Our Surrogacy Experience: Welcoming Baby Lorelei

On this episode of Motherhood Intended, Jacqueline shares a deeply personal story about the birth of her daughter via surrogacy. Detailing the steps leading up to the birth, including signing with an agency, being matched with a surrogate, and the excitement of learning the pregnancy news, she provides insights for anyone curious or embarking on a similar journey. She discusses the emotional and logistical aspects of surrogacy, such as creating a birth plan with the surrogate and preparing for changes in post-birth care decisions, like breast milk or formula. The narrative is interwoven with reflections on motherhood, adjustments to family life, and the profound gratitude towards her surrogate. Additionally, she speaks on personal challenges and light-hearted anecdotes about her appearance, family life, and preparations for the arrival of her new baby. The episode closes with a look forward to taking a summer break, focusing on family, and hinting at exciting future content for the podcast.

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00:00 Welcome to the Final Episode of Season Three!
00:20 The Realities of Recording with a Newborn
01:58 Announcing a Summer Break and What to Expect
02:59 Our Surrogacy Journey: The Birth of Our Daughter
04:25 The Birth Plan: A New Experience for Us
14:29 Delivery Day: An Unforgettable Experience
20:54 The Arrival of Lorelei: A Joyful Beginning
22:40 First Moments with Our Newborn: Embracing Parenthood
22:55 Navigating Newborn Feeding: Trials, Triumphs, and Bottle Choices
24:50 Hospital Stay and Heading Home: Overcoming Challenges
34:05 Warm Welcome Home and Reflecting on Surrogacy
38:50 Looking Ahead: Season 4 and Community Engagement

Brilliant Beaver Guidebook - Audio Version
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Chapters

• 11:30 [Ad] Brilliant Beaver Guidebook - Audio Version
• 12:18 (Cont.) Our Surrogacy Experience: Welcoming Baby Lorelei

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of Motherhood Intended. I hope you're doing well today. I myself am, in the current moment, feeling honestly really grateful that this is a podcast and not a YouTube video. I am recording, video, however, I don't know if you'll ever see it because, um, let's see.

My youngest is napping right now. My middle is Watching Pokemon in the room next door while my husband picks up our kindergartner from school. And I am trying to squeeze in this recording that I have been wanting to do all week.  But you know, that's, that's the newborn life. Yeah, video, video's not my friend today.

I'm sitting here, I've got no makeup on. On the way to my son's school program earlier today, I did put some like tinted moisturizer on real quick in the car and a little bit of blush. Honestly, just so I don't look sickly. My hair. air dried about a day or two ago, and  if you know me at all, or have seen a picture of me, you've probably never seen my hair air dried, because it's icky.

It's like part wavy, part straight, kind of frizzy. Definitely due for a haircut, and I can't wait. I'm going in a few days, and spoiler alert, I am out. Chopping it off. I am gonna, well, it's short for me. I'm not like chop chopping it, but I mean, I'm taking some inches off you guys. I'm gonna be cutting it to like my collarbone.

And  I'm gonna get a bunch of choppy layers put in. Some highlights and hoping it'll make me just feel refreshed for summer to come. I'm also just sitting here, you know, in my workout clothes. Have I worked out today? Sure haven't. Sure haven't. I signed up for a workout class this morning, but due to being up with our little girl, uh, every few hours last night and just being up late, trying to get stuff done, I was way too tired to get to that class. So I'm just wearing my workout clothes in hopes that I will hop on a Peloton or do something later.  But that's motherhood, right? That is motherhood in a nutshell. And I am here for it. 

So, Today's episode is officially the last episode of season three of this podcast. As I mentioned before, we will be taking a break for the summer and I will be coming back the very beginning of September with new weekly episodes, but be sure to follow the podcast if you don't already.

If you're on Apple, there's just like a, actually on any, any platform, there's usually just like a little plus sign where you can hit. Follow and then you won't miss an episode. Anytime there's something new, it'll pop up right in your podcast app. Because I definitely will be putting out some bonus episodes this summer.

I just am not committing to weekly new episodes because it's summer and I want to enjoy it with my family. You know, kids are out of school. I am, the one taking care of them. We don't have extra childcare outside from a few like summer camps that are going on. I want to make sure I'm giving you guys the best content, and I can't do it all. Regularly scheduled programming will return when school's back in session, first week of September. 

So yeah, last episode of the season, season three, I can't believe it. And so I really wanted to end this on something special. So today I'm going to be sharing with you Our experience with the birth of our daughter via surrogacy. 

You've heard me talk about this journey for a while now, you know, signing with our agency, being matched with a surrogate, the transfer, genetic testing even before that, all the steps along the way that were so exciting and truthfully felt like everything was in slow motion until the second we found out our surrogate was pregnant and then the pregnancy from our point of view just flew by.

So, Our daughter arrived safely about a month ago. And it has been so truly special. I want to share this for anyone who is just curious about what that looks like to be an intended parent, who is going to be experiencing the birth of their child, thanks to gestational carrier.

 But I also want to share it for anyone who is going through this similarly or is about to embark on a surrogacy journey. And you might be wondering, wow, I can't even imagine what that will look like or maybe you have a child already and are going to be having a subsequent child with surrogacy.

 You might be worried that you will feel differently about your next baby because you weren't the one to carry it those nine months. Um, So many different feelings come up and I'm hoping by just sharing just our birth experience for now that this will kind of answer some of those questions and give you a look inside our experience.

For our situation, our surrogate, we had decided. So let me back up. Let me back up here. I'm trying to remember all the things.  I want to say we were about maybe 30 weeks. It was sometime beginning of the third trimester where we had a meeting with our agency and our surrogate, and it was our birth plan discussion.

So they walked us through all kinds of questions to talk about what our birth plan would look like. Now this was totally new for me because I have never had any kind of plan for birth. Unfortunately, every time I've been pregnant, delivery has always been an emergent situation, an unexpected situation.

And even when it was planned with my son, Noah, it was a planned c section.  That was just the plan. That was all I had. It was a plan was just to show up, make it to that c section date at 37 weeks in one day. And, um, I pray that he was delivered healthy and, of course he was, but there were no plans after that.

There were no plans leading up. I mean, I just, I packed a bag and hope for the best. So  the questions that we were asked and things we discussed were all very new to me because I, I truly, aside from not having a plan, I've never labored, I've never delivered in this way. I've never, you know, Had to talk about what labor looks like. I've heard stories from my sister in laws and my sister and friends, but  my husband and I've never experienced this firsthand. So it was a new experience for both of us.

Some of the questions that were asked were for our surrogate. Some questions were for us. Some were for both. Both to get on the same page and kind of make that decision together. You know, they asked our surrogate,  what does she do for pain while she's laboring? What kind of environment does she prefer? You know, she liked to labor on a  bouncy wall. Does she like to walk around? Does she like to lay down?  Does she welcome? Visitors and conversation, or does she just like to be by herself? Does she like music, quiet, whatever it is? So we talked about that and,  you know,  our surrogate is so easygoing and so chill and she's just, I'm just going to call her what it is.

She's like an expert  at giving birth.  She knows so much more than I do, and she just seems so confident in  what it is she needs in that time. And she, welcomed conversation. She was all about getting her albedo, which we were totally okay with. If I was the one delivering, I would have done the same thing. That would have been my personal choice. And yeah, she'd just like to kind of sleep and rest and read and welcome conversation until it's time to push. 

And. They also ask questions  like, where does she want us to stand? Are we at the foot of the bed? Are we by her head? Are we in the room at all? You know, like all these things. And so we had decided that my husband and I would both be in the room and her husband would be in the room as well. And this was all really dependent on the hospital. So every hospital is different. And of course this is a unique situation. But the hospital we worked with in Texas was amazing.

We had like a huge delivery room and truly it was like a party in there. There was so many of us. So my husband and I stood at the head of the bed. And then her husband was there holding her hand and her kids actually ended up being in the room as well. Just because  her plans changed a bit with child care. So she asked us if that was okay and it was totally fine with us. You know, we just want to make her comfortable and  have everything be as easy on her as possible. That's kind of what that looked like. And then, you know, we discussed things like who's going to cut the cord. And my husband has never cut the core before, just by default, you know, with Hunter, everything's just been an emergency.

And I think he was offered to cut the cord for my C section and said no,  but in, there was a lot going on. It wasn't for him. And I just, he was  next to me, my head during my C section, I was like, do not look at anything behind the curtain, which I did not have to convince him. He was.

He was not trying to look at any of that. So  he's never done before. It's never been brought up. And so he was not feeling comfortable and wanting to do that this time around. Which again, it's a different situation, right? It's not his wife giving birth. It's not his wife laboring and delivering the baby.

And so, every husband, every parent might have different feelings on that. So initially in the plan, I decided that I was going to, I'll cut the court because I was really feeling like. You know what, if there's any way for me to be even closer to the situation  I want to be in there. I want to be doing it.  But as we got closer and closer to delivery, I started to get nervous because I realized. I just didn't know, the anxiety started settling in, like, I don't know what this looks like, like, when you're delivering, when you're in labor, when it's time to push, like, the aftermath, and in my head, I was just picturing what I know, which is kind of like, when the baby's born, it's kind of hectic, and it's like, kind of like a hot potato, they have to do X, Y, and Z with the baby, and this and that, and clean them up, and weigh them, and, and, that's just not how it is, like, it was so, so calm, everyone, everything was It's like you could hear a pin drop.

It was just calm and peaceful until we heard our baby cry. Then,  the nurse took her over and cleaned her off and all of that. And it was just very calm. But, in the moment I was literally shaking cause I was so nervous. My husband and I were in tears and so they asked me if I wanted to cut the cord and I was like, Nope, I'm good.

I'm too nervous. I just like want to take a minute and, and then I will hold her when she's, you know, cord is cut and all of that. So. It's an interesting experience that you can't really prepare for. You just kind of have to jump in and, and see what you feel comfortable with in the moment. But yeah, so that was another decision we had to make.

And I'm trying to think what else we talked about things like who would hold the baby first. Did we want to initiate skin to skin?  Were we going to, go straight to our room if we had the option? That was another thing that was kind of up in the air and we didn't know until we got to the hospital was we didn't know if there would be a room for us and the baby  after delivery and then our surrogate would have her own room to recover and be with her family.  It really just depended on if there was space, if the hospital was busy, and there was a lot of patients, then we probably wouldn't get her own room.

But luckily, we did get our own room.  Not only.  Afterwards on the mother and baby floor, but,  also for labor and delivery, we had our own room to kind of wait and we  came in and out of our surrogates room to check on her, which ended up being all a very short process.

So we were ready to,  post up for the day and just wait until, you know. She labored, but to back up a minute. So yeah, things that we had to decide   we initiated skin to skin after baby was cleaned off and we took her to our room, and then our surrogate, we of course had her hold the baby, and we got pictures and  we hung out in her room for a little while and then we kind of let her be to recover and finish everything that she was doing. And we went to our room, Which was just all just very surreal, and I'll have to say, like,  none of it truly felt real until we got home. I mean, like, we were in awe that she was here and born healthy and, and was here safely, but, like,  it didn't feel, like, completely real until we brought her back. To Illinois, and we're home with our boys and our family.

So going back,  in our, yeah, birth discussion, there was all these things that we had to answer. Some of the other things were more for us, like  if we wanted to start the vaccine process at the hospital, the hep B vaccine, for example, it's a series. So did we want to start it?

Right when she was born, because usually they get it within the first 48 hours, and then they follow up with the doctor, or do we want to wait till we got home to our pediatrician, we ended up starting that and then we would just follow it up with our pediatrician and finish that and then, some other questions were, some of the normal things that I just, I, I think I've been asked in the past, but they were just not on my radar.

Again, because there was not a lot of planning leading up to my deliveries, but things like, cord blood banking and, you know, how some people encapsulate the placenta and just all these different things that I truly didn't learn enough about ahead of time. And since I just didn't do it with my boys, I decided to kind of go that route this time.

And then we also talked about whether  we're going to be having, our surrogate. Pump milk at all while we were in town or to ship. We decided ultimately that we were just going to Go with formula for our baby. Before we knew our exact travel plans. We contemplated maybe doing  breast milk just while we were in town or for that first week or so, just so she can get those antibodies.

But then I was worried that making the transition to formula might be harder. And so to keep things simple, we decided just to go with formula from the very start. And as you've heard me talk about on the podcast before, I heart formula is what we went with. And I just feel so So confident in their recipe and all their organic ingredients and just everything that by heart stands for.

We have been using by Heart Formula for a month now, and,  so far so good. Our daughter  she's a great eater. We don't have any issues, so yeah, very happy with that decision.  I will say that I almost changed my mind  right before we left the hospital and before we flew home, they had us do a follow up, appointment with a nurse, and that's when I learned that the hospital had. Donated breast milk. And I contemplated that for a second. I was like, cause I was just getting nervous with traveling home and flying and germs and all that. And I was like, I don't know, maybe it would be good if she had some breast milk. I just didn't know that was an option.

Um, I don't know, I'm just throwing it out there for anybody else  to keep it on your radar. I ended up not doing it, but it did cross my mind last minute. I was like, I don't know, should we change our mind and see about this donor milk?  cause the only thing that was on my mind when making this decision truly was,  our surrogate.

You know, if we were only going to, Be using breast milk for so long. I thought, I don't know, to me and with my experience with pumping,  exclusively, I was just thinking that, like, why, why started up, you know, if you're just gonna stop,  because our surrogate to my knowledge was not going to be donating her breast milk or anything like that.

So if she wasn't going to be pumping for us, she just wasn't going to pump. So I just thought it would be easier on everybody if we did formula and we're happy with that decision. Okay, so I'm all out of order now because I'm going to be completely transparent here and, um, I'm running on little sleep as I record this.

So my memory, and I didn't take notes, it's just not my style when I'm doing, a solo episode because I really want it to be authentic and natural and I want it to sound like I'm reading from anything because I'm just here to talk to you and share my experiences in  That it helps you in some kind of way or just educate you on somebody else's journey.

So sorry if I'm all out of order here, I'm going to backtrack  flying down to Texas for the birth of our daughter. So we had a planned induction date for April 17th, which actually was our daughter's due date. So initially it was the 15th. And when I tell you that I had the hardest time deciding on an induction date, we were given options from the doctor.

I think it could have been like the 11th. Or the 15th initially because we waited so long and I was stressing myself out and then that's all was available. Um, and so I went back and forth a million times. Like not only do we have so many friends and family members with April birthdays that I was like thinking about, okay, I don't want to share a birthday with this person or this person.

And then I started reading into Zodiac signs and my gosh, and  most importantly, you know, I was stressed about. Having to choose, I guess I was just so excited about the opportunity for a baby to be born full term, naturally, on their own terms, because I have never had that before. I mean, obviously Hunter and my daughters came on their own terms.

That was just because of my body. That was because my body said it was ready you know, with Noah, we had to choose that date to like, make sure he was safely delivered before I went into any kind of preterm labor, had any complications with my surcloged. I had hoped for our daughter, Lorelei, which I know I've mentioned, but in case you missed the episode, our daughter's name is Lorelei.

I had hoped for her delivery that it would just all be. As it should, you know, on, on her time on God's time on our surrogate's body's time.  But it was tricky because we also didn't want to miss the delivery, you know, it would break my heart if we missed the delivery of our daughter and being in Illinois and having her being born in Texas there logistically, there's so many things to figure out, especially with two little kids at home.

So I figured. At first I was like, okay, if we choose the 11th, then we definitely won't miss it because our surrogate has, this is her fourth pregnancy and the three pregnancies that preceded were her two kids and another surrogacy journey. And every time she has either given birth the day before the day after her due date, even when she was induced with her last surrogacy journey, she still went to the day before her due date and made her induction.

I also didn't want to rush it for her cause I didn't want labor to be longer for her. I wanted her body to be ready to make it easier on everyone. So we ultimately decided on the 15th and that felt so good to like have a date and just know like, okay, it's like two days away from the due date.

We will get down to Texas, a few days ahead of time, just to make sure we'll be in contact with our surrogate for any updates and we will not miss it. It will be close to full term and all as well.  Well, of course, the second I felt relief in making that decision, we got a message from the doctor's office that, he was summoned for jury duty on that day on the 15th.

The only other option was to go back to the 11th or to do the 17th, which is her due date. So, ultimately, after a lot of overthinking, we decided to schedule the induction for her due date. And we got down to Texas that Saturday before, so,  like three or four days before. And we were just, Already relieved being, I was stressed to go down there early because that meant that we were going to be away from the boys for about a week, getting there early, being there for the delivery, being in the hospital, and then, you know, staying local before flying home.

That's the longest we've ever been away from the boys. My parents watched them, which was so, so helpful. And my mom just knows their entire routine, you know, knows their schools, knows  their whole routine at home, what they do. So it was a really, I don't know what I would do without her because it was such a seamless, thing to hand over to somebody.

And of course we were FaceTiming them every day. And yeah, it was four days essentially of just waiting anxiously. It was really nice to have the time, just Josh and I together before becoming parents to another baby and jumping back into the whole newborn experience. But I'd say after the second day, we were like, okay.

She needs to be here because the anxiety and the buildup is killing us a bit. Um, but there were no changes and, our surrogate had an appointment that Tuesday, the 16th. And I believe at that point she was 2, I can't remember if it was 2 centimeters dilated. So that Wednesday morning, we checked into the hospital at 7 30, actually, true story, our surrogate checked in at 7 30 per usual.

We were late and that was on me because I'm late for everything. So we checked in about 7 58 o'clock by 8 15, they had broke her water. by nine, she was given the epidural and then things started progressing. pretty quickly from there. We were in the other room. We would pop in and then leave when they, you know, needed to put in her epidural and pop back in and leave when she had her catheter put in and all of this.

And her husband and kids were actually staying at the hotel across the street from the hospital because our surrogate lives 45 minutes away from the hospital. And she said the day before that she actually did start having some cramping and everything and was getting a little nervous. So she wanted to be closer.

And because her  babysitter plans fell through, it was a whole family affair, which honestly ended up being kind of special.  her husband was at the hotel with the kids because I'm sure just like we were, you know, they were anticipating all of her labors have been between like 10 and 12 hours, even when being  induced and everything.

That was not the case this time. Avadryl was at nine. And like I said, things progressed. We were probably in our room for like, 45 minutes and we thought we'd, you know, hang out there for a little bit, check in on her and then probably just like putz around the hospital and  get some work done.

Maybe I don't know. We didn't know how to distract ourselves. And then the nurse came in and was like, well, we're going to get ready to have this baby. And we just looked at each other like, I'm sorry, like, it was like 10, 15 in the morning. And we had not been there very well. So we go to our surrogate's room and she's called her husband to let him know that like things are moving along like we're about to push and we waited for him to get there so she could have his support as well and once we got things going, the doctor came in, I swear she  pushed like three times and Lorelei was born at 1049.

So we checked in at 730, she was born at 1049. And we were just as much in shock as our surrogate was. We were all just kind of like, how did that all happen so fast?  But truly she must have been laboring like the night before because it was, it was quick.  I'm glad that it was, everyone, it was a healthy delivery.

My husband and I were truly like shaking and just like in tears the whole time and it just felt so surreal. Hearing her first cry, seeing her get cleaned off and weighed. She weighed in at seven pounds, six ounces, which is our biggest baby to date. Although it had me thinking, I'm like, I wonder how big our son Noah would have been because he was seven pounds, three ounces and born at 37 weeks.

So I'm like, I don't know, maybe with a few more weeks, he would have been a little bit bigger, but, and then they measured her length at 18 inches.  And that sounded weird to me. I was like, huh? Cause you know, like you usually hear like the average length of a baby is like, what? 20, 21 inches. Of course, our little creamy under was 12 inches, which is just also unreal.

Um, that he was only a foot long. But then Noah was 19 inches again. I'm like, well, he was. You know, technically three weeks before his due date. And it's not like, I mean, I guess that five, six, I'm considered tall as a woman, my husband is five, eight, which is considered on the shorter side for a man. So, I mean, I'm not saying our kids are going to be like super tall, but 18 inches.

I was like, is that. Is that right? And spoiler alert, it, I don't think it was because literally at her very first appointment, four days later with the pediatrician at home, she measured 19 and a half inches. So unless she grew an inch and a half in four days, which I'm pretty sure she didn't.  I think everything was just, she was squirmy and, you know, that's a hard measurement to get.

But don't worry, the stork in the yard that we came home to has our little peanut at, uh, 18 inches, 7 pounds, 6 ounces, so that'll be a cute little memory forever, our little, little shorty. So, after she was born and we, like I said, we let our surrogate recover and we went to our room and, It was such a peaceful experience.

I mean, holding her my husband and I just like kept looking at each other and just being like, is this, is this real life right now? And then of course when she was ready to feed, you know, we had the formula ready to go. We brought our own formula, the by heart. Like I said, we brought our own bottles.

I brought two different kinds of bottles to see what she might like. Admittedly. I, so with the boys, we use Dr. Brown's bottles. It all started with Hunter having reflux and just being a preemie. That's what they use in the NICU. That's what he learned with. And so I just use the same bottles for Noah.

And while they're great bottles, highly suggest them to any like colicky baby, any baby that has trouble feeding gas, any of that.  If you don't need them, I mean, like I was truly thinking like, okay, our daughter's going to be born full term. I, at this point don't have any. knowledge that she will need all of this,  extra support with a bottle.

So let's just not do those. Well, I don't have to clean seven parts per bottle. So I brought the Como Tomo bottles and I brought Avent bottles and She latched to both, at first, but she kind of struggled. She was having a hard time  at first. And truly I wasn't worried because I've watched my 24 weeker learn to do all the things.

And I'm like, she just seemed, she was very sleepy. I mean, she was just born. And I also kept thinking about when I was, you know, pumping and breastfeeding. I'm like, it takes a while for the milk to come in. So if she's not going to take a bottle right away, like, isn't that okay? Isn't that normal?

I really just actually was very proud of myself for being confident and still feeling really confident with a newborn and, trusting my gut and my instincts. And. You know, parenting off of what I know, and also being open to new experiences, but I, I wasn't worried. I knew she would get it. So it wasn't the big stressor that I had in the past, especially with Noah when I was trying to do to breastfeed him and just make sure.

He was being fed in those first few days. I just remember him crying and crying and stressing out in the hospital and it was just a totally different experience. And while she was taking the bottle, she wasn't taking as much as they would like to see before going home. So we did stay in the hospital with her for 48 hours, which we kind of anticipated anyway.

They said we could be discharged anywhere between 24 and 48 and She was totally healthy overall. Jaundice levels were a little bit high at birth and we discovered it's because her blood type and our surrogate's blood type I guess  those blood types together puts. the baby at a higher risk for jaundice. And that was  really the only risk factor of jaundice that she had and she never needed,  to be under the light or anything like that. They just really needed to keep checking her levels and keep an eye on that before discharge.  And to do that, you know, they really wanted to also see her be drinking more milk.

So then she would have more dirty diapers, which would help get all of that out of her system. And get her,  Billy Rubin levels where they needed to be ultimately, to make sure. Cause we're like, okay, we want to go home. Like, this isn't our, we, we're really appreciative of everyone at the hospital.

It's not our hospital. We knew we had a pediatrician and family and doctors that we know waiting for us at home. So we were like, jonesing to. bring her home. So we were very focused on doing whatever she needed to eat more. So my husband ended up going out and buying Dr. Brown's bottles and preemie nipples, which that ended up being the key.

And I don't think it was the bottles themselves. It was really just like that preemie flow nipples. She just needed a little more time. With learning and catching onto the bottle. And I think that definitely helped, but after a week of being home,  we were able to switch her over to, the level one or whatever the nipple comes with, the bottles.

And she was able to feed from any bottle to this day. She uses the Dr. Brown's and she also uses the Avent bottles. She was using the Como Tomo bottles too. And I myself just did not like them. They're really cool and innovative. They're like that silicone material and they're like squishy.

But for me, it was  hard to read the lines on them, to like fill them and also see how much milk she took. So as a type a anal person, I didn't love that. And my husband didn't like it either. So we stopped using those actually. I assume those bottles would be better for somebody who maybe is making the transition back and forth from breastfeeding and bottle feeding because those bottles really do mimic the breast.

But for me, I just, They weren't very user friendly for me, so anyway, she started feeding just fine. We got discharged, but they wanted us to be seen by a nurse one more time before we got on a flight home just to check her jaundice levels one more time. So we did that, and Everything was fine. She was  clear to fly.

And speaking of flying, our plan, like I said, we stayed there for a few days before we were in the hospital for 48 hours. And then we decided that we were going to stay local for like a night,  after being discharged, just so we can, you know, You know, have a moment to ourselves with her before just hopping on a plane home, obviously, in the hospital.

You have nurses and doctors and everyone around you and checking on you. And so we really just wanted to, like, feel confident in ourselves before we went straight from, like, the hospital to an airport,  which was really good because,  it got me more confident with feeding and doing things on our own and not in a hospital setting.

So yeah,  we stayed at a hotel room. It was a really great hotel. We had everything we needed. I mean, I will have to do an episode in itself about the whole packing and traveling situation for those who are traveling with a newborn or who are going through surrogacy and their surrogate is in another state, you know, talking about the  pros and cons of driving versus flying.

That'll be a whole nother episode in itself, but ultimately, we went with flying and, we were kind of jonesing to get home, and there was supposed to be some weather, so we were going to see if we could fly out a day earlier than we had intended. Of course,  the weather came in quicker, and there was rain, and so that flight got kept getting delayed.

And before we had to the airport, we're like, my gosh, let's Cancel that one. It was a Saturday and fly home on Sunday. Like we decided because I don't want to be stuck at the airport, especially in the, it was an evening flight. Like, I don't want to be stuck there with the newborn and when I say newborn, literally like a two day year old that is,  we wanted to spend the least amount of time in the airport as possible to avoid germs and all of that.

So the next day we took  a  morning flight. Or I should say we were supposed to, but it was raining and raining and raining and raining. And there was a lot of rain, especially for Texas. Everyone, everything was getting, our flight kept getting canceled and pushed and moved. Ultimately I think we ended up flying out like late afternoon, but. 

Get this, you guys.  I'm happy I was prepared. I mean, we had everything we needed. We bought her a seat so, she could just be in the carrier. I had a cover for the carrier. We had the stroller. It's kind of like the Duna, if you're familiar, but this is the Evenflo dual shift. Same kind of idea where it's like car seat carrier, and then it pops out with the wheels below it and turns into a stroller.

So it's super easy for going in and out of the car and being on the go,  which as a third child, she does all the time because we are constantly on the go. We have two different school drop offs and pickups and activities and doctor's appointments and all the things. Um, I've been loving that stroller, but it was especially helpful when we were in the airport and in this situation, especially.

So we boarded, finally got on a flight, boarded our flight, we're in our seat. You know, we had our checked our bags, we had our carry on bags. I made sure to change her and feed her before our flight. So that second night we ended up staying  we switched hotels. We stayed at a hotel that was connected, like literally inside the airport, which I've never heard of.

Done that before. I've never been in an airport that had that or that I knew of. And it was awesome because literally you can just go down the elevator from your room and get to, you know, TSA and like check in, which saved us so much time, especially because our flight ended up being at like, well, it was supposed to be at like seven o'clock in the morning. 

So we boarded our plane. I did all the things. We were literally sitting in our seat, waiting for takeoff, and the captain comes on and says, So sorry for the inconvenience, an hour ago when we checked, everything with the plane was fine, but we now have two flat tires, and are going to need everybody to exit the plane.

, not what we wanted to hear, but  I am just so grateful that I mean, I can say a month later now that our daughter truly is a gem. She is like the most go with the flow baby. She's predictable. She's easy to, easy to care for, easy to bring wherever. She eats well, sleeps well. Just so happy about that because if not, I don't know how we would have survived this travel day.

So she wasn't the problem. We were just exhausted, really wanted to get home. And so we got off the plane and we're waiting and waiting. And then finally they're like, it'll be like a half hour. So we just need to change the tires, whatever. Well, no, that kept getting pushed and pushed until that plane apparently needed to be somewhere else.

And we had to be pushed to a different flight.  My goodness. And then, so we had all of a sudden we had all this time to kill. And so We go, we sit at a restaurant, we like get a drink, killing time. And then all of a sudden, my husband gets an alert on his phone that our flight took off, that our flight just left, like our newest flight.

And we're like, what? They said it was supposed to be like 1 30 or whatever it was. So we are booking it. We like pay our bill real quick. We like literally just sat down, didn't even finish our drinks, book it to the gate or the new gate we're supposed to be at. Half of our flight is there, and we're like, well, if we missed the flight, all these people missed the flight, too.

Nope, didn't miss the flight. Well, first off, the gal behind the desk didn't really have any information at all. And I'm just gonna, spoiler alert, we were flying American. We are Southwest people, we always fly Southwest, that's what my husband flies for work, never have had truly any cancellations or issues ever. 

This was just, and it could have been the day. I mean, everything was jacked from the weather, but,  no one knew what was going on at that point. Finally, we, we realized,  through someone who was way more persistent than we were and got answers, that Uh, it was a glitch in the system, in the app. Obviously no flight had left and we were still at our same flight, which meant we had another like hour and a half of waiting.

Huh. Off we went to another airport restaurant to sit so we could feed her and change her. And we do this whole thing again. You know, maybe this was just like  God's little way of like laughing and just being like, you know what? No, you need a little bit more practice. before you go on this flight. So let's do this.

Let's run through this a few more times. Feeder, changer. I mean, I even had, um, one of the things we had to purchase is like these. I didn't have to, but from reading,  suggestions was, infant, headphones for her to wear on the flight just because of like the loud noises. And obviously she's like fresh.

Cause I was just very focused on germs and I'm like, okay, we've got all the hand sanitizing things, the surface sanitizers, the covers. So people like don't try to touch her and   I wasn't thinking of that. And so in the last minute I bought that for her and yeah, I think that helped.

I mean, her ears didn't pop or anything. She didn't even, she had her pacifier at takeoff and like I said, fed her and changed her before. You know, everything happens for a reason. I sometimes hate that phrase, but. When it's too heavy, I hate that phrase, but in this situation, maybe it happened because, and I'm glad we got off that flight, right?

I mean, flat tires, not great. If that plane would have taken off, it would have been a very scary story. You know, our patience was tested, but on all, it all worked out. We finally got on a flight. She was great. And. My dad was able to pick us up from the airport and we were greeted by her brothers, my mom, my grandma, and then a whole display in the yard with the stork and little stars that said Big Brother Hunter and Big Brother Noah, and flowers and balloons and  cookies and just, it was surreal walking into our home with our baby and Doors can't explain it. I'll never forget that feeling. 

And of course, I totally forgot to say this because I just got stuck on an airplane tangent as I'm revisiting our traveling. But of course, before we left the hospital, our surrogate was discharged a day before us. So she came to our room with her family. I had gifts for them.

Even though it was so funny because I don't, I don't know what to give somebody who just gave you  So much like everything, like there's no gift to like say thank you for my daughter, like for carrying her safely to us. It's just never enough.  But because we had those four days prior to her birth,  I knew I wanted to use that time to kind of find something special.

I can't even remember now what, what I got her. I think I got her some cute stuff for herself, like a book and nail polish. And then I got her a really special bracelet. I got her and her husband, you know, a DoorDash gift card, you know, while she's recovering, they don't have to worry about food. And then got her kids each a little gift.

But we were able to take photos and get a picture of our surrogate holding Lorelei. And, I'm so happy to have those memories and to have that little bit of closure, although it was. So weird to say goodbye because,  while we plan to keep in touch and we have in the last month, with texts here and there, it's weird knowing that we are both, both of our lives have been enriched and we are moving forward with our own families and, this will always be a special part of our family's story and it's, Lorelei's story that she will know of as she gets older and I have,  a scrapbook and all the things to show her of how she came into this world so our surrogate will, will always be eternally grateful for her. 

It's just wild how now, you know, after a year, year and a half of having this relationship with somebody, you kind of just move forward. as your own family and, gratefully of course. So, in a nutshell, that was Lorelei's delivery. I know I'm forgetting to share so many details, so I'm sure those will come out as I reflect more and I, uh, get more sleep, let's say.

 More on that to come, but, oh, one more thing that just popped in my mind that is just, um, It's not like super significant, but I just thought it was like the funniest coincidence is that the nurse in labor and delivery, her name was Laura. And if you haven't heard, we named our daughter Lorelei after my mom, Laura, and her middle name is Rose, after my grandma Rose, and then my sister's middle name is Rose as well.

But so our nurse's name  and then she said that her parents names were Jacqueline and Josh. And I'm like, what? Out of all the names? Especially, like, Jacqueline, that's so, like, not super common and spelled the way I spell my name. But it was kind of special, and I'll never forget that, that our nurse was Laura, and her parents names are Jacqueline and Josh.

I'm sure I've said this before, but it's worth mentioning again, if you're listening to my experience here, and you've heard now, the story of my daughter's delivery via surrogate, I want you to just keep in mind if you are struggling with infertility, or navigating your own path to building your family, always remember that The path to parenthood is different for everybody, and there are so many ways to build a family and so many ways to become a mom, and the second that you can kind of let go of  expectations that there's only one way to do it,  the sooner that you will find joy and get to the point in life that you want, in parenthood.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would have a child born via surrogate. I never thought that I would not carry my own children. But then again, I never thought that I would lose children either. I never thought that my body would be put through so much.  I never thought that. My marriage and my mental health will be put through so much, but that's our story, and I'm here to share with you that there is light at the end of whatever tunnel you are going through.

You just have to be open to possibilities and open to a different dream, and that dream might mean being childless. That dream might mean adopting. That dream might change entirely, but you are worthy of happiness, whether you are a mom or not, and whether you became a mom the way you intended or not. So I hope you hear that and know that I'm here for you.

As always, I just hope my story can resonate with somebody, educate, support you, all the things. This has been an honor to wrap up season 3 of the podcast. I have so much more in store for you. I am in the midst of creating a helpful, I don't know if I want to call it a course, like community meets course meets resources.

I'm still ironing it all out in a way that I think will be most helpful for you. I'm also in the process of writing a book and of course working on season four of this podcast. As always, I would love your feedback. Hit the fifth star, leave a review, if you've been enjoying listening to this podcast. You can also email me at hello at motherhood intended dot com.

If you have any topics, suggestions, I'm always open for those. I definitely have a running list and so many things I want to touch on in this next season, but  I want you to hear what you want to hear. So I am open to ideas and even guest suggestions. I know for us, school is wrapping up here in the or two, and then we are on to summer break.

If you have kids, I hope summer is good to you and you enjoy it. If you are working, Get out, get away from your laptop or your office or whatever it is that you do and enjoy the weather the next few months because I don't know, here in Chicago, I do not want to take it for granted because before we know it, we will be wearing our winter coats again.

So, summer is always a special time and I intend to to take advantage. If you want to stay up to date on my personal life and the podcast, you can follow along on Instagram at motherhood underscore intended. If you haven't yet, which I hope you have, there's so many of you. There was like over 500 of you in the motherhood intended community group on Facebook.

But if you haven't joined us yet, there's a link in the show notes. And you can stay up to date with the podcast that way. I will also be announcing some things and doing some giveaways over the summer, so be sure you're included in that and join the group. And like I mentioned at the top of the show, follow the podcast so you're alerted of any new episodes because there will be additional episodes dropping this summer. But it's gonna be a surprise because I don't know when. Alright, I hope everybody has a great, great next few months. Thanks. I will talk to you on social media and then keep you posted for the premiere of season four.