Navigating Screen Time: Parenting in a Digital World

In this episode, Jacqueline delves into the challenges and strategies of managing screen time for children. She shares her personal experiences navigating screen usage for her three kids, especially during the pandemic. Jacqueline discusses the guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics and her practical approach, such as using a screen time token system and visual timers. She highlights the importance of high-quality content, engaging alternatives to screens, and leading by example. Jacqueline also touches on the complexities of content control and communication with children about their screen time habits. She concludes by emphasizing flexibility and open dialogue as key components of managing screen time effectively.

Products mentioned in the episode:

• Screen Time Tokens: https://amzn.to/4iewmSB
• Visual Timer for Kids: https://amzn.to/42GFnzi

*Amazon affiliate. Earns commission on purchases.

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EPISODE BREAKDOWN:

01:00 Personal Experience with Screen Time

02:34 AAP Guidelines for Screen Time

04:16 Challenges and Strategies for Managing Screen Time

04:43 Screen Time Token System

11:00 Parental Controls and Content Management

11:59 Screen Time for Younger Children

15:00 Final Thoughts and Advice

Transcript

Hey, it's Jacqueline. Thanks for taking time to hit play on this episode today. If you have children and have struggled with screen time, managing screen, time setting limits, knowing what's best for your kids, then you're gonna wanna listen to this episode. And honestly, if you don't have kids yet, this. Probably is most definitely not even on your mind.  I can honestly say that when I was dreaming of having a family and being a mom and just going through all those years of infertility, I never stopped to think about like, Hmm, what am I gonna do about screen time?

Am I gonna let my kids watch tv? Are they gonna have tablets? Am I gonna give them their phones?  No, did not cross my mind. But it is a reality.  We live in a digital media driven world, and screens are very much a reality when it comes to parenting. So even if you aren't a mom yet, listen up. It'll get you thinking. At least you could be a little bit prepared for when that day comes and you are parenting the child you always wish for.

So I'm gonna start by saying that my experience with screen time and our children did not go to plan as most things didn't. , let's see. It started off well,  Hunter being our oldest, you know, I was very conscious of it. I was like, he does not need a screen. He does not need a screen. And then Covid hit. And, it hit right after his first birthday. And I was like, no, but like, what do we do all day?  So we started dabbling, we got the dancing fruit, and then we turned to Disney Junior and he is watching like puppy dog pals. And then obviously during Covid he's doing like music classes on Zoom and, you know, all these different things.

And before you know it, by the time he's off to preschool, screens was just part of his life.  And by default, my son, Noah, same thing. I mean, he pretty much was introduced to a screen right away. Not necessarily purposely, but if Hunter was enjoying a show or watching a video, chances are Noah was nearby.

 So yeah. 20 20, 20 21. Those, those years were really hard.  And my kids had more screen time than I would've liked now. I definitely tried to make good choices on what they were watching, which honestly did not become hard until recently. You know, my boys are seven and five and they are all about YouTube kids, especially our 7-year-old. He's like talking about Minecraft and Roblox and  and Nintendo and like whatever.

Anyone at school is talking about, you know, and these kids probably have even older siblings. They are just all about these things constantly. And it's driving my husband and I insane.  So first I'm gonna tell you some of the guidelines that the a a P suggests, and then I'll kind of tell you where I'm at with my kids and what screen time looks like  for us for a seven, five, and 1-year-old.

So right off the bat, the American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend screen time for those children under two years old. And then for children ages two to five, they want you to limit screen time to one hour or less per day. Focusing on like obviously high quality programs and having your kids co view with you. So if you're watching something together, and then they still want you to keep it to an hour or less a day. Now, this has been challenging ever since last year when Hunter went off to kindergarten, full day and Noah is home from school, depending on the day.

He's home at like one 15 or two 15 during the day with no school on Fridays. And so there is a good, you know,  two to three hours in between. When he gets off school and when Hunter gets off school. And for the most part, we used to use that time to do activities, he'd run errands with me,  go to the library.

But now, you know, we have Lorelei and oftentimes she's napping during that time. That's her afternoon nap. And so we find ourselves at home a lot more. And also he's tired. He's tired from school. And so it's hard to find a good balance of like, let's fill this time. And a lot of the times too, if Lorelei is napping, that's my time to work.

So it's been a struggle. And Noah's five and so technically he should be having an hour or less of screen time per day. So we do try to aim for that. And the age group of five to seven, while the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn't actually specify a limit for this age group, they still emphasize like limiting screen time and then promoting a balance of activities. We've tried different things when it comes to screens. My boys are always asking for them.

Especially like this winter. That's when it gets hard, right? I mean, for the most part, they are still eager to get outside when it's beautiful out. They like playing outside with our neighbors, playing basketball, riding bikes, playing in the backyard, but, winter and now it's like raining half the time they wanna come home and play video games or watch something on their tablet.

So what we've started recently that has been working really well and I saw a version of this on Instagram. Which basically they both have a clear mason jar with their names on it. And I bought these like screen time tokens off of Amazon.

I'll link them in the show notes, but you know, they have every increment from like five minutes up to 60 minutes. and I created in Canva and I'm happy to share this with anyone. Just send me a DM and I'll send you the chart that I created for this.

But basically it's like a chart that has, pictures and words because my little guy isn't quite reading yet. Everything from, making your bed, brushing your teeth, homework or worksheets. 'cause Noah doesn't get homework in preschool. But he can ask for, worksheets to work on or he can color,  reading or looking at books, helping out with a chore.

Picking up their room, cleaning up their basement, which is their playroom. And I think that's it. I think there was, maybe I could be missing some. There's somewhere between like eight to 10 items on this chart and they're each given a value. Now I stuck to either five minute items or 10 minute items.

And so as they complete these tasks, then they will get minutes in their jar. Now if they are being disrespectful, I can take minutes out of the jar. So it's really been helping them be more responsible and give them the extra motivation to earn their screen time. Because we've tried before, just being like, you get an hour of screen time, are you using your hour now after school?

Is that what you wanna do?  But like. Then out of convenience, you know, like I'd start making dinner and they'd be really annoying. I'm like, fine, like 10 more minutes or whatever, you know? Now they know that they're in control. They're in control. I also bought this little timer that I'll link I got at on Amazon too.

It's a very great visual timer,  to set for how many minutes they have. So there's no surprises when I tell them, okay, like, screen time's up or You've got five more minutes. 'cause you know, without that visualization, that truly doesn't always mean anything to a five or 7-year-old. So. It's been working pretty well.

You know, some of these things are just things we expect of them, right? It, they're not hard, but oftentimes we'll get some dragging of the feet, you know, when it comes to brushing your teeth at night before bed or putting their clothes in the  hamper, things like that. So now, I, I kid you, not this morning.

Now I don't love that they're getting up early, but  this morning, they were like jonesing to earn screen time because they wanted to play Nintendo Switch after school. And so they were up at six 40, which normally they get up at like 7 15, 7 30.  They got up, they got dressed on their own, they brushed their teeth, they made their beds, and they did 10 minutes of reading and then they went downstairs because   Lorelei didn't even get up till seven 30.

I was  doing emails on my phone.  Then they went downstairs and even made themselves breakfast, so.  I gave them an extra five minutes token for making their breakfast. 'cause that's definitely not expected of them. There are times when, like I'm solo parenting when Josh is out of town and I do need like hunter's help or whatever.

I'm like, oh, can you pop this in the toaster or can you set the table? Things like that.  But I don't expect them to get up and make their own breakfast every day. Anyway, it was nice that they just took initiative and were very focused on like, okay, I'm gonna get my stuff done, so I'm ready for school and I can earn  screen time.

And so then, I mean, I think all of that equaled like 25 minutes of screen time before their day even started. And then they had some leftover from before, so that way after school they had about 45 minutes that they've earned.  Although. My younger son, Noah, did lose five minutes for being disrespectful this morning.

So it's, it's important to stick to that as well. Otherwise it really holds no weight. Right. But I wanted to share that idea because it's been working really well for us. And it's funny, I will say be prepared because if you have multiple children. Even though the rules are the same,  it could be their ages, but I also think it's really just their personalities. They're going to use this differently. So Noah, my 5-year-old, will get home from school. He will be like, okay, how many, how many minutes do I have?  You have 25. He's like, okay, I'm gonna use 20 right now.

And then he will watch a show for 20 minutes and then he'll be like, uh, mom, do you have a chore? I can do? And he'll do like 10 minutes at a time. And I'm like, and then he is driving me insane, asking how he can earn more minutes.  And I'm like, okay. New rule. You cannot cash in your minutes until you at least have.

20 minutes, because before he'd be like, all right, can I, I'm gonna get 10 more minutes, I'll do one more chore and then I'll go back to this. He'd like literally put the TV on pause and I'm like, oh my goodness, this is driving me insane. So the new rule is you have to have at least 20 minutes to cash in.

But yeah, that's how he handles it. I, I'm slowly getting him to, I've been doing other things with him after school in order to like, push off his screen time, especially by reminding him like, okay, but when Hunter gets home, if he wants to play Nintendo, you don't have any screen time left. And it took him a little while to figure that out.

He's getting the hang of it. And Hunter will try and earn the full, like a full hour of screen time before he even uses any of it.  And I mean, it could be his age too, but also he's very like type A so it's just interesting to see how it's all worked out. But I do cap it at, I don't think they've ever had actually more than 60 minutes at a time just because of earning it and using it, but I mean, I still kind of cap them at around an hour, like during the week, there's just not even enough time for screens. You know, by the time they get home and they have an activity and dinner and showers and reading and like all that stuff, the length of time they spend on a screen during the week isn't really the issue.

It was more just like no one's on the same page. And I was constantly being asked if they could do a screen, when really I'm like, can you walk in the door and like, tell me at least one thing about your day. Can you relax, like get a snack? Because what was happening too is Hunter would walk in the door from school.

Go right to like playing a game or like turning on the TV and then not even get a snack or anything. And then five o'clock as I'm about to put dinner on the table, he's like wanting to eat all the things and ruining his dinner. So it's a balance. but that's what's been working for us with the boys.

We've been doing it for, I'd say about a month now,  it's going really well on the weekends. We're a little more flexible with like how much time they spend on screens. Also things like, you know, if it's a weekend and all of us as a family are like playing Mario Kart together,  I don't count that as their screen time.

You know, we're doing something together as a family that's a little bit different. Or if we're all watching, some sort of movie together that's, that doesn't count as screen time for us. It's more just like I was getting sick and tired of them. Wanting to just get on their tablets and kind of zone out into whatever game or video that they were watching.

Which brings me to a whole nother set of struggles we have as parents, which is the content, right? Teaching ourselves how to utilize parental control features on different devices and apps and, managing screens that way. That one I will say I still struggle with. My husband and I were just talking about this, we need to dive in more to things like learning about Roblox and Minecraft and things that our child wants to be involved with because other kids at school are and  for the longest time now, we've just said.

No, like you're not. 'cause we just hear things about it, right? We hear like it's not appropriate. There's like chats and things, but even doing a little deep dive, I mean, there are different modes to play in a creative mode versus a battle mode. And they, there are parental controls. You can have it to not be online, you can be offline.

Like, there's just things that we need to dive into more. Truthfully, to be fair about it. And just give him reasoning. And if we choose not to have him play it still, then at least have reasoning behind it. So that's what we're working with  on now. So I'll circle back on that.

And honestly, when it comes to Lorelei and screens, again, she's gonna be one next week, which, oh my gosh, I can't believe it. The only thing I ever let her watch is, which again, as a reminder, the American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend screens for children under two years old.

Well,  that's funny. I mean, I'm just gonna say like, that's a good goal. Um, but I'm, I don't know about you if you have a toddler or a baby even, like, I could just be checking something on my phone and she is. Looking for it. She, I think she learned to crawl because of the phone. You know, like she sees the screen and she's like, after it,  it's hard to keep them off of screens, especially when you have multiple kids and like, she's the youngest.

So there's always some sort of something going on with a screen. You know, my husband and I both work from home and we don't work typical schedules, so like our laptops are out, at various times throughout the day.  We have a little TV in the playroom. I've also given her my phone for this at Desperate Times, specifically out at a restaurant when we're just trying to peacefully have one meal outside of the house. Normally she's pretty good. But there's been a couple times where I'm like, you know what? I don't have any shame. I'm going to give my almost 1-year-old a phone right now.

But I let her watch Miss Rachel. Which my mom actually brought this up, which I thought was a good point 'cause I was feeling kind of bad about it.  I love Miss Rachel, but I was just feeling guilty about, you know, letting her watch a phone or whatever.  And the a a p guidelines state that, you know, video chatting with family or friends, 

is acceptable. Now, I would argue that when Miss Rachel is on my phone, it kind of is like FaceTiming a friend. You know, she talks directly to the child listening. She's teaching them how to say words, and I just love Miss Rachel. I think Lorelei has learned so much from her, and Miss Rachel has taught me how to speak

to my baby and toddler. So I just think that's great. So she's allowed to watch that. And then, um, sometimes in the background for music, I will put on the Hey Bear sensory videos for babies.  It's like music with like either black and white images across the screen or like colorful ones.

 But those are the only two things that I've allowed at this point. But yeah, we'll see. It'll probably be easier for me with her going forward now that, you know, we're not locked down in a pandemic and come the fall. You know, both her brothers are going to be in school all day and so, yeah, we'll see how it goes, but that's where I'm at with my kids.

I just never, in my wildest dreams thought that. This would be such a stressor in my parenting. Like I just didn't think about technology carrying such a burden. And it makes me nervous going forward because social media scares me. , cell phones scare me. I, I'm very prepared to be, you know, an unpopular parent by not giving my kids phones.

Like, I truly don't care. Especially with Hunter and his autism, you know, he doesn't always pick up on certain social cues right away, and he is a little more vulnerable when it comes to, communications and relationships and I that's a whole scary world out there having access to so many people.

So that is definitely a hard no for me, but I know it's something that's gonna be difficult as my kids get older. So that's kinda what I'm doing, but,  just wanted to touch on some strategies for managing screen time with your kids. Definitely set clear rules and expectations. If you establish consistent rules and expectations regarding screen time. Make sure to include like when and for how long screens can be used.

So I will say that like our system has worked with that. They know it's very clear that they have to do. X, Y, and Z before they can use screen time. They have a visual timer so they know how long it can be used. And so that's really helped them a lot. And then make sure you're choosing high quality content. So when in doubt opt for educational and age appropriate programs and apps, and even consider co-viewing with your child to discuss what they're watching. There has been times where I'd go back and be like, I don't.

Like this show, I thought it was fine. It seems so kid friendly. And then I'm like watching an episode with them and I'm like, oh my gosh, this, I don't like it. Like it says Y seven or whatever it says, but I'm still not loving it for my 7-year-old Pokemon. They went through a phase with that. Did, didn't love it.

I don't, I didn't love it that much. Uh, bluey, both my boys like Bluey and I could watch Bluey all day. Like that is a solid show. Things like that. Just keep an eye on the content. It's also helpful to create screen free zones and times, so like designate certain areas of the house or times of the day that are screen free.

So like for us, like there's no screens before bed, and then no screens during meals of course. And then a big one too, which is. What I've been working with Noah on a lot is offering engaging alternatives to screens. So encouraging active play outdoor activities, reading, other creative pursuits to provide alternatives to screen time.

So while this chart that I have, it does have things like  helping with a chore or making your bed or putting clothes in the hamper, things like that. It also has things like. Doing a worksheet coloring, looking at books like just ideas. And sometimes there'll be things that aren't on there. And I'll be like, you know what? You can earn 10 minutes of screen time if, why don't you go play with your Legos for a little while and then you can earn some screen time. And it's really all just about like teaching them that they can do other activities so they're not automatically defaulting to these screens, which has been our issue of getting out of that habit, post pandemic.

And then of course this one is one that I get slipped up on too, is just lead by example, right? Model healthy screen habits by limiting your own screen time and engaging in other activities with your children. There are times when I, especially when my husband's out of town and I am like fitting in work.

Whenever I can that I am guilty of this, you know, I'll be on my phone and I know what I'm doing. I know I'm working on social media content or answering emails, but all my kids see is like me scrolling, like looking like I'm on my phone. So to them they're not really understanding like, well, mom's always on a screen, so why, why?

You know, it's important to kind of set a good example and try and disengage from a screen when necessary and set those, work times and scrolling times aside, preferably not when you're with your kids.

And then, of course, like I mentioned, using these features on devices and apps, just to like monitor and manage screen time can be really helpful. There is a little bit of a learning curve, at least for me, whether it's a tablet or a specific app or the tv, like they all have their own way of managing things and they all have different settings, but I, I tell you, it's worth taking the time to figure it out and get those things in place for your own peace of mind and their safety.

And then lastly, my biggest piece of advice when it comes to screen time and your children would just be to communicate and be flexible, right? Like, talk to your child about screen time and be open to adjusting rules and expectations as they grow. I try to keep a hard and fast rule of like just this willy-nilly, like you get an hour of screen time, like stop asking me.

You get an hour of screen time and that just like didn't. Work. It didn't work. Especially, I mean, hunter at seven, you know, he's at the tail end of first grade. He has a personality, he has interests of his own. He knows how to use technology really well, half the time more than I do. And so just being open and honest and like communicating with him about why screen time is limited or why he can't watch certain videos or play certain games has been really helpful.

And now he'll come up to me and be like, 'cause we used to just say no to YouTube all the time. Like, no YouTube. No YouTube. Now he'll come up to me and we have a conversation, you know, I'm like, what do you wanna watch on YouTube? And sometimes he'll be like, I wanna watch this National Geographic video about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And other times he's like. I wanna watch this Minecraft video and it's about other people building a world. And I'm like, okay, let me see it. And if it's like a creator mode situation and I can hear some of the kids talking and I can kind of preview it with them, then it's like, fine. Because other times I, if I just say, yes, you can do YouTube kids.

Even though I have those like parental controls set, I swear there are still videos that I don't think are appropriate. You know, they might not be swearing or anything, but like the words they're using and language and the way they're talking to each other in this game, like I just don't appreciate. So at the end of the day, yes, there's parental controls, but communicate with your child. Be flexible and use your best judgment.

You don't have to explain anything to anybody else. Whatever you feel comfortable with is what you should allow your kids to do.  So I just had to come on and share this with you guys today because it's been top of mind for me. And this system of the coins with times and earning minutes and the visual chart and timer has been super helpful.

So like I said, everything will be linked in the show notes. Feel free to reach out to me and I can send you, the PDF of what I created. I just had it printed and laminated so it's, honestly it floats around our house 'cause one of the boys will take it and try and figure out what they're gonna do and then I'll leave it in another room.

But it's been really helpful. So wanted to pass that along. Thanks for taking time to tune in today. I have a lot of exciting episodes coming up. I'm going to be talking to a single mom about her journey from corporate to being an entrepreneur. We're gonna be talking about tech and parenting, more discussions on the fourth trimester, baby bonding.

Then we also have an episode down the road about creating your own personal vision for motherhood. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. Hit the fifth star, leave a review. You know the drill. Join us in the Motherhood Intended Community Group on Facebook if you haven't yet. And you can follow me along on Instagram at motherhood intended. Check the show notes before you click outta your podcast app. Everything good is in there. I hope you have a great rest of your week, and I will talk to you again next time. Bye for now.