really hard to explain to the loved ones around you forward on the motherhood intended podcast, as you know, I've shared my story week by week, and I am happy to be a resource to answer any questions about surrogacy that anyone might have.

So definitely feel free to reach out. You can email me at hello at motherhood intended dot com. Send me a DM on Instagram or message me on Facebook. I'm here for you and an open book and happy to answer any questions that you might have.

Enjoy your weekend and I will talk to you again next week.