Navigating Autism: Insights, Acceptance, and Community Support

Building a KIND Community: Understanding Kids with Invisible Neurological Differences

In this insightful episode of Motherhood Intended, Jacqueline reflects on her recent challenges, including fatigue and her participation in the Wave of Light and annual Walk to Remember events that honor pregnancy and infant loss. She shares her family’s journey with her son's autism and ADHD diagnoses and introduces guest Kari Baker, a Christian author and founder of KIND Families. Together, they discuss the emotional and practical aspects of parenting neurodiverse children, emphasizing the importance of early intervention, community support, and acceptance. Kari shares her transition from financial consultant to special needs advocate, inspired by her son Brady's journey. Listeners gain valuable insights into creating supportive environments, addressing emotional struggles, and the significance of joining support groups. The episode is a heartfelt call to action for parents to seek understanding and connection, highlighting resources and the need for open conversations around neurodiversity.

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Finding KIND: Discovering Hope and Purpose While Loving Kids With Neurological Differences

Transcript

Hey, it's Jacqueline. Thanks for joining me again on Motherhood Intended. I don't know about you guys, and I don't know if it's the weather, like, being cooler, but I have just been so tired lately. Like, I just want to curl up in comfy clothes and do nothing. Like, so unusually tired. And sure, do I have a six month old?

Yes. But does she sleep through the night like a champ? Sure does. She's honestly been doing that since like two months old. I mean, she goes down at like eight. And lately she'll wake up around, I don't know, six 30, take a bottle and go back down to sleep for another couple hours. I mean, can ask for anything better in that department.

I feel like I'm getting enough hours of sleep per se, but just like, maybe it's just not like the restful sleep that I need.  I don't know you guys, but there is like not enough coffee in the world lately to make me feel just awake and a hundred percent, which is making it really hard to be productive. I find myself.

taking power naps in the afternoon these days just to like get through the rest of the day because it's like the only option at that point. That's how tired I feel. So I'm not sure what that's all about. Hopefully it's just like a seasonal transition or the result of a busy few weeks emotionally and physically.

But yeah, we, we had a busy weekend, did some fall activities with our family, and then we were part of the annual Walk to Remember with the SHARE Program through our hospital. I know I've brought up the SHARE Program before, but if you are a parent who has experienced a pregnancy loss, the loss of an infant, loss of a baby, loss of a child.

Definitely find a shared chapter near you. It is such a great resource and support when you're navigating the loss of a baby and figuring out grief and just feeling supported and not alone in the whole experience. We were introduced to this group by the social worker at our hospital back in like 2016  And initially when our miscarriages were fresh, you know, we would just go to the, we would go to the meetings and find support, but then as the years gone on, you know, we really just connect with people in the online Facebook group and we participate in all of their community events and remembrance ceremonies for our daughters.

So it was really special to be at the walk this year, especially having Lorelei with us. Last year, I had the privilege of being the speaker for this event, which was really amazing, uh, to share our story and give hope to like the almost thousand people that were in attendance.

Unfortunately, last year was like super cold and rainy. And so it wasn't like the best event overall. I mean, the vibe was, but it was just kind of, you know, a little dreary with the weather. But this year the walk was really amazing. And I had the honor of being on the planning committee for the walk and you know, the way they set it up, everyone just did such a wonderful job.

I mean, it was really a morning filled with community coming together with other families who share the loss of a baby. And there's something about it, like, like being with other people who have experienced something that you have, where you just feel seen and supported and not alone. And it is just a special event every year.

It raises funds to have the share program work and run. Um, and it's also to donate to our hospital because they are creating a bereavement room for families. And I just think that is so amazing. I wish we had this when we experienced our losses.

It would have been a lot easier to deal with having a safe space to grieve in the midst of it all because you know you're in labor and delivery and the mother baby floor and you're seeing a lot of happy people and babies being born and then going home and when you're in that experience and you've just lost a baby, it can be really difficult setting.

So a bereavement room is just going to be an amazing addition to our local hospital.  The other special part of this event, of course, is they do a raffle, which is how they raise all of the money. So many local businesses  and families donate items in honor of their babies. Um, so they had tons of raffle baskets.

They had activities for the kids and all the siblings that were at the event, all the wonderful rainbow babies in attendance. And then there's always a speaker and music. And then the most beautiful part is that they read off all of the babies names. And when your baby's name is read, you go up and get a rose for your baby.

Um, it, it's just such a good feeling hearing the babies that you've lost, hearing their names out loud, having other people hear their names. You know, our family has attended with us every year, and it just, It just makes it that much special to know that our daughters were loved by not just us, but our extended family and community.

And so then when they, after they read the names and the ceremony concludes, everybody takes a walk, which is over a little mile, um, in remembrance of all the babies gone too soon.  So it was really special to be a part of that, and the Motherhood Intended podcast was a sponsor for The Walk. So it was just a great time with the family, doing that over the weekend.

And then on that same theme this week, um, October 15th, was a wave of light. So it's when everybody lights a candle for the baby that's, They've lost and the idea is like you light it at seven o'clock your time. You keep it lit for an hour until the light passes over to the next time zone And it's all just to literally shed light on all the babies that have gone too soon To remember them to talk about them So it's always like usually October 15th is how my family like closes out this season of reflection and remembrance and honestly education because you know, I've seen this all over Instagram, but it's like parents don't need these special days to remember the baby that they lost or their child that died.

Like it's never not on our minds. It's really for everybody else and to share with them with the world and educate others on miscarriage and stillbirth and all the things that lost parents have to deal with.  I've mentioned this before on the show, but all of our daughters, they were all born in September.

So September is always like a really emotional month for us. And then we do the walk and the wave of light. And that kind of concludes our month and a half long season of reflection and  Grief and education all kind of clumped together because  And I don't mind it. It kind of usually sparks new ideas in my mind of how I can help others.

And it's always a big leap in my healing each year. So I love talking about my daughters and everything we've been through. And, um, yeah, so that was the highlight of our weekend. And then we also did, you know, a pumpkin patch farm situation with our extended family, which was a lot of fun. Could have done without the, the wind that was happening, um, on Sunday because it was like blowing dirt in all of our faces and it was a little colder than we would have liked, but it was, um, fun nonetheless. I'm sure we'll hit up another pumpkin patch at some point anyway. 

The season's not over, friends. All right, enough about me. I really want to get into today's guests. So if you've listened to last week's episode, you know that my husband and I recorded together to discuss our experience with the diagnosis of autism and ADHD in our son 

it was a couple years Kind of in the making per se like it was on our minds and we always wondered We just didn't really know what to do with it. And we weren't sure we've had our son in occupational therapy anyway So he's been getting support we knew that with his extreme prematurity and low birth weight He was at risk for so many things so So it's all been in the back of our minds from the, since the day he was born, um, but some of these behaviors never really came to light until he entered school and was put in a lot more social interactions and really just seeing him side by side with his peers and noticing some differences, um, of how his brain works and how we handle certain situations.

Um, this all kind of, you know, Came to light for us with having him evaluated and getting a diagnosis of autism and ADHD. So if you haven't listened to that, go back and listen to that episode. It's our own personal story with neurodivergence. But I really wanted to get that out and share experience because today's guest is Carrie Baker, and she's a Christian author, speaker, podcaster.

She's an avid blogger on topics of faith, special needs parenting, and finding your purpose. And most importantly, she's the founder of Kind Families, which is a community of people who love kids with invisible neurological differences. The KIND community is for parents, caregivers, friends, and advocates of kids whose brains work differently than their peers, but have no outward visible disability.

She's also the host of the KIND Families Podcast. Carrie became a mom in 2014 when her son Brady was diagnosed with autism at age 3. Her and her husband John live in Scottsdale with their son and their hound dog Princess Leia.

In this episode, Kari shares with me her experience of parenting a child with autism  and what led her to leave her full time job in finance and start the work she's doing now with Kind Families. Take a listen. Take a listen.

Hi, Carrie. Thanks for joining me on the Motherhood Intended podcast today. Thank you so much for having me.  Yeah. I'm so glad we were able to connect. Um, I have so many questions for you both just personally and just because I know my, my listeners are going to benefit from this conversation.

 As I do with everybody, let's just start from the beginning. I want to hear a little bit more about you, your family, and then, um, let's dive into all things kind families because I just, I'm dying to learn more about that. 

Okay, wonderful. Well, I was actually always a financial consultant. It's what I always wanted to do.

I was a planner. I'm a planner with everything, not just my career. I wanted everything planned out and I thought I was pretty good at it. So, um, I married my husband a little bit later. That was one plan that took a little longer than the rest of them actually locating him and uh, tying the knot, but,  uh, and, uh, and then as I'm sure your listeners can understand, it took us a little longer to get pregnant than we thought it might.

Uh, so I did not have my son until I was almost 40. I was three months shy of my 40th birthday when we had our son Brady and, um, you know, the pregnancy was a difficult one. He, when he was born, thankfully he was very healthy, but had a lot of other issues from being breached. He had to wear a helmet. We had to do occupational therapy because his neck wouldn't turn, um, as an infant.

And so we kind of got a little taste of some of the therapies we might be doing later on early on. Yeah. But. But when he was two, we took him to his well check appointment, and he had walked on time, he had talked on time. He talked a lot, actually, and, um, the pediatrician gave us the all clear. She said, autism is off the table, he's doing fine developmentally, and so we kind of shifted that away from our thinking. 

and went on. But in the back of my mind,  there were still a lot of things that I knew were a little bit different about him. And he, he was a joy around us most of the time, but when he wasn't, it was. Full Armageddon. And, um, every day at preschool I would drop him off and he would wail. He would flail in my arms.

I would have to physically bring him into the classroom. The teacher assured me five minutes later he was totally fine.  But he was, Um, we noticed that he was very, um,  alone in the classroom. And by that I mean we had some teachers that would send pictures home at the end of the day. And wherever all the other kids were, Brady was not. 

So if all the kids were in circle time, Brady was in the corner of the classroom rolling around on his back. Yeah, if the kids were on the playground on a we're all together on the structure. Brady was off riding a tricycle by himself. So,  I was a little bit concerned about that as well.  He had some extreme interests that, um, I just figured we're toddler appropriate because it was the Wiggles.

I don't know. Right. If you're familiar with the Wiggles. I know exactly what that is. Yes. So a lot of younger moms don't know the Wiggles, but they were four grown Australian men that would sing and dance and they had a dinosaur and a pirate and all this fun stuff. Well. Yeah. Brady started watching the shows, but then he became more interested in the actual DVD covers than the shows itself.

So we had lots of the DVDs and he would lay them out on the ottoman in perfect lines and just stare at them super intently and kind of rock back and forth. And, um, eventually that wasn't enough for him. So he wanted me to pull the insets out of the  photocopy them and cut out little pieces of them like Jeff's head or Marie's guitar or something like that.

And then, God forbid, he lost that little treasure. It was Armageddon again. So, um, there were little things like that that started to concern me and One day I dropped him off at preschool, he was in the threes by this time, and I asked the teacher if there was anything that was concerning her. And she did say, well, you know, he doesn't want to come over for circle time.

He, uh, you know, we were having trouble getting him potty trained at the time and it seemed like all the other kids were, had mastered that at, at the time. The threes class. Um, and then she said that whenever she would ask him a question, he would just repeat the question back to her. He wouldn't actually answer the question and that I hadn't picked up on at home and it kind of concerned me.

And I went home and I couldn't concentrate on work. As I said, I was a financial advisor and I worked from home, but I sat down, I just couldn't concentrate. And there was this magazine on my desk.  And it was one of those  society magazines. So it's, you know, the pictures of the charity balls and stuff like that.

I never, never usually opened this thing. Right. But it was sitting on my desk. I was distracted. I open it up and there's an article there written by a woman named Patty Dion, who's here in Arizona, and she wrote about her son, Dave, who. Had a very troubled childhood and, and,  his high school was very, very difficult on him.

And it wasn't until he was in his early twenties that he was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time, which is now under the autism spectrum umbrella.  And it was a really sad article because this, this kid never recovered from all the trauma of going through life, not understanding why it was different.

And at the bottom of the article, there was an online quiz.  And this woman had founded an organization called Think Asperger's and so I went online and I took this 15 question quiz and wouldn't you know it, I answered every single question yes. And when I hit submit, it came up that your child needs to be evaluated for autism spectrum disorder. 

And honestly, I was like, Uh, I was completely devastated in the moment, and I did not know anyone with autism. I was, uh, completely ignorant about what autism is, what kind of future people with autism can have. I just knew some really hard Awful stories that were out of the media about people with autism, and I just crumbled.

And  I actually live three blocks away from my parents, and That is so funny. I live two blocks away from my parents.  My mom will be jealous that you're one block closer. And I will say, I'll give the caveat, my husband is the one who said that would be a really good idea after we had kids and he was absolutely right.

Same with my husband. I was like, I did not imagine when we were moving out of our townhouse looking for our quote unquote forever home, you know, to raise our family. I mean, we wanted to be in the town, but I never, I never thought we'd be like in my neighborhood. Like my son goes to the schools I went to and my husband was like, no, this is it.

This is the one. And, you know, of course he's right. And it's so awesome having grandparents nearby. Oh my gosh. That's too funny. I feel so much for people who don't have their family nearby because we rely on them so much. Yes. I think my mom had her mommy SP on that day because immediately after I, I took that quiz, she called me.

And she could tell that I was not okay. And my dad was at my door two minutes later.  And I just, I crumpled into his arms and we both just sobbed for, I don't even know how long. And when I finally couldn't cry anymore, you know, my dad just said, we will do everything we can to help you. We will do anything we can.

And so he left and I still had a few hours before I had to go pick Brady up and so I just went into fixer mode, you know, I was like, yeah, okay. There was no doubt in my mind that that questionnaire was 100 percent correct. I didn't go through denial. I, I knew based on all of those questions, there is no way that my child has anything other than autism.

Um, he does have a few other things.  Yeah, well correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure like I would just you know, at least for me like reading through some of those things I'm sure was a little bit of not relief, but more like wow  seeing all these things in one  Questionnaire that hit home 

it's like wow cuz I I know I just I've spent a lot of time like wondering  Oh, why does he do things that way? And as soon as it's kind of been like laid out,  right in front of me, I'm like, wow.   It's terrifying, but it, it does give me a little bit of, um, I don't even know what the word is comfort and just knowing that like, someone has  written something because there are other people that their brains work this way. And obviously everyone is unique and different.  But, um, I don't know, maybe there was a little piece of a, a little bit of a good feeling in there for you. I feel like it was for me. 

I, so I had no clue beforehand. So I can honestly say I didn't find any redeeming stuff in it. And unfortunately. And he's young now at the, or at this point. He was three. He was three. So I, you know, it was, um, it was, I just immediately jumped to, Oh my gosh, will you ever go to college? Will you ever get married?

Will you ever, you know, leave the house? And, um, so it took me a long time to get to that point where I was, Meeting other moms who had kids that were really similar to Brady. And that's when I started to feel the relief, like, Oh my gosh, your son is so similar to my son, you know, and hearing these, these characteristics and these traits and the things that kind of might be triggers for them or the things where they're actually, you know, really gifted and talented.

And so that was, that came much later for me, but I initially just went into turbo mode. You know, as far as research, I got doctor appointments, therapist appointments, evaluations. Um, you know, we were at the library, we were online, we were, we just started running a million miles an hour because the one thing that we, one message we did get is you have to do as much as you can before, you know, they reach, Some certain age because that and that's when it'll have the most impact.

So we felt like we were running against the clock and and then so I think what happened with me is that I just never took the time to Accept what was happening and to realize that my this whole plan that I had set out As my motherhood plan and the type of kid I was going to have and the type of life we were going to have, um, I was still holding on to that for dear life, thinking I could do all these things as quickly as possible and still go back there.

And it took me a really long time to, let go and really actually embrace the life that we do have with Brady and what he can do. And he's 13 now. So that was 10 years ago. It was actually 10 years ago this month. So it's crazy to look back. And my husband and I were talking about it and he said, I couldn't even imagine what 10 years From then would have looked like and neither could I I certainly didn't imagine Starting kind families and writing a book and doing all this kinds of thing.

I was just trying to survive I was just trying to keep my head above water frankly And so what we also did that,  you know looking back I wish I would have come to terms with a little bit earlier, but we we did get really secretive about it Yeah. You know, we told, obviously my parents knew, we told my very best friends and I told my business partner because I knew that, you know, my work schedule was going to get thrown into oblivion with all the, the appointments I was going to have to go on.

But other than that, if people. Asked about it. We just said, Oh, you know, he's got some developmental delays and we're working through that, you know, and, um, we were able to get him an aid in, in preschool and kindergarten at school to help him with some of the social interactions and, um, the promptings from the teachers and things.

But, um, so other parents were very curious, of course, like, well, why does Brady have a, an aid in the classroom? And, and I was just very secretive about it and. I, you know, I, looking back on it,  I was asked one time if I felt ashamed and I wasn't, and I did, but it was not shame about my son and who my son is.

It, it was, I was ashamed that I was not part of this What I thought was a typical parenting experience with everybody else because I was supposed to rock parenting. I was supposed to rock being a mom. You know, I waited until I was later in life and, you know, I had a business and I could do all these things and I was supposed to be a mom and everything was supposed to go exactly the way I planned.

And I was ashamed that something I had done was so wrong. I'd failed him and,  I can understand that, my son Hunter, he was born at 24 weeks. And so I'm, my journey has been a little different because I've already kind of had this and he was, you know, from IVF, we've gone through infertility and things like that.

So I've kind of had that mindset or had to get over that piece of, you know, the dream that I thought, you know, or what motherhood would look like for me before I even became a mother. And then, you know, he kind of threw us into a lot of therapies and things, which  I'm not going to say everything happens for a reason.

I think that, I don't know how I feel about that statement, but  I'm very grateful in the fact that there's a silver lining in everything. And the way that Hunter came into this world, I think was just preparing us for who he is. Like he's always been who he is. And we were introduced to so many therapies and, um, you know, interventions early on because of this, because I do think about that.

Like, he was six when he was  he's six and a half. Now this is all very fresh and I'm still learning and digesting it all. And You know, all the things that you're saying, I'm probably, obviously I'm like a decade behind and I'm just, but I, it makes so much sense to me. Um, and you know, I just always think about like, wow, I don't know if this would have been on my radar had I not always known, like,  his low birth weight, he was two pounds when he was born and his prematurity put him at a high risk for many things that have always been in the back of our minds.

But without truly understanding what that looks like, you know, I've just kind of. Brushed it off and and things have changed as he's gotten older. But, hearing you talk about how when you look back, you wish you would have come to terms with it sooner. I understand kind of like the shame and it's not has nothing to do with,  your child and my child.

It's it's more just me being like, Oh, man, like this. It was my body that, that he was bailed him and, and, you know, just so many things that you're trying to wrap your brain around. Um, but yeah, in regards to telling people or not telling people, I feel very, I'm still in, I'm kind of in that right now, you know, we've told our parents and our family that's close, you know, like I said, we live two blocks away.

So we see my family all the time. Everyone is, you know, very big part of Hunter's life. Um, and then I told, you know, my best friend, because I needed somebody to kind of keep me sane as I'm navigating all of this.  But it's come to the point now where I'm like, I don't, I don't know my hesitation or what it is.

I want him to understand. I want others around him to understand,  that everyone's brains work differently. And so, yeah, I'm, I'm just now navigating how I feel about this and when to do things,  and I'm sure anyone listening who's been in a similar situation. It's, it's a lot to kind of  wrap your head around in that moment.

Yeah.  Yeah. Well, and we didn't tell Brady about, he was later diagnosed with ADHD as well. Yeah. But we didn't tell him until he was going into second grade and the reason that we told him is because we enrolled him at that point in a school that was for, for specialized learning. Challenges. So, okay. He, it was a very small school.

There was gonna be kids with autism, a DH, adhd, dyslexia, all the kind kids. It was a kind school. Yeah. You know, and, um, and we wanted him to go in there  if, if other kids were gonna be freely talking about their diagnoses and how their brain works. We didn't want him to be blindsided by anything. Right. So.

Makes sense. You know, so I created this big, I spent like two days and I created this big, you know, presentation for him. And, you know, I had videos and all this stuff and sat down and had this big heart to heart with him. And he basically just like, okay, can I have screen time now? Yes, you can.  Kind of how I picture the conversation.

It's kind of how I picture it going with my son. I, I will have to circle back, but yeah, that's, that's kind of what I envision, um, knowing him. Yeah, um, yeah. I think I was thinking the same way. We, we, I kind of felt at first, again, like you said, kind of keeping it secretive. It made me feel better at first, because I was like, you know what, this is, I, I had such a big fear of like, Labeling him and I didn't want others who don't understand autism to just hear the word and make their own assumptions of him.

Um, especially at such a young age when he's just like figuring things out. But I did create, and I took this from somebody I follow on Instagram, um, who, Um, has two children on the spectrum and,  she created this like about me page of her son and daughter and she gives it to like their coaches and, their teachers.

And it's just like for the little things like to know that like, Hey, look, cause you know, he doesn't have an aid in class. He doesn't have extra support at this point. Um, the school is aware of some of his needs and he'll sometimes go to the sensory room and they've given him some appropriate like fidget toys and things like that for school.

But, um,  To the other kids, you know, they don't like there's no difference they don't see an aid with him Or they don't understand that he might do things differently or think differently  So it's important for me for him to have a successful year that at least the teacher no new so I kind of just started trickling out to be like anyone who is seeing him every day and like can help him in The way that he needs help.

I want them To know. Um, but as I, I, yes, I, I think about the conversation I'll have with him and Ben often lately and I, and I don't know the answer to that, to that yet. Well. Makes sense.  There's a, it's kind of a two sided coin too. So there was a lot of relief, I think on Brady's part, knowing why some things were so much harder for him than other kids.

Um, but then on the flip side, when he would struggle with something, he'd say, I hate my brain. I hate my brain. And he would, you know, put that on that autism label. So yeah, I think in general, it was, it's a good thing that he knows. And he's, he's at 13 now. Um, he is very comfortable. He's gotten very comfortable with who he is and, you know, things that are difficult for him that are still difficult.

I mean, we, this is a lifelong. journey that we're all on. Um, and all we can try to do is help them with where, where they're challenged and try to nurture the gifts that they do have. But, um, I think that it, if, if you asked him, he would say most of the time, he's glad that he knows that he is neurodivergent.

And I think we're also, you know, in a, Place today versus 10 years ago where there's much more awareness and understanding Even in that short amount of time I mean,  I was afraid just like you were saying, you know We didn't want to tell Brady's classmates and their parents that he had autism because I was afraid Parents wouldn't let their kid play with them or they would you know, you know John was in the military my husband and he was said well what if he wants to go in the military and then And autism's on his record and we can't, so he didn't even, we didn't tell, even tell the school district for a long time.

And that was a mistake in our, at least in our state, that was a mistake waiting to do that. But there were these perceptions and I won't say that they aren't, some of them weren't,  I mean, we had a guy in Brady's kindergarten class whose son was at Brady's table when on the first day of school and asked the teacher to move their son because he was sitting next to the special needs kid. 

So there's going to be that. There's going to be that ignorance out there. Um, and, but you know what? I was just as ignorant before I had Brady and, and learned about it myself. So part of kind families too is, you know, we have to teach people that everybody's brain works differently. Yours works differently from mine.

 I did a school presentation for a school,  event and I don't know if you ever saw the. YouTube video or the picture of the dress. There was a woman's dress and it was either some people saw it blue and black and some people saw it gold and white. So I love that because my husband sees that blue and black and he swears up and down it's blue and black.

I see that white and gold. Like, you know, I cannot fathom how he does not understand that that's white and gold. And I use that saying, neither one of us is wrong. That's the way our brain is processing that information and, and we're able to receive it. So, um, you know, I, my, my hope really is that. That by the time your son is, you know, in junior high and high school, it'll be even a more understood and accepted, reality of, of life.

Because one in five or one in six kids has some kind of neurodiversity that they're being diagnosed with right now. So, yeah, if you're not used to it now, you better get used to it because you're gonna be working with somebody. You're gonna be in class with somebody. It's, there's no escaping it. So, yeah, let's learn about it, you know? 

Absolutely. And I hope that is the direction it continues to go. You know, I even just from, you know, when I grew up to now, or even before I had kids to now, I mean, it was, it's been more on my radar even before it was a personal story for me. Um, I, I knew more about it than I ever had in the past. And so I think it is, being talked about more, which is good.

And some of my research too, I remember reading that, and everyone will have their own way of doing this, but I read that. When the child learns earlier on about autism and just who they are, they're less likely to be anxious and depressed and depressed.

all these things going into adulthood. And so that whenever I read that, that was really on my mind. And again, I'm hoping the perfect time will come up and I'll figure out the most appropriate way to discuss it with him. But my biggest hope, as I'm sure yours was, is just, yeah, I want him to be confident in who he is and celebrate his gifts, like you said, but also understand himself.

 I know myself as an adult I'm still learning things about myself and how I work and we're always evolving as people in general So, you know my first reaction was like I really just want him to know himself as much as he can to empower himself when he can so Yeah, lots of things to think about When navigating that conversation and telling others in your life.

So speaking of KIND and the KIND families, I know what it stands for, but tell us a little bit more about the acronym and  what made you decide to start KIND families?  Well, the acronym is Kids With Invisible Neurological Differences, and it can mean any kid that kind of looks like every other kid walking down the street but has some different wiring going on in their brain that is affecting that the way they interact with the world and that they receive information.

It's really kind of interesting how it came about. I, I started writing about our experiences with Brady actually in 2018. I had a, a lady at my Bible study. I had been, um, kind of new in my faith and I'd been going and she told me I'd been really like dumping all of my stories out on these women that I didn't even really know that well.

And she told me, she's like, you should write a book.  And it, it just kind of was like, huh. Well, maybe I should start writing. And I sat down and I started writing and it just started gushing out of me. And I mean, I wrote for hours. If I sat down on a Saturday, I would write for six hours and look up and be like, Oh my gosh, it's six hours later.

So I had all of these words and this is six years ago and I gave them to my husband to read and he read it and he just said, this just seems like it's really hard to be Brady's mom. That's what this reads like. And that just gutted me and I said, well, that is not the message that I want to have out. But it was during that time that, that the KIND acronym came to me because I kept talking about his, the invisibility  of his neurological differences.

So when he would have a big emotional reaction and we were out in a public place, you know, people would look at him and I would just get that, you know, stare like, Oh, what a horrible mother. She can't control her child. And yeah. And, and there, there was, uh, not as much.  Grace. I felt like people were extending to kids that just kind of look like every other kid.

And so the invisible part came to me. And then, the kind acronym just kind of fell in my lap.  I did think I was onto something. I talked to my husband about it and he's like, you should get the website for that. And so I, I got the website domain and then it just sat there for years. I mean, I didn't know what to do with it and I don't think it was time yet for me to tell that story.

And it was probably really good that I got some of those hard stories down because  the book does have some of those hard stories in it because that's part of all of our stories. Right.  But what I realized now that he's 13, we've gone through this,  this acceptance of who he is, we have survived all of these school changes.

You know, we've come up on the other end and we've learned a lot from about our parenting style and. Believe me, we do not have it all figured out. We make mistakes every single day. But, suddenly I kind of went back and started looking at those and I was able to reform them into more of a story about  why it was so hard for me in the beginning.

And it was that I was clinging onto this plan that I had no business making for myself in the first place. place and that letting go of that and trusting that my son was made exactly the way he's supposed to be made with all the gifts and talents, which I know he has,  that if I could just let go of that expectation that I had and focus on who he is and the fact that I was his mom for a reason too.

So, um, that, that it changed my whole perspective. And so it was cool too, because these last few years, Brady's kind of blown our minds with some of the stuff that he's done. So.  The whole last section of the book is talking about Brady and some of the things that he's done that are amazing. He swam a 1.

76 mile lake swim across a huge deep water lake in Idaho by himself. Like he  does, like he is, he's an amazing kid. And, and I, that was the other part that I felt like moms, especially new on the journey needed to know is that, you know, There's going to be these victories that you never imagined you would have with your child.

And they are going to be these lights that are going to shine on where their gifts and talents lie. And that light is shining there so that you can help nurture those gifts and talents and get them to a place in their life where they're doing something meaningful and that has purpose. So that's kind of the kind. 

thing. And it was funny. You know, I have, I've had, I can't even tell you how many conversations with moms that my mom, my husband said I was an autism magnet, you know, a couple of years after Brady was diagnosed because I'd be at church or I'd be at school and somebody would be like, you know, I think I might need to get my kid evaluated.

And I would wind up going to coffee and having these three hour conversations with these moms. And John, at one point, maybe he was looking at the bill coming from my credit card from all the coffee dates I was going on, but he's like, well, wouldn't it be great if you could actually have this conversation with the broader audience? 

Yeah. So, um, I had this just amazing opportunity in 2023 to sell this practice, this financial services practice that I had been building for the last 15 years. And, I had never expected that opportunity to come up, but it did. And I just decided I'm going to take the next two years and focus on kind and, and kind families.

And what I've, Found out is that this is my purpose now. So, you know, the podcast, the kind of families podcast, that is that way that I'm, I'm accessing people and providers and therapists and just encouraging encouragement for other families and getting it out to a broader audience. And then, you know, the book is something that I looked for when Brady was diagnosed and I couldn't find it.

There was all kinds of medical journals and. You know, therapy guides and all this stuff. But at the time, 10 years ago,  I couldn't find a narrative of what somebody's family, like, what did you go through? What do you feel like? Because that's the thing I was craving is just that I'm not alone.

I'm cause it was so isolating at first. And.  Every time I would hear, I'll never forget. So one of Brady's occupational therapists gave me a post it note.  This was a few years in, and it was a mom who had a son that was about Brady's age and it had her phone number. And she's like, just call her. And I didn't want to, you know, I was like, I'm a grown woman.

I don't need help. But I called this woman and she picked up the phone and I met her. for coffee a few days later with all of her friends who were in the exact same boat. And oh my goodness, it was like, I had finally walked into a country where people spoke my language and it was powerful. 

And so I would just recommend like, if there's any moms out there that are feeling alone like that, get in touch with You will get refreshed and renewed if you have that conversation with other parents that are going through the same thing, because you are not alone. And, you know, in Arizona, it's one in 33 kids that are diagnosed with autism.

So that used to be one in 500, 20 years ago, and now it's one in 33.  So you are not alone, and if you can't find an in person, type of support group, there are Facebook pages, there are, other organizations that have put together virtual support groups. When I joined the  the Arizona Autism Moms Facebook page, there were like 350 moms in it.

There's over 6, 000 now. Wow. I mean, and so it, and it's a, just a forum, like, Oh my gosh, my kid did this, or I need this kind of therapy for my kids. Where do I go? Um, there are people who are really smart who are putting together, resource pages, web pages for all things autism. And so. So I just, you know, I, I would just encourage everybody that is starting this process to connect somehow.

If it's virtual, if it's in person, whatever it is, um, just talk to somebody who speaks your language and it will make a world of difference in your levels of peace. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Uh, it's such a good feeling when you walk into a group of people who just Who just get it. And, you know, I think the biggest thing is of it's fear of the unknown in the situation, you know, like, what does the future of your child look like?

What is parenting look like now? What is our family dynamic going to look like now? You know?  And so talking with someone who, like you said, you weren't finding any resources that were about like families, like you're getting all the medical information and, learning that side of it.

But, there's something just really comforting and seeing somebody else a few steps ahead of you just to know like, okay, like this is what might be ahead in anything. And we talk about this on this podcast all the time, whether it's infertility or motherhood or pregnancy, you know, you never want to do something alone.

There's always pieces of every journey that can be really scary and overwhelming. And you shouldn't have to carry that, that burden alone. Right. Because there's always. A light through the tunnel, meaning like you will figure it out. You will,  learn different ways of doing things. And most importantly, like you mentioned, you know, you will learn to kind of rework what your dream looks like, or just accept that you're not in control of it, because I was notorious for planning everything out, you know, I'm like, I'm going to get married by the time I'm this age, and then I'm going to have kids at this, this, this I'll have four kids, you know, like I had it all mapped out and not one of those things.

Went to my timeline,  and I look back now and I'm like, wow, like it wasn't my plan, but every piece of my journey so far has fit together in the way that it should even as we uncover new steps along the way. I'm like, I feel. equipped to take this next step because of  what has happened in the past and so forth.

And I think everyone to some degree has that in their life. It's just hard to see when you're doing it alone. So connecting with others is the best, best piece of advice for sure. Right. We've talked a lot about autism.

What other, conditions fall under the umbrella of kind families so ADHD is the other big kind of elephant in the room that is being diagnosed, left and right. But it's anything it's dyslexia, it's dysgraphia, it's OCD, it's sensory processing disorder.

 It's really interesting when you look at all of these different diagnoses, there's a lot of similarities and just how they present themselves and Children, whether in school or with their friends. So executive function is kind of one of those. skills that is impacted across the whole spectrum of invisible neurological differences.

So that impacts how organized they are, you know, whether they're able to keep track of conversations with multiple people in their head. And so  there's similarities and there's, Social,  setbacks with a lot of these things, um, with kids. So I was talking to a woman who was diagnosed with dyslexia, but much later in life.

And, you know, she just said it made her feel stupid because, you know, she used to have to go up to the board and write stuff on the board. And, and she would just have to look over at her partner next to her and copy it down because she didn't know how to, how to do it. And it impacted her entire. self worth, um, because she didn't know that, that she had any difference going on in her brain.

She just thought she was dumb, you know, and that's heartbreaking to me. And so, um, you know, I just encourage any family that is recognizing some differences in their child to take that step and go get an evaluation. And, you know, there are some. Screenings that you can do. I've got some links to those on the kind families websites for, especially for autism and ADHD.

Um, there are some scholarships available for different kinds of organizations. If you can't afford to get the evaluation done because they can be very expensive and they're to get in. But that, that, that diagnosis is you can't think of it as a label. You have to think of it as a roadmap. Like now I know.

How my child's brain is working, how they're receiving information, how they're projecting things out into the world. And here are the steps that I can take to make life easier for them. And, I will say I've had some heartbreaking situations of, Parents who knew something was going on with their kid and for years did nothing about it.

And, you know, I, there's a boy that is Brady's age now who was just recently diagnosed and it was 10 years ago when we were all going through it that we'd, you know, passed on the evaluation information and nothing was done. And this poor kid has just had a really, really tough Um, tough childhood because he didn't know why things were so hard for him and he didn't get the help he needed for all of these things, these, developmental, skills and life skills, that kids his age, can do now that he can't because he didn't get that extra help.

So, that's a big passion for me as well as making sure people know how important it is to know what's going on in their kid's head and to not shy away from that. Yeah,  that's really good advice. I think  knowing what's going on in your child's head and just kind of understanding your kids, especially through every phase of life, as they get older, you know, is hard in general, but when you are feeling that, you know, something might be, um, different, I think, yeah, just know that the help is out there.

The support is out there. There are people, and organizations like yours, like out there to help. Um, the hardest part is just taking that first step and not kind of. Ignoring it.  It's okay to feel, feel grief when that comes in. I'm not saying, you know, go get your, your diagnosis and then do, you know, have a party afterwards.

It's, it's okay to be sad about it. It's okay to grieve that things are going to be harder for your kid going forward. And, you know, It's okay to allow yourself that time. But at the same time, you need to start a process of making peace with who your child is and really embracing and nurturing who they are and what they can do.

Um, and then that will take a lot of that heavy burden off of you when you can be focusing on. Positive things and not always correcting the negative things. It takes a huge weight off of your shoulders. Absolutely. I'm glad you mentioned that. We talked a little bit about this before we hit record, but, that's kind of been like our  process.

And we, we talk about grief on this podcast a lot as it relates to pregnancy loss and, you know, grieving the way you thought you'd get pregnant, you know, when you have to go through infertility and all different kinds of things. And this is no different, you know, it's not, it wasn't in your plan. Yeah.

That's not what you pictured parenting to look like. And so I know from firsthand experience, I definitely kind of went through this, you know, I went from like shock, denial, grief, and then it was probably over six months that I finally got to a point where I'm like, okay, like he needs me and I want him to have everything that.

That he needs to succeed. And that's just what it is. So it's exactly what you mentioned. It's a roadmap. And once you kind of let yourself feel all the feels and, you know, let it sink in, I think, um, which, like you said, there's no shame in any of those feelings, but, get out there and get, get going because, you know, it's up to us as parents to help our kids, especially at such a young age.

And, like you said, not everyone is fortunate enough to, Be put in that situation or realize it or take action when their kids are younger. But hopefully by having more conversations like this, you know, things will continue to change and we'll have way more, um, open conversations out there about this.

So no one has to, dig in the deep, dark web for answers, and we could just connect with each other. I'm curious, your son is 13 now. I just think of, I think my son is going into age seven. I'm like, oh, my gosh, you know, every parent says this. I'm like, where does the time go? Like, how is he 7 already? 

So your son as a 13 year old, you know, a teenager now, said he's very confident and who he is in the diagnosis and everything. What was his thoughts on the book? Does he know about about kind families and your book and what, what, how does he feel about all of that? 

You know, that was the biggest. thing that held me back for a long time was it had to be okay for Brady to let me tell all these stories out there and For maybe one of his classmates to pick up the book and say oh, you know I did not mention potty training in the book. I left that part out 

But  you know, he is a writer So he's super creative. He actually wants to be a movie director when he's older. And he, he dives into movies and dissects all the different components of them and stuff. And so I started letting him read some of the stories about him, about some of the, the amazing things that he's done.

And he loved those. And I said, okay, well, I. If, if you're okay with that, are you okay with some of these harder stories? And you know, he doesn't remember a lot of the stuff that's in there, but he has gone through, he's read the whole book. He read it before I ever decided to send it off to the publisher and, and put it out into the world.

And he loves it. And the awesome part of this is that he is a prolific writer, like he's written 150 stories with my dad, creative writing type stories. Um, and so one night over dinner, we were talking about the forward and Brady goes, well, maybe I could write the forward. And we're like, I said, well, okay, well, why don't you go give it a shot?

And in my head I'm thinking, I better not make any promises because I don't know what's going to come out of this. But he, he literally came back in. 30 minutes and laid it down in front of me and it was perfect. I mean, it had some grammatical errors, but we fixed like three errors and it, it was perfect.

So the forward of the book he wrote and he wants people to understand it. So him, it's like, of course it's got star Wars and Lord of the Rings included. You know, mentioned in it because those are his favorite, but, um, but it's, it's in his voice about, you know, look, there's nothing wrong with my brain. My brain is just different than yours and he relates it to some movie characters.

And so he's, he's been amazing through this. Um,  started, I did a first run at some kind families t shirts and he wanted one that on the back said fearfully and wonderfully made because he wants to at some point have a kind of his own division of kind family so that he can talk to other kids about, it's okay that your brain works differently.

And so that's, uh, that's been the biggest. And my husband too, I mean, he, I had the, to have his blessing to put all of our family stories out there as well. And so both of them, I couldn't have done this if they weren't okay with it. Yeah, of course. That's so awesome. I love that. He is literally a part of the book and helped create that.

That is so, so cool. Yeah. I can literally ask you questions all day long. Um, I just think kind families is just so amazing and putting that out there into the world is just so needed. What do you want the rest of the world, you know, outside of the kind families community? What do you want them to know about kind kids?

Because we're going to have people listening who don't have firsthand experience as a kind family, but you know, um, I know my family is all wanting to support us and, and learn everything that I'm learning alongside us. So yeah, what would you want them to know about kind kids?  Well, I guess  just because they look like every other kid doesn't mean that what's going on in their brain isn't 100 percent real.

So. So, you know, I think it's easy sometimes when there isn't a physical disability and believe me, I am just very grateful that we are not dealing with that on top of the other things that we, we are dealing with now, but,  I have had a level of,  pushback, whether it be from a teacher or other kids that, you know, he's just being.

Weird. Or he's being, um, difficult or something like that.  And just to know that those changes in his brain are real. I will never forget one night at dinner, Brady couldn't eat hot food. Like if the food was not room temperature, he could not eat it. And it used to drive me nuts because I would put his chicken nuggets in the oven and pull them out.

And then I had to put them in the freezer for five minutes and you know, get them to the perfect room temperature. And. One day he finally, when he was old enough, he said, I just got frustrated. I'm like, Brady, just eat the nuggets.  And he said, mom, what is. Room temperature to you is burning hot to me. And that was a real wake up call to me.

Like this is not something that they're faking. This is a real reaction to a world that is not built for the way their brains are wired. And so just have grace and understand that, you know, your kids will be better in their older life, your neurotypical kids for knowing kind kids, because they will teach them that they are better.

They are just as worthy. They are just as fun. They are just as smart. They are just as creative as every other kid on the planet. And, you know, I, we've been really fortunate. My biggest  desire for Brady was for him to have a real friend, like a real tight friend, and he got one in fifth grade and this kid is neurotypical.

And, but man, these kids. They are like two peas in a pod when they get together and they giggle for hours at a time and they think the same thing is funny. And, um, so even though Brady presents himself a little bit odd, a little bit quirky, a little bit different, um, He is a really good friend. He is super loyal and he loves deeply and he feels huge emotions.

And you're, if, if you're trying to keep your kid away from the kind kids, it's, they're the ones that are going to be missing out. So, oh my gosh, I'm like holding back tears because that, that hit me hard with my son in first grade and we talked about friends and things a little bit before, but, um, that's, that is my hope for my son as well.

So I'm, thank you for saying that out loud for everyone to hear. That's so helpful.  Carrie, I really appreciate you being on the podcast today and teaching us about Kind Families. For those who want to connect with you, and take advantage of your resources and read your book,  it is coming out soon.

Tell us all the things that everyone needs to know.  So kindfamilies. com, nice and easy.  And you can actually order the book.  I do have a link on there if you want to just get a download of, the first, the foreword that Brady wrote. And the introduction in the first chapter. So if you go to kind families, it's the top banner there.

And then the kind families podcast is on Apple and Spotify right now. And, the book is out October 22nd. And then I do some various.  So I love, as you might be able to tell, I love talking about this. This is my passion now. So,  if there's an organization that you think would benefit from, from hearing about kind families, I'd love to explore that too. 

Perfect. I am so glad you're talking about it because like I said, I feel like, um, You know, I got connected with you at the perfect time in my life. And so this is a conversation that I needed to hear. And I'm so glad that I found kind families when I did. So thank you again for everything that you're doing.

And I appreciate you for joining me on the show. I'm so glad I was here. I loved our conversation. 

Thanks for listening to today's episode. Whether you have a child on the autism spectrum, or your child has another neurological difference, or maybe this doesn't relate to you so much directly, I really hope you found value either way in this episode. It was really important for me to be open and honest with my child's diagnosis of autism and ADHD, so others could learn to support him and his family.

And understand how his brain works. Those who don't think the same way that you do, I mean, that's just in life, in general. Everybody's brains work differently, whether you are on the spectrum or not. It's not right, it's not wrong, it's not good, it's not bad, it's just different. So the more we can understand neurodivergence, I think the better off everyone will be.

And if you do find yourself in a situation where maybe you're at a point where you're thinking about getting your child evaluated, or maybe it's just been in the back of your mind that your child is struggling with something, but you're not quite sure what it is or how to help them, don't be afraid to reach out.

You can reach out to me. I have a big network of people that I can point you in the right direction,  and you can always reach out to Carrie as well. She is so, so helpful, and the community she's created is amazing. I mean, I'm so happy that I found Kind Families at the point that I did, because it just You know, it fell right in my lap right when I needed it, which was amazing.

If you have any follow up questions about the topics we discussed in this episode, definitely reach out as well. You can find me on Instagram at motherhood underscore intended, and feel free to join us in the motherhood intended community group on Facebook. It's a closed group.  It's great for support for other women, other moms. It's a really diverse group. There's everybody from seasoned moms to new moms to women navigating infertility. We've got some side chats going on about IVF and miscarriage. And it's a great place to ask questions like things like this, like autism or ADHD or things like what, 

Or navigating a child in school and what resources are available. There's almost 550 women in the group now, and it's just such a valuable resource. So if you're not in there yet, go to the show notes, click the link and join. And of course, sign up for our email newsletter. It'll be coming out once a week and it'll be filled with all kinds of stuff.

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It's great visibility for the show. And if you're interested in being a guest on the show or know somebody who would be a great guest, maybe you want to share your fertility story or you know somebody who is very knowledgeable on a specific topic that relates to women or moms.  Fill out the link in the show notes, and I would love to consider having you on as a guest.

I'm always trying to share all different kinds of stories and perspectives surrounding motherhood. And as you know, on this show, it's all about starting conversations that go beyond the highlight reels that we all scroll on social media. So I don't want to know about your cute outfits or  or your picture perfect fall photos or what your daughter ate for lunch.

You know, that's not what we're talking about here. I want to know about what made you cry in your closet last week or how you're handling your child not sleeping or how many times you've had to do cycles of IVF and how it's affected your mental health. The list goes on, whatever it is. I want to hear about all the things that you aren't going to just post on your feed.

That's what we're talking about here on Motherhood Intended. Alright, I think that's all I have for you today. Enjoy your weekend, and as always, friend, you will hear from me again next week.