Motherhood, Anxiety, and Alcohol-Free Living with Melissa

In this episode, Jacqueline welcomes on Melissa Tuleja, a working mom and advocate for an alcohol-free lifestyle. They discuss the concept of being 'sober curious,' especially within the context of motherhood and dealing with postpartum anxiety. Melissa shares her journey of quitting alcohol, the positive changes she experienced, and how the pandemic influenced her drinking habits. They also talk about the benefits of non-alcoholic beverages and mocktails as substitutes. This episode offers insights into making the shift away from alcohol, the support systems available, and the broader impacts on family and personal well-being.

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Melissa on Instagram: @melissa.mocktail

EPISODE BREAKDOWN:

01:41 Guest Introduction: Melissa's Alcohol-Free Lifestyle

05:14 Struggles with Postpartum Anxiety and Alcohol

10:56 Starting the Alcohol-Free Journey

13:47 Benefits of an Alcohol-Free Lifestyle

15:44 Exploring Mocktails and Building Community

21:27 Navigating Social Situations

26:40 Advice for Moms Who Are Sober Curious

28:05 Postpartum Experience Without Alcohol

31:38 Mocktails and Changing Social Norms

Transcript

 Hey friends, it's Jacqueline. I appreciate you hitting play on this episode today.  I'm guessing that the topic kind of sparked your interest. I don't know about you, but being sober curious is a term that has come up a lot in the media. Something I've been hearing a lot about and admittedly something I've been. Curious about, you know, living this non-alcoholic lifestyle, for a few different reasons. One, you know, health has been very top of mind for me. Wanting to be in shape and wanting to be  my best, healthiest version of myself. And I can only imagine, drinking less alcohol would help with that.

But also throughout my journey with infertility and motherhood, you know, my relationship with alcohol has come up a lot for me personally. It's been something that I've leaned on from time to time in moments of depression and anxiety and stress and. Just the unknown of all things, infertility and then motherhood,  for a lot of people, and you'll hear in this conversation, I think the pandemic was a big propeller of people indulging more in alcohol.

I know it was for me,  it was all roses at first to being home with  family and, and getting this unexpected, time to just be home and slow down.  But  we know how the story went as the months went on. Uh, the years went on.   The height of the pandemic was a very hard time for a lot of people, especially parents who had little ones at home. And I know that's when, turning to alcohol became a habit for me and my husband.  And it's something we've had to kind of pay attention to and check in with each other on,  the years since.

So I'm excited that you're here 'cause we're talking about this topic of living an alcohol free lifestyle. And you're gonna hear my conversation with Melissa, who is actually this sister of a friend of mine. I have kind of observed her lifestyle from afar and through her Instagram posts , but I'm very grateful to have been able to have her on the podcast and have this conversation with her and share it with you all today. So Melissa is a working mom and an alcohol free lifestyle and beverage enthusiast. She shares her finds and creations on her Instagram account, which she started when she decided to quit alcohol in 2023.

She enjoys connecting with other moms who find that alcohol only makes motherhood more difficult, and she likes to show that there are a lot of non-alcoholic options out there, and that life is still very fun without the booze. She has two little ones, ages three and one, and works remotely as a sales manager for a Swedish mining company.

I love the honesty of this conversation, and it's a topic that I don't think gets talked about enough. I love that it's not preachy, but it makes you think and makes you kind of just stop and pause and maybe question your relationship with alcohol. I know I found it very inspiring and I hope you do too. Take a listen. 

Hi Melissa. Welcome to the podcast. 

Hi, Jacqueline. Thank you so much for having me. 

Yeah, I'm so excited we are sitting down to have this conversation because I followed you on Instagram. And  I've kind of looked at your journey from afar as it relates to,  being non-alcoholic and just what that looks like and motherhood and everything. But I haven't heard your like, true full story behind it all. I've just kind of like been dabbling from afar and, I was really excited when we. booked this on the calendar because it's not only a topic that I'm personally interested in, but it's something I think is gonna resonate with a lot of moms out there. So,  before we dive in to the meat of this conversation,  tell me a little bit more about yourself. You know, what you do for work. Tell me about your family. Let's get to know you a little bit.

Sure. So I am first and foremost a mom to two littles. I have a little boy who's three and a 1-year-old little girl, and I live in Zionsville, Indiana with my husband and with our dog, Arthur. He's a giant wine. He's my third kid. Yes. Um, sometimes he's more needy than the other two.

 But yeah,  we've lived here since 2022.  And I used to work in Chicago  for a Swedish mining company, and I was in the office five days a week. And when Covid hit, we all went remote. And then my husband got this opportunity in Indianapolis and my company decided to allow me to continue to work remote. So luckily I'm still able to work  my full-time job just from home. 

That's awesome. Um,

Yeah, that was a huge blessing for our family to be able to just kind of. Move and keep the same job, not have to start from scratch. 

Yeah. And all the hours you get back by not having to like, go into an office and commute. And the flexibility. That's nice. 

Yes. Like if one of my kids is sick and needs to get picked up, I am home. I can just go sleep over and get them and then, you know, continue to work.  It's been really great. 

That's awesome.  And I can't believe your youngest is, you said just turned one.

Just turned one. March 3rd. 

March 3rd, okay. I knew it was recent. That's, that's wild. Time flies. We were talking about this before we hit record, but that first year, man, it just, it just flies. 

Yes.  Yes. And we'll get into it. The first year with my son was kind of what started my whole journey. But yeah, the first year with a newborn, it's all just, it goes by in a blink of an eye.

It really, it really does.  For more reasons than one. Obviously they're like growing and hitting all these milestones, but as a mom that first year, I mean, you're, you're transforming yourself as well. 

Yes. 

So let's get into it. Like, I really would love to get into kind of  what was pregnancy like for you postpartum. I mean, what did that look like and what led into your journey  of questioning your relationship with alcohol and what kind of propelled all of that? 

Yeah, so my pregnancy with Miles, my first, my son, he, it, it was, it was good. It was, you know, a little rough at times, just the normal morning sickness, tiredness, fatigue. But,  in general the pregnancy was fine. Delivery was pretty rough. And my postpartum period after his was pretty rough.  I. Feel like in general, I am an anxious person, but as soon as he was born, it sort of just went to the next level, like just very intense, intrusive thoughts, worrying constantly about his wellbeing, his safety, just thinking about all the, you know, horrible things that could happen.

And it, it was very, I wouldn't say debilitating, but it definitely, I. Was not normal. Yeah. And, I found that having these thoughts, if I would have a glass of wine for example, it would kind of just sort of slow down. Yeah. The, the racing of the thoughts would kind of just start to slow down. And, you know, previous to having kids, I would say that.

Alcohol was just a part of life. Yeah. It wasn't anything like, especially being from the Midwest, I feel like it's just a part of our culture. Yeah. We have  a celebration. We pop a bottle of champagne. We have a rough day at work, and we pours also a glass of wine to forget about it or someone's birthday. We go out for drinks and I never questioned it before it.  We do. And I, 

yeah, totally. I mean, and I feel like before even like going into motherhood, you know, you're, it's not problematic 'cause it's just, you're still going about your life and you're just like, oh, it's just part, part of it, like you said, and it really is in the Midwest, I feel like very centered in our culture.

I mean, I know myself, okay, it's first day of summer, like. Should we have beers outside? 'cause it's sunny and warm out finally, like, let's do that. Like, and for the most part it is  surrounded around, I'll say more like celebratory happy things. But that's easy to say, like, at least for me, like, you know, like in your twenties and stuff, when  we weren't dealing with a pandemic. You weren't a mom, you weren't having all these hormonal changes and emotions. It wasn't anything you thought about twice. I, I'm just saying that from my point of view, you know, it's, that's how I was. 

Yeah, exactly. I never really thought twice about it. And I remember after my son was born and was back at home, family was over. People were popping bottles of champagne 'cause it was a celebration and they poured me a glass. I had gone nine months obviously without drinking. Yeah. And never thought about it. And I remember that first sip. I was like, this is gross.  I haven't tasted champagne in a long time. And this is not delicious, like, I remember, but I just pushed through, you know, I'm like, well this is what we do.

Mm-hmm. We drink for, you know, celebrating something. So,  fast forward a little bit and we decided to move to Indianapolis and I was able to take my job with me, which was great, but because we had moved, I didn't have daycare for my son because you have to get on lists now. Oh yeah.  And moving to a new city. We got him on every single list, but  we had to wait. Yeah. So I was working from home,  taking care of a newborn.  Full-time jobs. Yeah, both are very much full-time jobs. So I was feeling very stressed to the limit. And then in the background I had this anxiety that was just, you know, constant. And so I was stressed, I was just stressed to the max and  I.

That nightly glass of wine would help kind of just Okay. Like I didn't really have a lot of time for myself, so once the baby was down, it was kind of like, all right, this is me time. 

Yeah. 

And it would quiet the thoughts. It would help me go to sleep, but then I. It just brought it back worse the next day.

Yeah. 

So alcohol kind of just compounds the anxiety. So sometimes I would wake up at 4:00 AM with the racing thoughts and yeah, I went to bed nice and calm. But then, you know, even if it was just one glass,  I. I would still feel the effects of it the next day with my mind racing. 

I totally get what you're saying though,  'cause I can relate to this and  I got into the same habits, like of  turning down the noise in my head with wine or a drink at the end of the day.  Those are definitely two very full-time jobs. I mean, you're working your full-time job and you're full-time momming, like that's a lot on one person. I mean, I, I. Work like part-time when I can, and then I'm home full-time with the kids and I have a hard time doing all of that. You know, it's, it's a lot on one person. I feel like me personally, I've gone in waves because, you know, the boys were older and then they went to school and I had that like, brain time, maybe I was working or you know, it's not like I was doing something fun for myself, but. I at least could  take a breath.

And so since having Lorelei this past year, it's so easy to just like slip back into these habits if you're not conscious about it. And so I'm really glad we're talking about this and I can understand what you're saying. 'cause for me it's always been like that glass of wine just kind of like turns down the worry in my brain for the moment, like you said, because it definitely just enhances things way worse.

Yeah. And if you are suffering from postpartum anxiety, which I'm pretty sure I was, it's sort of like putting a bandaid on a bullet hole. Like it's not really addressing the root of your anxiety, right. It's just kind of masking it for now. And there's deeper things that obviously you need to address and work on, that alcohol is not going to ever fix.

Yeah. It'll just sort of roll it, but it won't ever fix it. And so. When we moved and I was going through all that was kind of when I first started questioning it. Like, well, maybe this isn't helping me. And I started reading up on some things about how alcohol affects your sleep because my sleep was not good. I'd wake up in a panic and check the monitor.  

Yeah, 

I know most moms do. Mm-hmm. At least point in the newborn journey. But, uh, so yeah, I started to kind of think more about it and.  Do a little bit of research and I attempted a dry January the following year. So he was born in February. So when he was almost one, I did a dry January.

Okay. But I didn't go,  

so, and at this point, is he still home with you or like you're not in daycare yet, or how did that He's still home. Okay. So he didn't go to 

daycare until he was, we got into one daycare, but it was. They had just opened and they were understaffed. Okay. And I was going to come up like every day.

So we ended up leaving that daycare and then he finally started officially at his other daycare, I think when he was 15 months. Okay. 

Or 

16. 

Okay. But during dry January this attempt, you are still doing all the things?  

Yes. Yes. And I strongly encourage everyone to, to try a dry month. I don't recommend January though.

And that's everyone does. Yeah,  it's dark. It's. You're coming off the 

holidays, all that busyness of that season, like 

it's a lot. Yes, exactly. It's a lot. And I feel like at the holidays we all tend to overindulge a little bit, right? So I feel like that's a hard time to make that hard of a stop.

Mm-hmm. If you're going to go a whole month dry. So  for me, I didn't succeed in the dry January and that was fine because it was just like a little test. It was just dipping my toe in the water and I think I did like 15 days or something. Yeah. And I felt really good. But then some social event came up or something.

I don't even remember what it was, but I did not go through with the dry January. So then I kept thinking about it and it took until March 19th, 2020 was okay. When I finally was like, you know what? I'm actually gonna try and do this full steam ahead. And, um, I just went for it and it wasn't, I wasn't intending to give it up for good for the rest of my life.

Yeah. I don't even know if, if I've given it up for the rest of my life, but I. I knew that I needed to try to just go for a longer stretch just to really, see my life without it, and. Work on the anxiety and the mental issues I was dealing with without, you know, dulling it with, with alcohol. Just really sitting with the discomfort, sitting with the anxiety and working on it instead of just like having a glass of wine to kind of fix it for the moment.

Yeah, for sure. So what were some of the first things that came up that you realized improved when you stopped the alcohol? 

Yeah. And I did not intend, I intended to do a 30 day break. Yeah, that was my goal, but I started feeling so much better after the 30 days after like three weeks. The first two weeks were hard, I'm not gonna lie. Just 'cause it was a habit. It, it wasn't so much I was what I would call, and somebody else coined this phrase, and I apologize for not knowing who it was, but a gray area drinker. So, you know, I wasn't physically or mentally or emotionally dependent on alcohol.  I. I also wasn't someone that was like, it's not a part of my life.

I don't drink at all. You know? Right. It was in the middle there somewhere. 

That's relatable. Yeah, I've heard that as well and I think I can agree with that. 'cause it's like I physically don't need it, but  it has become such a habit where you're like,  I. Oh, this is really baked into like who I am right now and like my routines and everything.

And it's funny you said that the first two weeks were hard and then you know, you got to the month and you knew how much better you felt. I mean, don't they say it takes 21 days to form a habit? So at least like that part of it, you know, at least it's not a habitual thing anymore when you, when you've gone that extra, you know, you hit that month mark.

Yeah.  It's just breaking a habit is is not gonna be easy right off the bat, but then once you get into your groove, it becomes so much easier. And I started to feel the benefits right away. I was sleeping better, my anxiety wasn't gone. It's not gonna be a cure all, but it helped a lot to kind of just. ease my mind and work on breathing techniques and meditation and, and things besides just pouring a glass of wine. And also my skin kind of cleared up. you know, one of my friends was like, are you pregnant again? You're glowing.  Glowing. I was like, no. I stopped drinking. Yeah,  I, I'm not pregnant again. Yeah.  But yeah, so I felt the benefits right away. And one thing I will say is that the nightly habit of, you know, pouring the glass of wine, what worked for me was sort of just switching it out with a non-alcoholic beverage. So I discovered mocktails and non-alcoholic wines, which some of them aren't good and some of them are not. 

Right. Yeah. 

Also some adaptogenic drinks that have ashwagandha and all these other herbs and mushrooms that kind of give you a little bit of a stress relieving. Not even a buzz, but just like a good feeling.

Yeah. Without all. And so having that when my baby went down to sleep, like pouring myself a glass of that in a nice fancy glass and sitting down in front of the TV and having my time was like, okay, this is what I need. I just needed to switch what was in the glass.

Right, right, right. Like I habit and try to turn my mind off and relax. But I can just switch what I'm drinking to sort of ease myself into, into me time, into nighttime, and to signal that like, okay, he's down for the day. And it's time to relax. 

And I can only imagine that it feels then too, like you're not depriving yourself. You're not like taking something away and just trying to do this hard stop. You're still in the motion of like your original habit. But like you said, just changing what's in the glass, which isn't easy. Switch in theory   so when you started diving into mocktails, I mean, I've seen your Instagram, some of the things that you have shared, over the last couple years.

And I wish I would've known these things like when I was pregnant or these times that I've tried to dabble because I always just think like, oh, I'm so sick of drinking water, or like, I don't wanna drink this or that. And there are so many options out there now. And like you said, mushrooms and adaptogens and things that will make you feel good without all of the anxiety and all the  stuff that's not good for you. Yeah. And the alcohol. So, was that when you just kind of started experimenting more and diving into like mocktails.

Yeah. So when I did that dry January, that didn't really work. I ordered a, a case of this drink called Curious Elixirs. Okay. That was my very mocktail. And yeah, they had all the adaptogens that are supposed to make you feel relaxed, and they were great. They really helped out because  it was just switching what was in the glass and it, it was something that you did kind of feel the effects from.

And then the next day you still felt great. So. I that, that was my first mocktail, if you will. Yeah. And then I started the Instagram account shortly after I decided I'm gonna do this for real. It was also sort of an accountability buddy, so  having it as a separate account from my personal account, I was able to.

Follow just specifically, either, sober living accounts or inspirational accounts or stuff about anxiety and how to deal with it. So that was sort of my outlet for keeping myself engaged and accountable and finding community. Yeah, I actually have met so many people through that Instagram account  I'm in a couple Marco Polo groups and,  I have friends that. 

On a similar journey to me where it's like, you know, we didn't hit rock bottom. And there, you know, there's nothing wrong with that,  if you realize that alcohol is becoming a serious problem in your life, like, I definitely recommend anyone go get help if that's the case. But  we realize it just wasn't serving us anymore. It wasn't enhancing our experiences. It wasn't helping us in any way and it may have been hurting us if we suffer from anxiety or things like that. So finding other people who are just like, yeah, I'm just, just taking a break. I'm just not drinking anymore and these are, this is what I'm drinking instead. And they're still fun things and, delicious things you can drink when you decide to cut out alcohol from your life. 

Yeah. Community is so huge regardless of what you're going through.  That's what started me on this journey of motherhood intended, is just like reaching out to different people who were going through experiences that I was going through and realizing like, oh, they're doing this or they're okay. Or I can feel my feels and, and I'm not alone, and all of that. And so regardless of what you're going through, community is, is huge, especially for staying on that path that you wanna be on. And I hope listeners can understand that. Like you just mentioned, it's not that black and white, you know it, you don't have to have this addiction and hit rock bottom to wanna make a change in your life and feel better.

 So, with the mocktails and everything, did you have support in your personal life? Obviously you found support online and in different groups and through your Instagram. How did that affect your life, you know, in real life, whether it was with your spouse or your family and friends? What did that look like?

I feel like I was so nervous to tell people that I wasn't drinking anymore or that I was taking a break, or that I was just not drinking today. And I would build it up in my mind that, oh, I'm gonna have to tell so and so that we're going out to dinner, but I'm not gonna drink.

And it was always a non-issue. I always thought it was gonna be a bigger conversation than it was. Yeah. People were always just like, okay.  And I was like, wait, that's it. Okay, good. 

Yeah.  

But I had incredible support from my husband. He was so on board with me going on this journey and he actually did a dry January this past year.

Okay. 

Yeah, 

I was proud of him for that. He still drinks, but he's always been very supportive and he's noticed a change in, you know, my anxiety and just how I am and it's for the better. So he's continues to be supportive. I will say in the beginning it was a little tricky because he was my drinking buddy.

Right, right. Like when I was sitting on the couch pouring the glass of wine, he was having the other glass. Yeah. So, it made him drink a lot less. Mm-hmm. He drinks so much less at home because I, I'm not drinking with him. So in the beginning it was kind of like, okay, it was a change, but, you know, seeing the positive effects of it. He's been nothing but supportive and yeah, my friends have all been super supportive.

I went on a girls' trip, actually, I was two months into my alcohol free journey. Okay, if you will. And I was very nervous to go on this girls' trip because again, I was worried about like, are people gonna ask me a bunch of questions or am I gonna know how to answer these questions and am I gonna feel pressured?

And I brought a whole box full of mocktails and like, you know, non-alcoholic. Alcoholic stuff for me to drink. And I was like, okay, this box will get me through. Yeah. And it was a total, like I said, a non-issue. Everyone was like, oh, okay. And I had a blast. I still had so much fun on this girl's trip and I was not hurting the next day.

Like some of that were So  a hike in the morning, the best part.  Exactly. And they were all just so supportive and. Yeah, it was great. I actually have one friend that was on that girl's trip that also doesn't drink, so she was kind of my, my buddy. But yeah, it's been, it's been pretty amazing. And like I said, the way I build it up in my head always was worse than the actual conversation. Yeah. You know, like, oh, he's not drinking, and it's like, 

okay. Yeah. And I, I'm a pretty anxious person as well, and I think that's like anxiety in a nutshell. It's like worrying about the unknown and just kind of like sitting in that and realize, and like, until you realize, oh, it's fine, everything's fine.  But it is,  a valid,  fear or concern.  Especially as a woman in your like childbearing years, it's was always so annoying if I was doing a dry January or experimenting with not drinking or whatever it was, and. I would have people be like, oh my God, are you pregnant?

Are you pregnant? I'm like, oh my gosh, why is our culture like you? You can not want to drink and not be pregnant. And that always was  such a sore subject for me. 'cause I'm like, I would love to be pregnant right now. And, and I can't. And I'm just choosing not to drink in hopes of being healthier.

And hopefully that's, you know, my story. So there is a level of like, you have to be brave to kind of do something like this and just know that  you don't have to have answers for everybody and it's not that black and white. And I used to always think like, okay, if I decide to stop drinking, obviously it would be a transition, like you said, and replacing habits and things like that.

But then I'm like, well, you said this at the top of the show. I was like, I don't know. Have I given it up forever?  You don't have to have an answer. It's not like I'm choosing to be sober for life. Maybe in this season of my life in motherhood, it is not serving me. And maybe that will change one day and I can socially drink again or whatever.

So I hope listeners understand that, like, don't overthink it. Just do what feels good for you. Right now to better yourself. And  I know you have, but like for listeners, do your research on alcohol because all the studies, all the science is there, how, like you said, it affects your sleep, it amplifies anxiety, all the things, weight gain, I mean, and then it's this, like this whole hamster wheel that you're on, right?

You think you're pushing down your anxiety, and you're falling asleep, but then you're not getting good sleep and then you're tired and that makes you more anxious. And it's just this like.  So, I just encourage anyone to  reevaluate their relationship with something that might not be serving them anymore.

Right.  

It's funny that you mentioned, how you and your husband, like that was your drinking buddy. That's been the problem too with my, when my husband and I have tried dry January or whatever, you know, we we're in it together, but then  the first person who's like, I don't know, do you want a glass of wine?

Like, I'm like, well, if you're doing it, we're going down together. I guess we're doing it.  But flip that and, you know, doing it together to support or how supportive your husband is of you. That can be so helpful because when you're at home, then that's your person.

And I think he likes me better as a,  non drinker, to be honest. Yeah. Because  that first year when I was taking on all that, you know, childcare duty, full-time job. Just as women, as mothers, usually a lot of stuff just falls on us making the doctor's appointments, you know?

Yeah. 

You know, I don't have to go into the details of all things. All the things.  I think sometimes I would have a little bit of resentment that, oh, he just gets to go to work and come home and. I'm the one bearing the brunt of this. And so after a glass of wine or two, maybe I would bring it up, 

right, 

that I was happy that I was having some, you know, a little bit of resentment, but you know, now I am able. I've worked on it and. If I'm unhappy about something, I bring it up in the moment, right? Then I don't let it fester and wait until I've had a glass of wine. 'cause that's not the time ever to bring it up. It never goes. 

Well. No, but it, you're right. It is the time  when your emotions start coming out and you're like, you know what? I did have a day. You know why? And that's not a productive conversation ever.  Especially if your spouse is there drinking wine with you, you know, it doesn't go well and it can definitely.  Over time for sure. Start to put  a wedge in the marriage. It's fuel on the fire that doesn't need to be there when you can just have a conversation. Otherwise, but I'm glad you brought that up because I can only imagine a lot of people out there experience that too with their spouses. You know, you think that you are. Calming down the day and relaxing together, but really things start to bubble up that's been bothering you. And instead of maybe sitting there and watching the show, drinking that wine, you could have had a conversation. 

It's important to just address things when they're happening instead of waiting and then getting the courage after a glass of wine to bring it up.

Right. You know? 

Yeah, for sure.   What kind of advice would you give moms who might be sober curious?

I would say, stay curious and just keep leaning into it and exploring it. Try a 30 day break. It doesn't have to be forever. And like I said, I don't know if I am, if I've given up drinking forever, I just know that I'm not drinking right now this time of my life. It's just, it's not serving me and I'm a much happier and healthier person without it.

But you know, if it's still serving you, by all means enjoy. But if you're curious and you wanna. Maybe test the waters. Just go for 30 days and see how you feel. See how your sleep reacts,  how your skin, how your energy levels. I feel like my energy levels really improved as well. And my patience with my, children, well, with my, at the time I just had one, but with my toddler really improved because.

I wasn't tired or, you know, I did get a good night's sleep the night before, and you'll start to see the benefits right away. And yeah, I just highly recommend it. And don't feel like you have to prove anything to anyone other than yourself, or that you owe an excuse to anybody other than yourself. If it feels good, then to you, that's all that matters. And who cares? Honestly, who cares what anybody else thinks? Yeah, 

exactly. I, that's perfect. I love that  and I, I actually wanted to ask you,  so we talked about, you know, your toddler and then you went on to have your daughter. What did that experience look like going through postpartum that time? And were you,  drinking alcohol at that point or No? 

No. So after I stopped drinking in March of 2023. So yeah, I just celebrated my two year, 

yes, two years. Congrats. That's awesome 

anniversary if you'll, yeah. So then I didn't go back to drinking and I, uh, got pregnant with my daughter and. Had the whole postpartum one year experience without alcohol with her, and it was a notable difference. Yeah,  I, my anxiety was still there because postpartum anxiety is just a thing that happens to some people, and it was still there, but the intensity of it wasn't as strong and I was able to manage it a little bit better the second time around.

Also, I think, you know, second kid, you're, you're a little more seasoned. Yeah. For.  A little bit more and are a little bit more at ease  with being a mom. Right. So I think it was a combination of the fact that, yeah,  I never went back to. Drinking. I just used the tools for managing my postpartum anxiety that I learned instead of pouring a glass. Yeah. And it was a much better experience.

I think also she went into daycare. Yeah. So I wasn't 

also helpful,  

but she actually didn't go to daycare until.  January of this year. So she was home. Oh yeah. I had three months maternity leave. My husband got four months paternity leave. Wow, that's awesome. Took them staggered with me, so I had three months home with her. Then he had four months with her, and then we sort of. Made it work until January. Yeah. So, but not drinking and not having the extreme anxiety. It was a much more enjoyable experience than the first time around 

for sure. And like you said, it's not going to erase everything, but it's definitely not going to fuel the fire. And it allows space to learn about these other tools because  like you mentioned earlier it helps with your patience as well.  That's a huge one because  I know every mom can relate to this,  people call it like the witching hour, you know, between like five and seven or whatever the end of the day before bed,  is usually a difficult time because you're coming home from work, you're tired, the kids are tired.

You're just trying to like get it all done. And that's typically the time I know for myself where I might pour a glass of wine while I'm making dinner or I'll sit down right after and like that's the time when my kids need my patience. Most.  So I'm, I'm glad that you brought that up because I'm sure a lot of people can relate  I mean, there's no way  the alcohol , is making you a more patient person. If anything, you have a shorter fuse. 

But that's so awesome to hear that second time around postpartum, you were aware and you had space to realize like, okay, you know, I am feeling anxiety. But now I have these tools in my back pocket to do things differently. That's pretty great. Yeah. Well, Melissa, this has been such an enlightening conversation. It's something that I'm curious about and  I feel so validated now, like talking to you and just  you don't need excuses. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't need to figure it all out. Just if you're curious, get in there. And Just taking a break at least allows you to reevaluate your relationship with alcohol, whether it's, you know, something you decide to move forward with after that month or not. At least now you know the differences and what that looks like, and I.  You can stop drinking. Or maybe  it was harder for you than you thought. You know, it's, I think it's just like a very eye-opening experience. 

And like I said before, don't do it for anyone other than yourself and just if it feels good, then just keep rolling with it. My 30 days turned into two years, so 

Yeah, 

you never know what could happen and.  You don't need to overexplain or just saying No thank you. When someone offers you a drink is a whole sentence. So, 

yeah, and I mean, I'm sure you've noticed this even in the, the last two years of your journey, but mocktails are all the rage right now. As a whole, more people are experimenting with different ways to relax as opposed to alcohol. And I think, society is realizing how unhealthy, you know,  problem drinking can be.

So that's. That's gotta be helpful too. It's not like 10 years ago when  you had an O'Douls and that was like your, your option. Um, there's so many amazing things out there that you can replace with alcohol. So that's, that helps. I think Covid,  

I think covid, a lot of people upped their drinking during covid. I mean, if you look at just at sales Yes. Of wine and beer. During covid, they really skyrocketed. And so I think people kind of after Covid are. Are like, whoa, okay, maybe I overdid it during covid or developed habits that I didn't have before and are really starting to reevaluate it. And  even from when I started my alcohol free journey in 2023 to today, I noticed so many more menus have non-alcoholic mocktails or just more options besides just. 

LaCroix or Diet Coke. You know, there's so many more things out there. I love LaCroix and Diet Coke, first of all. Yeah. But 

I was like also good options. 

So many more things out there. And it's sometimes nice when you're out to dinner, a nice dinner to have the bartender just make you something in a nice glass.

Yeah. It just makes me fancy. When I go to weddings and it's the happy hour, I usually order a ginger ale in a champagne glass. Oh, there you go. 'cause that I'm still feeling fancy and not again, I don't care if anyone wants to talk about my. Are you drinking? Or what are you drinking? Yeah. I'm having no problem having that conversation now that I'm two years in, but it's also just kind of like, nobody really questions it because Oh, it looks like champagne  

and just like you said, just in that glass, like feeling fancy, like that's part of  these,  traditions and habits that we've all built into our lives. Like you're celebrating with the champagne glass. So I love that. Mm-hmm. I love that you'll just order it in that glass because that's still part of the celebration and you're just kind of proving that it's not actually what's in the glass. These are just what we've done for so long in, in these social situations. So it's just  part of the tradition.  

Exactly. 

Well, this has been awesome. Thank you so much for being open about your journey and for sharing. I can only hope it will help other moms who are curious and in this situation themselves. Postpartum anxiety is very real. I didn't even know what that was. Looking back, I guarantee I had it as well. It's a very real thing. So if you're struggling with that, feel free to reach out to me or I'm sure you would be happy to,  touch base with anyone just based on your own experiences.

And I'm gonna share your Instagram handle in the show notes too, because I just, I love the stuff you've been sharing on there with your mocktails and that way anyone who is looking to get more curious, they can see all the delicious things that you've been drinking and sharing.

Excellent. Well, thank you for having me. 

Yes. Thank you again for joining me. 

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I hope you found value in it. I know I did. My biggest takeaway from my conversation with Melissa was that I. Being sober curious, or living an alcohol free life doesn't have to be so black and white. I personally put so much pressure on myself with my relationship with alcohol, meaning, well, really just anything. I always feel like I have to be either all in or all out. And for me, that hasn't been sustainable. Like Melissa mentioned, I've also tried to do a dry January and things like that

and it hasn't worked out. And then I feel really crappy about myself and then I wanna start over and all these things. It doesn't have to be that black and white. Some ideas if you're are curious about living a more sober lifestyle, you can take one week and have drinks and the next week take off, or, my husband and I have done this before where we don't have any alcohol Sunday through Thursday. I.  Start by like limiting your drinks or even in the moment. Melissa mentioned this to me after we stopped recording.  I think she said it's called zebra striping. But basically say you're out with friends, you have an alcoholic drink, and then you have either a mocktail or a water in between and you kind of just switch off like that. It's really just to limit your intake of alcohol.

You'll feel much better the next day. Also, it kind of takes the pressure off of doing like a dry January or something like that. Now, by all means, if you are the kind of person who's like, you know what, if I'm doing it, I'm doing it. Jump right in. Jump right in.

Like she said, maybe not January. 'cause that there's a lot of pressure on January starting the year and everyone's doing it. Like take a different month and just see how you do. For me, hearing Melissa's take on her experience, with kind of reevaluating her relationship with alcohol,  that's just it.

That's, to me that was the most important part, take that time to really reevaluate your relationship with alcohol and check in with yourself. Is it serving you in this season of life? Is it. Covering up or masking something deeper that you really need to dive into.

As mothers, we always have a lot on our plate. And if you've become a mom  after struggling with infertility,  there's a lot of emotions wrapped up in this, and I know myself over the years, I have used alcohol as a crutch through one thing or another. Whether it was depression, anxiety, stress,  the pandemic was a big one for a lot of people, which was mentioned in our conversation. My husband and I, definitely leaned on alcohol more than usual in the pandemic, and over the last five years, we've really had to do check-ins with our habits and see, you know. Is this still serving us in this season of life? 

So I really encourage you to use Melissa's advice and take her story as just one example of how you can start to better your health, better your life,  and just use her story as one example of a mom who knew that something wasn't quite right and that alcohol wasn't serving her. Postpartum anxiety is very real. I know I had it, I did not know that I had it. I did not know postpartum anxiety was a thing. When I was pregnant with Hunter, you know, seven years ago, I Knew about postpartum depression. I remember being screened for that six weeks after having him, which. Was still comical to me personally because I was like, well, he was born at 24 weeks. It was all very traumatic, and he is currently in the nicu, so am I depressed? Probably.  But more so looking back, uh, the anxiety that filled me, especially when bringing him home. At times  it was all consuming. 

So I'm just so proud of Melissa congratulations again to her on being two years alcohol free. I found it so inspiring, and I hope you did too. If you have any questions or if you are sober, curious yourself, definitely feel free to reach out to Melissa Be sure to follow her Instagram account at Melissa dot Mocktail.  Honestly, with the mocktails that she posts alone, I was like, okay, this just looks way more delicious than even indulging in alcoholic beverages because these mocktails are so great. So, follow along so many options to have fun without alcohol, and enjoy yourself and relax at the end of the day. 

Okay. If you haven't yet, be sure to tap that follow button on the podcast so you don't miss a new episode . I'm super excited. Next week I'm welcoming on Cynthia Scott to the podcast. She is a pediatric registered dietician and international board certified lactation consultant with over seven years of experience. As the founder of the baby dietician, she specializes in guiding parents of children age zero to five to establish healthy eating patterns from the start.

Plus, I'm sure you've heard of this book , but Cynthia is the co-author of 101 Before One Starting Solids, and she created the Starting Solids 1 0 1 program, which offers personalized support for optimal early nutrition. Very excited about this topic. As you know, my daughter is. Like 11 and a half months old, and we have been in the baby led feeding stage for the last, you know, six months or so, and it's a whole new world for me. I did not do this approach with the boys mostly just because I didn't have the education around it and I did not know about it. So baby led weaning has been a first for me and I'm so excited to dive in further with her on this topic. And I hope you are too. 

That's all I have for you today. If you enjoy this episode, be sure to hit the fifth star. Leave a review, share the episode with a friend. I appreciate it. And if you aren't in there yet, be sure to join me in the Motherhood Intended Community Group on Facebook. It's a great place to connect with other like-minded women. Stay up to date with the podcast there are going to be some amazing updates and changes to motherhood intended in general, so be sure to follow along in there so you're the first to know what's going on. I also wanted to mention before the month ends that March was Surrogacy Awareness Month, and I just wanted to remind everyone that I am an open book, so if you have any questions about surrogacy, maybe you're considering working with a surrogate to grow your family, or even if you're considering being a surrogate yourself, feel free to reach out with any questions.

I know a lot about this topic and I love educating others about gestational surrogacy, and all that entails. I hope you have a fabulous weekend, and I will talk to you again next week.