Authentic Paths: Embracing Life Beyond Fertility Challenges

In this episode, Jacqueline encourages listeners to embrace a whole, authentic life, even when facing infertility. She shares her experiences from attending the 'It's Her Turn' Summit in Los Angeles hosted by Cathy Heller. The summit empowered her to reconnect with her authentic self and provided valuable life lessons, such as embracing vulnerability, surrendering to life's uncertainties, and being present. She reflects on the importance of taking leaps of faith in both personal and professional life, discussing her journey through IVF, surrogacy, and motherhood. Jacqueline emphasizes the need for self-care, authenticity, and focusing on joy and growth while navigating life's challenges. She concludes the episode by encouraging listeners to be proud of their journey and to look forward to more insightful content in future episodes.

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Transcript

Hey friends, it's Jacqueline, and I'm coming at you today from Los Angeles, West Hollywood, to be exact. I apologize if there's background noise. I'm hoping I can clear that all up in editing. But I'm sitting outside right now on the rooftop of the hotel I was staying at, and I decided I had to have a little change in plans.

I know  in last week's episode, I mentioned that, I was going to have my best friend on this week and that episode is still coming for you. But I had to shift it  back a week because I just, I really wanted to share with you some immediate fresh takeaways from the it's her turn.

Summit that I attended with Cathy Heller out here in L. A.  I told you guys I was coming to this. Cathy is who I learned all about starting my podcast from.  Anytime I want to feel empowered, truly in any part of my life, I turn to Cathy's Instagram page. I turn to the work that she's doing, and it always somehow brings it back to myself and gives me that extra boost of energy to take that next step, whether it's a personal step, towards doing surrogacy, or whether it's the courage to start something new in my business.

 And so I want to share some of the things that I learned because I thought I was going to this. It's called the it's her turn podcast. And I got to listen to so many panels of women who are doing incredible things in the world,  making lots of money, creating beautiful products and just thriving.

And I showed up to this summit expecting  very like tangible takeaways to get myself. To where they are, you know, a lot of them, almost all of them, I believe are moms. And it's so inspiring to listen to their stories as it relates to business. But what I did get out of this was so much more.

And truthfully, none of it was like a follow step 1, 2, 3, and you will get X, Y, Z. It all had me turning into myself and doing a deep dive of who I am, which ultimately was why I wanted to come out for this summit. I mean, it was a big deal. It was my first time leaving, Lorelei, you know, she's six months old.

I've never been away from her definitely never traveled without her. So that was a big deal for me and shout out to my husband for being just like the best husband for always encouraging me to follow my dreams and, Do more and be fulfilled in many ways and for being the best dad because he held down the fort for the first time with three kids and did it with grace.

Ladies and gentlemen. I mean, it's no easy feat, right? You know, a six and a half year old, almost five year old and six month old. Um, it's not easy. And especially when they're off school, there's a lot, a lot of time together. So thank you, Josh. I appreciate it.

But one of the biggest reasons why I knew I had to come out here and do this, um, Was because I wanted to find my way back to myself. You know, we all experience this, whether we are navigating infertility, or we are in the thick of motherhood, we lose ourselves a little bit, right? Or a lot of it.  I have lost myself a lot of it,  over the last decade, , through building our family.

And for good reasons and bad, right?  The good reasons is that I just, I put my kids first all the time. I'm so grateful to have them. And my first thought, my first feeling is always like, What can I do for them? Am I doing enough for them? Which is a very natural thing in motherhood. But what I'm learning is that I have to have a season of me.

I have to put myself first instead of everybody else first. And if I do that, I will be the best mom for them.  So I hope you remember that because that is exactly what I got out of this conference is I found my way back to myself and I remembered who I am and I'm so excited to grow and bring you guys the support and the content that you deserve,  with all the new learnings that I have.

So a big takeaway for me on this journey here was  Just be present. Be present to receive what the universe has for you. Stop trying to figure it all out and just like surrender to your own divine power.  We all have been put on this planet for our own assignments. We might not always know what it is, but the more you lean in to these things, the more you say yes to it.

Even when you're unsure and just the more you can jump before you know where you're gonna go. I promise the more everything will start to fall into place and make sense and fill your cup and give you so much purpose and making you feel whole. I know personally for me, the first big leap was, was IVF.

You know, it was scary. At the time it was a financial burden for us. And, um, I didn't know what that was going to look like. I didn't know if it was going to work. I was scared. You know, what happens if this doesn't work? Am I ever going to be a mom? What is that going to look like?  But I did it anyway.

And it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy. And then came pregnancy after loss. That too. I mean, I wasn't even thinking about that part at the time about, okay, even if I achieve pregnancy,  how am I going to get through that? How am I going to get through that with grace?  How am I going to not be crumbled by all of the emotions and feelings and fear that is pregnancy after loss?

Then after we lost Maren and we had to take a really big leap, a really big leap before we were ready, but I knew that my gut was telling me that this is the journey for us. This is the journey for us. Our family is not complete. We want to give our embryo a chance  and then came surrogacy, which was a huge leap of faith.

You know, we leaned into that and we just said, all right, universe, this feels right. I hope you got our back. we had to definitely jump before figuring it all out, figuring it all out financially, emotionally,  logistically, just all the things that come with surrogacy and, you know, having a surrogate that lives in a different state and just everything that came along with that  and now being on the other side of it and holding my baby girl at night and reflecting on the whole journey that has got us to this point and this beautiful family , it's surreal, it's surreal.

So I've done this. In my personal life, and it was a great reminder to just surrender and stop trying to control everything and just go for it in my professional life as well. And so I encourage that for you, whether it's  some fear holding you back in your fertility journey, a fear holding you back in motherhood or your career.

Nothing is permanent. Don't be afraid. It's a play. Don't be afraid to explore. You'll get one life. And I promise the more that you say yes, the more that things will start to align. And you just gotta lead with confidence and not fear. And definitely give yourself the grace to be mediocre at things, right?

Have the courage to not be perfect. That is something I have to constantly remind myself.  I got this bag from Cathy Heller and it has one of her sayings on it, which is, done is better than perfect.  And that could not be more true. People love when you show up as your authentic self in life.

I'm not just talking about if you have a podcast or your social media or your workplace. Being your authentic self is just going to have this ripple effect  and your life and the people around you. I mean authenticity is hard to come by these days and it's like why are we all trying to fit whatever mold we are around, right?

Like what are we, what are we doing? Let's just be ourselves, be our authentic selves, stop trying to people please, stop trying to say what you think people want to hear and just be the person that you are. Stay true to yourself, be vocal about that, and the people who resonate with that will find you.

And through it all, you know, I wish I would have done this more when I was in the thick of fertility treatments and, um,  on my grief journey, I wish I would have taken a pause just to be proud. of myself.  You know, only you truly know what it took to get to where you are, whether that's in your career, your life, your motherhood journey.

Only you know every single feeling, every single emotion, every single hurdle. That it took to get to where you are today. So don't forget to turn around and that's before you even hit your quote unquote goal, because then you will have another goal. You'll have another dream. You will want to add to your dream.

There's always going to be something that you're chasing, trying to add to your life. Even if you have not officially become a mom, if you do not have a child at home, if you're, if your story is not over in that specific journey, take time every now and then, and just pause and look back and be proud of yourself for where you stand today.

So a few of the things I wrote down kind of on the same lines of this topic.  And again, I will share some of the amazing speakers that I got to hear. It was, I mean, all sorts of people, everyone from, business owners to musical artists, Christina Perri  being the highlight here. Um, Rebecca Saral, she's wrote so many amazing books.

I'm sure you've read some of them in five years. Um, the guest list, just so many,  and they all have such a unique perspective on life on motherhood and on business. And so I will be following up with all the lovely tidbits and all the like, all Amazing one liners that have transformed me in the last two days and be sharing that with you.

So be sure to follow along on Instagram, at motherhood underscore intended. I've already shared some videos, from my experience at this conference and,  it's so, so good, you guys. It is so, so good. I feel So transformed from this experience and truthfully, not in the ways that I intended, I went in there with the podcast in my community and growth and how I can expand my reach to help more women.

But I'm not, I shouldn't be surprised because this is exactly what happened with the podcast when I started the podcast. I was like, I want to start a podcast to talk about all the things, all the topics that I did not know about when I was going through it. And I want to provide support that I didn't have when I was going through these things. 

And then I ended up, essentially, healing myself through this whole process and I'm still healing and learning more about my experience and understanding things better. And that's exactly what happened , at this conference. I, of course, I learned amazing things that I'm going to be implementing into Motherhood Intended and the community and,  some things I'm going to be adding in the new year.

But, um,  What really happened was I listened to some really healing conversations and I met some women who have opened up and shared stories with me. And then we connected on a level of loss or infertility and motherhood and this was not a motherhood conference. This was entrepreneurial  women.

But it's like I said, if you are putting out your vibration, your own personal vibration is your contribution to the world.  And so when you are being your authentic self.  Your vibrations, it's like a ripple effect, you know, if you start talking about who you honestly are and being vulnerable and being authentic, it's just going to radiate out from you.

And that's what's happened in the last couple of years, at least for me with this podcast is the more women I talk to, the more I listen, the more I share, we're all helping each other. We're all helping each other. And I have been healing my heart ever since we heal each other through our own vibrations.  

People are given the option to be authentic or to conform. And this is my reminder for you to be your authentic self.

Another thing that was new to me at this summit that I learned a lot about, again, sorry for the background noise. I really hope I can help this out and, and fix this, but I had to get some of these thoughts out before I had to the airport. But I did have to check out of my hotel room. So I am sitting on this, yeah, the rooftop, which is essentially like closed down.

It looks like they used to have a bar and there's like some furniture up here and everything. Um, but it's not a happening place. There's nothing happening  here. It was just a space outside. Um, and I didn't want to lug my, you know, I didn't want to just walk down sunset with my luggage, try and find a coffee shop and waste time.

So here I am in the rooftop of my hotel,  sitting, enjoying the beautiful weather,  hearing all the traffic and noise out here as I try and get this out and talk to you. Um, okay. So I'm just going to leave you with some points that stuck out to me. It's like I was going through my notes. I have pages and pages of notes here of all these different learnings and some of them apply to motherhood, some apply to business.

Once I get organized at home, I will trickle them out to you in a way that makes sense,  for our community. But here are the few bullet points that stuck out to me. So. I'm a Christian,  if you're listening and you're not, and maybe you're spiritual, maybe you believe in some other higher power, whatever it is, My belief and what I heard is that God has given you an assignment.

We all have our own assignment and the more we say yes and stop trying to figure  every step of the way out,  the more that assignment will become clear. The second point is you are worthy of joy. So declare it. Declare it, ladies. Declare it. Infertility and motherhood are all consuming. And one of my biggest goals, especially for this upcoming year, I want to focus on this for you guys, is to remind you to feel joy through it all.

Now, I'm not saying you're going to be like, yay, infertility. I love IVF, um, miscarriages. I'm so joyful. Absolutely not. There is grief and struggle and all the feelings and all of it. But my hope for you is that  you can find small moments of joy. along the way. That you can stay true to yourself, you can be authentic, you can feel whole through a journey that might be six months, might be six years.

I didn't have that when I went through infertility and loss and the years that followed. I lost myself and  it's actually triggering to look back and a lot of the years and know that I was so fully consumed by my infertility and loss and lack and just whatever I thought I was failing at in the moment when I could have been more intentional about  what I, what am I proud of?

What am I proud of myself for? And what are things I'm accomplishing outside of my infertility or on my fertility journey?

And I, I wish I looked back and had more joy because that was a decade of my marriage. I mean, sure, there's like small moments, but at the core of myself, I was broken for a very long time. And it's because I blocked out the ability to feel joy and to accept it and to allow it into my life because I had guilt and grief. 

And so many layers of trauma and experiences.  But I don't want that for you. So stay tuned. I am just working on so many ways that I can help you through  this season of your life. So when you are scared, say yes and do it anyway. Huge takeaway for me. Huge takeaway. Infertility is scary. Maybe you were trying to adopt.

That's scary. Maybe you're making a decision to live a childless life at the end of your journey. There are so many, so many different routes to go and there's not a right answer. When you feel scared, say yes and do it anyway. you can't go wrong if you lean in and let your highest self Lead, show up bigger in your life.

As women, we owe it to ourselves and this country and everybody to show up as our best selves. Don't make yourself smaller to make other people comfortable. Don't hide your emotions and feelings and the things that you're struggling with. So others don't feel uncomfortable because when you show up bigger and you show up.

And you let your highest self lead, the connections that you are going to make in your life will be profound. You are going to connect with other women who can support you. You are going to gain more knowledge to help you in the season that you're in. And opportunities are going to present itself. That you did not know were possible.

So show up bigger, ladies. Take up space in this world.  And unstick the trauma from your body. At the It's Her Turn Summit, I learned a lot about things like breath work, and the mind and body connection. I am just dabbling in how this all works and how much your body is connected to your mind and vice versa.

So there were a few speakers that really knew a lot about the science side of things. And one of the things I learned is that 80 percent of the information traveling through your body starts in your body and goes up to your brain. So whether you're feeling anxious or nervous or depressed, Bye. Bye. Bye.

80 percent of that information starts in your body and goes to your brain. Only 20 percent of information goes from your brain down to your body. So be kind to your body, listen to your gut, don't try to make sense of everything, lean into the feelings that you're having. Your feelings are valid, your intuition is valid and you should follow it. Because  80 percent of that information is starting in your body and traveling up to your brain.

 So if you're like me and you've been through loss, you've been through a traumatic birth, any, any trauma, childhood trauma, anything that you are holding in your body, holding in your gut, holding in your soul is going to hold you back from being your highest self or being your most whole self.  from my experience, I,   there's been multiple times where I'm like, all right,  I am healed.

My drama is not affecting me. My grief does not have a hold of me. It's not powerful. It's all these things. And then it smacks me in the face and that's grief. You know, grief comes in waves, but the trauma that I hold in my body. It's holding me back. It's holding me back physically for being my most healthy self.

It's holding me back mentally from going after what I want and just Not being afraid. So you have to let go, unstick that trauma in your body. And I'm going to be sharing some resources that I have found and come to know  this week. Some of it being breathwork, which at first I was like, I was a little like woo woo for me, and I was like, Okay, breathing as a group, this is weird.

But I shit you not, after learning some breath work, learning the different ways to breathe, learning what to focus on, and learning what that oxygen and pause does for your body and soul and mind. Honestly, game changer.  No matter what you're resonating with right now, what you're thinking of, of your own life, this will hit home for all of us, and I want you to carry this with you as you move about your day.

All you have is all you need to get to where you want to be. You are equipped to go after what you want, whether that's a family, whether that's a job promotion, whether that's finding your husband, whatever it is, you already have what you need to get there. You have it in you, and I'm not going to share it today, but I will be sharing this amazing, amazing entrepreneurial story that goes much deeper than that.

It's about a woman who came from, you know, she had some childhood trauma. She is a mother of many kids. She's a divorced mom. She's, was on welfare and has risen  and is like, an incredible entrepreneur who is taking care of the generations to come. And I can't wait to share that story more with you.

But she's the one who said that. She said, all you have is all you need to get you to where you want to be. So don't think that you need more money to create the family that you want. You don't think you need Um, oh my gosh, what's another good example? Don't think that you need a certain degree to get to where you want to be in your career.

Get scrappy, use your resources, look inward. What are you good at? What do you have? How can you make this work? Necessity is the mother of invention, right? This is how this whole podcast came to be. I have been talking about creating a podcast. For so long years you guys at the very beginning of our fertility journey My husband and I were like should we start a podcast? Well, let's be real I was like should we start a podcast  and he was like, yeah, sure i'll do whatever  and then I did because I let the whole experience of infertility just weigh me down and consume me and I don't know.

I think mentally I would have been much better off had I been talking about this as I was going through it, seeking the support instead of trying to fix everything myself and trying to control everything. But letting go of control and just kind of leaning in would have been the best scenario.

But the phrase, necessity is the mother of invention, is powerful. And so true. I didn't start this podcast until I had to, I had hit rock bottom. I had lost my third baby. I had navigated years of experiences and grief and so many unresolved things in my soul. And it wasn't until a year after losing my daughter, Maren, that I felt like I hit the floor.

And I was like, I can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. In order to be the best mom for my sons, and God willing, any future children, so blessed to have Lorelei, I need to make a change. I need to get help. I need to talk about this. I need to get all these feelings out.  And so necessity is the mother of invention.

Because I needed that, I did whatever it takes to get this podcast up and running. I learned everything I could. I'm still constantly learning.  I didn't look back. I didn't have a goal. I wasn't looking at how many downloads and the numbers and, and stressing. I was just like, I'm gonna do the damn thing.

And I'm gonna see where this goes, but I know that this is what I was called to do.

Before I wrap up this episode, I thought it was important to leave you with a few words before I go. Um,  regardless of who you voted for, regardless of how you're feeling today, a couple of days after the election, I just want to encourage you to  Zoom out of what has been the focus the last.

Longer than the last few days, but, um, it's hard not to scroll social media, you know, the last few days without everything politics, specifically. But I want you to know that the world and the earth and your energy and your beliefs and your spirituality is much bigger than that.

I'm definitely not diminishing the presidency or, Our government or politics in general. I just want to encourage you to not get consumed in it. And I read this thing that somebody shared on Instagram, and as soon as I find,  who wrote it, I will give a credit where credit is due. Know that I did not write this, but I read it and it really hit home, not just for post election feelings, but also just for life.

And for Any difficult time that you're going through, most notably that came up for me, of course, was, infertility and motherhood. The hard times that come along with both of those things. So what I found says, I know there might be a ton of feelings circling today.  No matter where you stand, this is one of those moments in life where we are forced to accept that no matter how hard we try, we cannot control the outcome of things.

You can only control and will only ever be able to control how you show up and take care of yourself every single day.  I don't know who needs to hear this, but in case it's you, please take a second today where you need it. and breathe.  Step away from the noise.  Put your hands on your heart and give yourself some grace. 

If you need something else to focus on, try pouring your energy into all of the little ways you can make a difference in your life starting today, because there are so many.  You taking care of yourself makes a massive impact. And do not talk yourself out of that. Fear of the unknown fades over time, but the person you choose to become while navigating the uncertainty with self compassion and courage will stay with you forever.  The only way is through.  

And while the author of this post posted it with the intention of feeling surrounding the election,  I really read it and I think that holds so true for those of you who are sitting in a season of infertility. Take care of yourself. Focus on other things. Try pouring your energy into all the little ways you can make a difference in your own life . Your only goal is not to be a mom. Your only identity  You are multifaceted. You wear many hats. And you will not be consumed by just one thing. And I can speak from experience that the fear of the unknown will fade over time.

But who you choose to become, while navigating the uncertainty of whatever it is you're dealing with, if you handle that with self compassion and courage, that will stay with you forever.

 Thank you guys so much for listening to this  episode.  I just really wanted to get some of those main points. Out of my mind and out to you guys. This is not a very polished episode. Definitely doing this all on the fly, but thanks for listening. I hope you pulled something out of it that you can take with you through your day today.

And look forward to next week. Like I mentioned, I will have my best friend on, and it's going to be her sharing her story of motherhood so far. And her story includes things like, a mindset shift. Loss, miscarriage, life changes, her delivery, and postpartum, and just so many things that you can relate to.

So I can't wait to share that conversation with you all. I hope you have a great rest of your day. Thanks for tuning into this episode, and I will talk to you again next time. Bye for now.