From Egg Freezing to Motherhood: A Full-Circle IVF Story (Single Mom by Choice)

This episode marks a powerful full-circle moment on Motherhood Intended.

Three years ago, Alison joined the podcast to share her decision to freeze her eggs in an episode titled “Egg Preservation: A Story of 10 Maybe Babies.” At the time, she was preserving her fertility and creating options for her future — without knowing exactly where the journey would lead.

Today, Alison is back to share what happened next.

In this Season 7 premiere, Jacqueline and Alison reflect on the path from egg freezing to single motherhood by choice, including:

• deciding to pursue motherhood on her own
• choosing a sperm donor
• pursuing IVF
• navigating pregnancy after infertility decisions
• and welcoming her now almost six-month-old son

This honest conversation explores both the emotional and practical sides of fertility preservation — from the uncertainty of freezing eggs to the realities of IVF, pregnancy, and early motherhood. Alison shares what surprised her most, what she wishes she had known earlier, and how she defines success now, looking back on the journey.

This episode is for anyone who:

• is considering freezing their eggs
• is navigating fertility timelines or delayed parenting
• is exploring single motherhood by choice
• or is wondering how today’s fertility decisions can shape tomorrow’s possibilities

It’s a story about options, agency, patience — and what can unfold when you give yourself time.

Stay Connected

Jacqueline will be hosting both in-person and virtual meet-ups in the coming months and sharing updates about Your Fertility Village!
To stay in the loop, join her email list here: https://motherhoodintended.kit.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Season Seven Kickoff And Full-Circle Setup
• 2:52 Why She Froze Her Eggs And What Changed
• 7:55 Choosing Single Motherhood And Facing Fears
• 13:05 Sperm Donor Selection And Bank Logistics
• 19:55 IUI Attempts, Costs, And Moving To IVF
• 24:55 Retrieval, Embryo Numbers, And Testing
• 30:20 Transfer Timing And The Two-Week Wait
• 35:50 Work, Support Systems, And Boundaries
• 40:00 Pregnancy Highs, Lows, And Finding Out Sex
• 45:55 Induction, Long Labor, And C-Section
• 52:10 Postpartum Blood Pressure Scares
• 55:50 Newborn Days, Growth, And Perspective
• 1:00:20 Advice On Egg Freezing And Clinics
• 1:05:10 Solo Motherhood, Villages, And Resilience
• 1:10:00 Telling Her Son His Origin Story
• 1:13:30 Closing Reflections And Community Invite

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:01

Are you tired of scrolling your feed only to see the highlight reel version of motherhood? If so, then you're in the right place. Welcome to the Motherhood Intended Podcast. I'm your host, Jacqueline Baird, and I am a passionate mom here to support women like you in their unique journeys to and through motherhood. I have been through it all. We're gonna be talking about things like trying to conceive, infertility, IVF, surrogacy, mom life, and more. It's time to get real about what it takes to be a mom and come together in the fact that things don't always go as planned. So here we go. Hey friend, it's Jacqueline. Welcome back to Motherhood Intended. Today's episode feels extra special for a few reasons. Not only are we kicking off season seven of the podcast, but it also was recently the three-year anniversary of Motherhood Intended. And that may or may not have also been my birthday. So this conversation today feels like the most meaningful way I could celebrate all three. If you've been listening over the past few weeks, you know we've been talking a lot about egg freezing, fertility timelines, and the idea that sometimes the choices we make don't give us guarantees, they give us options. A few weeks ago, I re-aired one of the very first episodes of the podcast called Egg Preservation: a story of 10 Maybe Babies. In that conversation, I spoke with Alison, my good friend, who shared her decision to freeze her eggs at a time when the future felt uncertain. And today, Allison is back. This is a full circle moment, you guys. Since we last spoke three years ago, Allison's journey has taken her down a path that she couldn't have fully imagined at the time. Pursuing single motherhood by choice, selecting a sperm donor, going through IVF, experiencing pregnancy, and welcoming her now almost six-month-old son into the world. What I love about this conversation is how honest it is. It's not a highlight reel and it's not a fairy tale. It's a real look at what can unfold when you give yourself time, information, and space to make decisions that align with your life. Whether you're considering freezing your eggs, navigating fertility decisions, exploring single motherhood by choice, or simply wondering how the choices you make today might shape your future, this episode is filled with insight, reflection, and hope. Before we jump in, a quick reminder: if you want to stay connected beyond the podcast, I'd love for you to join my email list. I'll be sharing details soon about upcoming in-person and virtual meetups, new conversations, and everything that's unfolding inside your fertility village. You can sign up through the link in the show notes. All right, let's get into this really meaningful conversation. Here's my full circle update with Allison. Hey Tinan, welcome back to the podcast. So happy to have you back on, friend.

SPEAKER_00: 2:54

Thank you. I'm excited to be here, Chad.

SPEAKER_02: 2:56

Yeah, for everyone listening, I have to share this because we just had a little pow-wow about calling each other by our like Jacqueline and Allison, and that's just weird because we don't do that. And so we're not gonna do it here today. I call you by your last name Tinnen, you call me Jack, and that's just what it is. It is. Yes. But for anyone who didn't hear your first episode, which aired three years ago, I did have it re-air recently. So if you haven't listened, definitely go back and listen to it. But for those who are brand new, can you briefly reintroduce yourself and where you were in life when we first spoke three years ago?

SPEAKER_00: 3:32

Yeah. My name is Allison or Tinan, depending on when you knew me. Three years ago, I went through the process of freezing my eggs because I had a scary moment where I realized that my egg quality and egg volume may not last until I meet someone or I'm ready to have kids. And after that, I waited about three, four years to start going through the process of becoming a mom. So going through IUIs and then ultimately IVF to become a mom to my sweet baby boy Oliver.

SPEAKER_02: 4:09

I am so excited to get into all of this because it's such a full circle moment. And we were just talking about this like time is wild. I don't even know where the last three, four years have gone and so much has happened. So let's get into it. First, I just wanted to ask you when you think back to the version of you who froze her eggs. Obviously, you were like in a different spot in your life. Like what words come to mind now of who you were at that point? Like, how are you feeling?

SPEAKER_00: 4:34

I feel like I was hopeful and naive. There's been so much that I've learned since then. And there was a part of me where I was like, I'm not going to need these. I'm gonna meet someone, I'm going to have a child the conventional way and start a family. And then just as life happens, I realized that's not the case for me, which I love my story. And I there's no regrets there. It's just from then until now, I've realized how my life would unfold.

SPEAKER_02: 5:06

Yeah. Yeah. It's such a tricky thing because I feel like when you're making a decision like this, regardless of how you become a mom or if you need extra interventions, you can't really predict what the future is going to hold. You just take the information you have and you just have to leap and go for it. And like you said, naive is a good word. I think anyone going into any kind of family building journey is naive at the beginning. You can do as much research as you want, but until you're in it, you learn so much that you didn't know you'd ever have to know.

unknown: 5:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 5:36

It's so true. It's wild.

SPEAKER_00: 5:39

Do you hear him?

SPEAKER_02: 5:40

I briefly heard him and I love it.

SPEAKER_00: 5:42

He has opinions.

SPEAKER_02: 5:43

I love that. Listen up, Oliver. This is a good story. Okay. So what looking back now, how do you view egg freezing? Do you view it differently than you did at the time?

SPEAKER_00: 5:55

Not necessarily. I think it's for me personally, it's nice to have that safety net. But what I know now is the amount of eggs you truly need in order to have one healthy embryo. I I'm not sure if what I have frozen is honestly enough to amount to a baby. So right now they are still maybe babies. Um but going through the IVF process and just knowing the numbers and statistics, it's wild to me that I have nine eggs frozen and that may be zero embryos, or it could be nine embryos. Just depends on their quality and the sperm quality that I would choose.

SPEAKER_02: 6:37

Yeah, that is so wild. And I think a lot of people going into that, you don't realize how the numbers dwindle. I sure didn't know that. And that was, I didn't even realize until after I even had kids because we tested them later, and I just had no idea all the different ways that they can dwindle down. Freezing your eggs, I think that was such a brave decision because it's not simple, like we all we all think it is. It's a process, it's a lot on your body, but it does help take control of your future. And again, that does not say you couldn't have met somebody and had a baby the conventional way, but you have that reassurance of just knowing you're like honestly stopping time because unfortunately, women don't get the luxury of time, which sucks.

SPEAKER_00: 7:20

That is very true.

SPEAKER_02: 7:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 7:22

And between then and now, the process has completely changed insurance-wise as well. Because when I first froze my eggs, insurance covered a portion of it, but it wasn't a ton. So I went pretty far into debt for that. Yeah. But going through it again three or four years later, insurance covered about 90% of it. Wow. Yeah, I think it's becoming more and more of the normal that insurance companies are finally offering that support.

SPEAKER_02: 7:54

It makes sense. Sure, more and more people are bringing it up to their insurance attention because so many women are delaying motherhood too. And it's like top of mind for a lot of people now, which is good because it gives us control and insurance should help.

unknown: 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 8:09

That's why we pay for it.

SPEAKER_02: 8:10

Yeah, seriously. So freezing your eggs is one thing, and you've alluded to this, but you were like, oh, when I froze my eggs, it was like an assurance thing for you. You still you can't tell the future. You don't know who you'll meet, how life will pan out. Walk me through the moment when you realize that you are going to pursue motherhood on your own, when you realize that this is a priority and this is what I want. Walk me through what that felt like to make that decision.

SPEAKER_00: 8:36

Yeah, this goes way back to when I was a baby child. My mom will always say, since I was two years old, I've wanted to be a mom. And having a husband or a dad in the picture wasn't necessarily always there. So I would play house and I would be the mom, but there wasn't a dad.

SPEAKER_02: 8:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 8:52

So that just stuck with me. And when I was in college, I had heard about people having babies on their own, being single mothers by choice. And I thought that was so amazing. You can make that decision, you can be independent and strong and start a family on your own. So I said to myself, by the time I'm 35, if I'm not married, if there's not a potential someone in my life, then I want to pursue it on my own and figure out a way to do it. Fast forward to me turning 35, I was like, oh, the date is here. This is the age I am, and this is when I said I would do it. And so on my birthday, on my 35th birthday, I was like, yes, I'm moving forward. I made my appointment, which funny enough, not funny at all, but they book out so far. So I made the appointment in August. I couldn't get in until end of October.

SPEAKER_02: 9:51

Wow.

SPEAKER_00: 9:52

Yeah. It was a long way. Yes, it was. That gave me time to truly think about it. Like I knew I wanted to be a mom. I knew I could figure it out, but there was also that emotional part of me where I said 35, but also it was a safety net. I didn't think it was actually going to happen this way. And I was working through saying goodbye to a life that I would imagined I would have to start my journey to what my new life was and really picturing it, really manifesting what I wanted it to be and the type of bomb I wanted to be if I was going to do it alone.

SPEAKER_02: 10:31

That's a lot to process. I knew this, obviously, you're my friend, and I knew this part of your story in the timelines, but I never thought about it. Like, yeah, like just because you say it doesn't mean until it happens, you're like, oh, it's here. Yes. Maybe that wait was a little bit of a blessing because at least you had things in motion, meaning like you have a plan and then you could let it sink in. Cause whether you were a little girl playing that way, just with the mom in the picture, it still is something to adjust to. When you were in that waiting period where you were waiting for that fertility appointment, what fears came up when you started considering this for real? Like really looking at okay, what is the future gonna look like? What kind of things came to mind that maybe, I don't know, made you really look in and be like, I can do this? It's it sounds scary, but I can do this. Great question. And to put you on the spot.

SPEAKER_00: 11:21

The biggest fear, and I've admitted this to a couple people, but not everyone, but is what if I'm not good enough? What if I have a baby who ends up hating me? Or what if I am not a good mom? What if I make mistakes? All of those things. That was my biggest fear. And then finances because I started looking into how much babies actually cost. And that kind of made me nervous because I'm a single income household. There's only so much money that's coming in, and I want to be able to give my child the life that they deserve. And if I'm not making enough to do that, is it a smart decision to move forward?

SPEAKER_02: 12:06

Yeah, so many parts to think about the emotional side of it, and then logistically, it's just from my opinion. But I I think a lot of women, whether you're pursuing motherhood on your own or not, those are like such real fears for anyone. So it's like totally makes sense. The fear of, am I gonna be good enough for my kid? Obviously, the difference is you don't have that other person as like support, but everyone's situation's different, and that might that other person might not always be the best support, to be honest. Exactly. So once you put things into perspective, I don't know. I think it's everyone has the same fears, they just play out differently and look a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00: 12:44

I don't remember if I asked you this question, but I asked a few people like, do you ever sit around and look at your kid and be like, that's so your husband or that's so you partner? That was something that played in my head too. I was like, I'm not gonna be able to do that with someone.

SPEAKER_02: 12:59

Yeah. So silly, but yeah, but it's a real thought. Yeah. It is funny though, because now that I've met Oliver, it's hilarious because he just looks exactly like you. I'm like, whoa, you have tin and jeans. Yes. So what was it that like then ultimately helped you feel confident enough to move forward? You're getting closer to this appointment in October, and you're like, all right, we're doing this. What was it that helped you feel confident enough to move forward and pursue this?

SPEAKER_00: 13:26

There was a clarity for me that I knew I was supposed to be a mom. I just felt it deep inside me that I was going to be a mom and this is what I wanted to do, and I would make it happen.

SPEAKER_02: 13:41

Oh my gosh. That kind of gave me chills. Yeah.

unknown: 13:44

I love that.

SPEAKER_02: 13:46

When you were going through this whole process, did you I remember talking with you about it and you kept us updated, and I'll never forget when I found out you were pregnant because it was New Year's Eve last year. And that was so fun.

SPEAKER_00: 13:59

Real vent in the oven. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 14:04

That was funny. Oh, I'll never forget that. Obviously, I experienced this with totally different situations, but I experienced this with surrogacy where like people have questions and people have concerns. How did you navigate other people's reactions or opinions during the phase of you like pursuing this?

SPEAKER_00: 14:21

For the most part, people were very excited and more curious than anything. So they would ask questions, I would be able to answer, and I would tell people I'm an open book. I did have a family member ask me, Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure this is the right, the right path to move down? Are you sure you can do it? And it wasn't out of malice, it was playing devil's advocate to really be like, Did you think this through? Because having a baby, it's hard. And it's not a, oh ha ha, it's a trend. I'm gonna have a baby for a couple months and then carry on. It's a lifetime decision. And so even though that question came up and I was a little bit hurt at first, but then just thinking through it, it's really trying to make sure that all sides were seen.

SPEAKER_02: 15:11

Yeah. And if anything, whoever said that is also it's because they care about you and it's like they want you to look at it from all angles. I had family members too, when going through surrogacy, being like, Do you is it smart to take this on? Like to take on more. I mean, you you have kids, like is it smart? And it's only you really know, but it is helpful just to hear from the people closest in your life whether you're ready to hear certain things or not. Cause, like you said, I don't know, devil's advocate, at least. If anything, it assures you that you're like, nope, this is absolutely what I want to do.

SPEAKER_00: 15:41

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 15:42

And what an like accidental opportunity to educate people because I know I've already learned a lot from you just asking you about it, and it's nothing's ever as easy as it sounds. Gosh, no, no.

SPEAKER_00: 15:56

And some people would ask a question, I'd be like, I don't know. Let me ask my doctor this.

SPEAKER_02: 16:01

Right. Yeah. I know it always shocks me like the questions that come in. You're like, you know what? I don't know that one. I should know this. I'll go, I'll learn. Let's learn together.

SPEAKER_00: 16:12

Please hold.

SPEAKER_02: 16:14

Oh my gosh. So the the the biggest piece of this that I that was new for me was the whole sperm donor process. I was familiar with egg retrievals and IVF, but I learned a lot listening to your process about this. What was it like to begin the sperm donor selection process? And was it what you expected?

SPEAKER_00: 16:33

No, it wasn't what I was expected, not in a good or bad way, but it just was not at all what I thought it would be. I luckily or unluckily, I don't know. I never had CMV, which narrows down the pool immensely. So if you've had CMV, you could have a donor who's had it or who has not had it. If you have not had it, you have to have a donor who has never had it. Otherwise, it puts your unborn child at risk. But also once they come into the world, they are at risk for developing it. And there's a whole bunch of complications that come with it.

SPEAKER_02: 17:09

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00: 17:10

Wow. Yes. And in reading about this, I know I'm going on a tangent, but it's something it feels like a cold. So you don't know you actually have it until you get tested when you're going through this process or if you're randomly tested for it. It just feels like a normal sickness.

SPEAKER_02: 17:26

Oh, wow. And so that'll definitely like lowers the pool of options immensely if you have it, you said, or don't have it.

SPEAKER_00: 17:34

If you've never had it.

SPEAKER_02: 17:35

If you've never had it, okay. Yes.

SPEAKER_00: 17:37

Because it's so common that people who don't have it, it's just a smaller pool.

SPEAKER_02: 17:43

Oh, I understand now. Okay. Wow, that's interesting. So now I understand what you said. Fortunately, unfortunately, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00: 17:49

Yes. Yeah. So in my mind, I compared it to going to Cheesecake Factory where you have this giant menu and you're like, I don't know what to get. There's so many options. And it went from that to the normal size menu. And I was like, oh, okay, this is more manageable.

SPEAKER_02: 18:04

Okay. That makes total sense.

SPEAKER_00: 18:06

Yes. And initially I went into it being like, I don't care, like a donor of any race, a donor of any like background. And then the more I started thinking about it, I was just like, I think I need to go with someone who looks like me because I'm putting this baby in a position where they don't have a dad. So if I bring in a different race, I don't know how to handle those situations. And I don't want them to feel left out or feel more of an identity crisis because now they don't have a dad, but also they may not necessarily look like me. And so that narrowed it down a little bit more of looking for people like me. And I know that sounds so weird and I hate saying it.

SPEAKER_02: 18:47

No, but I'm really glad you brought that up because again, that just shows that because I would have been the same way at first. I would have been like, I just want, yeah, just a baby. Like, I don't, I'll be open to whatever, but it is more than that. And that was like so, I don't even know what the word is, not mature or responsible. It's just that's such a mom thing to do already, is you have to think of like his future and what that will entail. And it adds layers to the whole situation. So I totally get how it might feel weird to say, but I that makes so much sense.

SPEAKER_00: 19:17

Yeah. And then the other question was what sperm bank to go with? Because there are so many out there, and you need to make sure it's reputable. And then only some sperm banks work with your fertility office. So you could find a donor at a sperm bank and be like, this is who I want. And they may not have the certifications to work with your fertility clinic. So always best, like once you start this process, say, Hey, do you have a list of sperm banks that you work with? That's good to know. So that you don't get into a weird situation.

SPEAKER_02: 19:52

Yeah. I didn't realize that. So did you start looking first and then you had to narrow it down to go to whoever worked with your clinic or Did you know that going into it?

SPEAKER_00: 20:01

I did not start looking because I was also scared. I don't know where to even start. I think so I waited until I was like, hey, where do I go? They gave me a list of banks that they work with.

SPEAKER_02: 20:13

That's good. And then this was the part that surprised me when you were telling me this. Like how far in advance? I'm sure you can always look, but like what made the most sense to say when you're going to make an embryo or do the IVF portion? Because I remember you mentioning, or at least to me, it sounded it was almost like real estate. Like you can browse, but then it might not be there. It might not match up the timeline-wise. I don't know how all that works.

SPEAKER_00: 20:38

Yes. So you need to be ready to make the financial commitment as soon as you're looking. Because if you find a donor that you really like, they could become very popular. And then when you go back a day or two later, they may not have any left in storage. Or someone did a, I'm gonna call it a larger purchase, but because they know that they want to have family down the line. So they buy for now and then put a reserve on the rest.

SPEAKER_02: 21:05

Gotcha. Oh gosh, I didn't even think about that. Yeah. When you're going through this process, like for people who just have no idea, just like I did. What is are you like logging on to a port? What are you, what is it that you're looking at? I picture it like a dating profile almost.

SPEAKER_00: 21:19

That's exactly what it felt like. Okay. Uh like a dating profile. And I can't remember what show it was. It maybe the Mindy show where it was a binder of honors. That was not the case.

SPEAKER_02: 21:30

Okay, uh, that's what I was imagining.

SPEAKER_00: 21:33

Yes. So I went into it thinking, yeah, they're gonna send me something, but it was all online, which was actually a lot better. Yeah, for sure. Um, but it was like a dating site. You go in, you can set your preferences of like eye color, of background, ethnicity. You can even go as far as education and make those decisions. And there are some where you don't see a face, you don't see any pictures, you just get the description, and then there's some banks where you do see a picture, okay. Uh both adult and baby.

SPEAKER_02: 22:05

Oh, both. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 22:07

Interesting. That is really interesting. Yeah, I for some reason I thought it was just like baby pictures. Does it depend on the individual donor or does it depend on the bank of how they do it?

SPEAKER_00: 22:18

I think it depends on the bank.

SPEAKER_02: 22:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 22:20

And so there are some banks where there's tiers. You can either purchase based on you want the baby to be able to know who their dad is. You can purchase as you don't want them to know that you don't want them to ever contact. Or you can purchase and when they turn 18, they can reach out to the agency and they can connect with the donor.

SPEAKER_02: 22:49

Okay. Is that based on the bank, or is that based on the donor that chooses that as well?

SPEAKER_00: 22:54

It's based on the bank.

SPEAKER_02: 22:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 22:56

But you can donate and say, I don't ever want to know if children come out of this.

SPEAKER_02: 23:01

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00: 23:02

And then that you don't have that option.

SPEAKER_02: 23:04

Okay. You don't have to share if you don't want to, but what option did you choose when you were looking into this?

SPEAKER_00: 23:11

I wanted my baby to have the option to know who the donor was.

SPEAKER_02: 23:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 23:16

At 18. Yeah. Yeah. And so I actually wound up going through two different banks, one for my IUIs and one for the IVF. Okay. So the first bank, it was tiered. So I started only looking at donors who would be open to knowing if a child came out of their donation.

SPEAKER_02: 23:36

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_00: 23:37

And then the second bank that I went with, that was the only option. Is when they turn 18, they can contact us and we can reach out to the donors, see if they want to meet.

SPEAKER_02: 23:47

Okay. That's really interesting. Going through that process, were there any unexpected emotions that came up when you're making this decision? Obviously, it's such a personal decision. And I'm sure you had like your own factors that mattered most to you when you were choosing a donor. Yeah, was there any like emotions that surprised you coming up going through that?

SPEAKER_00: 24:05

Honestly, it was the background information that surprised me the most of how if they look similar to me or not. And I also wanted to make sure that they ideally were good at math because I'm not. So I'm just like, maybe that'll transfer over.

SPEAKER_02: 24:24

That makes sense. I would, yeah. I'm like, what do I what where am I lacking? Can they have more of that?

SPEAKER_00: 24:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 24:29

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00: 24:30

But otherwise, I was just like looking at to make sure that they were healthy, seeing their upbringing. A lot of these places they have essays that you can read. It's like, why do you want to donate? What makes this special? And ultimately the two donors that I chose had just like the sweets background essay. One of them I remember they were just gushing about their mom and wanting to give someone the opportunity to be a mom. And one of them was gushing about how much they love their nieces and nephews, and giving someone the opportunity would really fulfill them. And so that that played a big part in the decision.

SPEAKER_02: 25:10

Yeah. That's awesome. I didn't know you got to read essays. That's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00: 25:14

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:15

And going through that process and choosing your donor, did you feel was it isolating a little bit, or did you feel supported during the process? Because I know obviously it's a decision only you can make, which feels like a lot, but it is an intimate decision. So I don't know. Did you feel supported or alone during that?

SPEAKER_00: 25:35

So I did a lot of the research on my own. And by research, I mean looking at profiles. Yeah. To narrow down who I thought would be best. And then when I came down to two or three, or even if I had one where I was like, this is who I want, I would take it to my mom and dad. Yeah. Like, this is who I'm thinking. What are your thoughts? And of course, they're we're always like, What do you think?

SPEAKER_02: 25:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 25:59

Like, no.

SPEAKER_02: 26:00

But what do you think?

SPEAKER_00: 26:02

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02: 26:03

That's always a fun little game.

SPEAKER_00: 26:05

Yes. And so ultimately, the first my first donor for the IUIs, I opened it up and was like, What does everyone think? And then the second donor, it was, This is who I'm going with, and this is why.

SPEAKER_02: 26:19

Yeah. That makes sense. I feel like it's like when you are choosing names for babies and it's like, I want to know your opinion, but also just know that this is what you want.

SPEAKER_00: 26:30

Yes, this is what I want.

SPEAKER_02: 26:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 26:32

And this is what it's going to be. Yes. Can't change points.

SPEAKER_02: 26:36

Yeah. Speaking of the IUIs and IVF and the different donors, because even I'm forgetting like your timeline a little bit. Can you walk us through what IVF looked like using your frozen eggs? I guess you started with IUIs.

SPEAKER_00: 26:49

I did start with IUIs. And so that was more along the lines of my cycle. Yeah. And a turkey baster. It wasn't really a turkey baster, but that's just what I envisioned happening. Yeah, pretty much. Yes. And so that process was I was full of hormones and I was giving my shots every time. And then that it would come down to being in for blood work every two days, which turned into every day once it got closer to ovulation. And then also the ultrasound to see where my eggs were in the process and if they were coming down the tube correctly. And so once the everything was optimal, I gave myself the trigger shot. And then 48 hours later, I would go in and they would just inject me with the donor. So I remember one lady, one nurse, she was doing it and she's look at how great this is. And I was like, I don't know what I'm looking at. Like, great, I'm gonna trust you.

SPEAKER_02: 27:54

Oh my god. And these IUIs, this was like three years or two years. I'm trying to for remember how long after you because you froze your eggs and then you started with the IUIs, which for those who are listening and aren't following along, just so you know, obviously, it's like you said, you're getting pumped with hormones to release eggs, and it's all about timing. So that has nothing to do with the eggs that you froze. So how old were you when you were doing these uh started with IUI?

SPEAKER_00: 28:21

I was 35. So my appointment was in October, and then my first IUI was in January.

SPEAKER_02: 28:31

Got it. And how many did you end up trying?

SPEAKER_00: 28:36

I did three. So my first one I wound up with a biochemical pregnancy, which was heartbreaking, but also nice to know that I could get pregnant because there was a little bit there, can I get pregnant or can I? Yeah, we won't know until we try. And then the other two just didn't take. So it was I did January, February, and then I skipped a month and did April.

SPEAKER_02: 29:04

Was that your motivating factor too to start with? Because even though you have your frozen embryos, it's like you're still you're 35 and it's I mean, were you just thinking like why not? Just let's just try.

SPEAKER_00: 29:13

Yeah, and it was in theory cheaper. Yeah. So if I UI took, it would be cheaper and less of a process.

SPEAKER_02: 29:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 29:22

But ultimately, since they didn't take, it turned out to be more expensive.

SPEAKER_02: 29:27

Yeah, it's that happens. That's what happened to us too. And IVF does feel like so big too when you're doing it. You at least knew the part of the egg retrieval because you'd already frozen some eggs, but it's but you but also it's like you knew that's gonna be a process. And so if an IUI was gonna work, it's it's definitely more simple, but yeah. Um, so then at what point did you start the IVF process? Because this was you said January, February, April.

SPEAKER_00: 29:55

So after the April one failed, then I spoke to my doctor, and we decided we would try IVF, and that to get a consult took a couple months.

SPEAKER_02: 30:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 30:09

Again, even though I was already a patient, there's just so many people trying to get get in and be able to have children that there was just a backlog. I want to say I went in June or July, got the consult, and then we decided we would go forward with IVF and seeing if this would be a possibility. And then I did a second egg retrieval in September.

SPEAKER_02: 30:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 30:37

And so that one was an emotional roller coaster because leading up to it, again, you're truck full of hormones so that you produce more eggs. And I my body was just saying, we don't want to produce eggs, we're not gonna do this. We're tired of the hormones. And I got a call from my doctor after one of my like appointments to monitor. And I saw it was my doctor. I was like, Oh, this isn't good. Usually it's the nurses that call and give me an update. And so she basically said, My body's not responding, my egg volume is pretty low. So we did a last stitch effort of doubling some of the hormones that I was taking. And then two days later, it showed that my eggs, they were doing what they were supposed to, and that we could move forward with it.

SPEAKER_02: 31:26

And that wasn't the case, obviously. The first egg retrieval, right? Everything responded the same.

SPEAKER_00: 31:32

No, the first egg retrieval, I actually wound up doing two because the first one failed.

SPEAKER_02: 31:38

That's right.

SPEAKER_00: 31:38

Yeah, and then they changed my protocol to be able to do the second one.

SPEAKER_02: 31:43

Got it. And so did they follow that protocol this time, aside from upping, I guess, the dose or hormones. Very similar. Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 31:50

This one I was taking progesterone, too. So that was the main difference.

SPEAKER_02: 31:56

Yeah. And this was too, they retrieved your eggs and you already had a donor, is and then they were making embryos right from that cycle.

SPEAKER_00: 32:03

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 32:04

How did that turn out? How many embryos did you end up with?

SPEAKER_00: 32:08

So they wound up getting 12 eggs during the retrieval. From there, nine of them fertilized, and then five of them turned into blastocysts, and then I did opt-in for the genetic testing.

SPEAKER_02: 32:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 32:26

Uh, because I was like, I want to give myself the best chance. Yeah. And four of them turned into viable embryos.

SPEAKER_02: 32:34

That's amazing. Oh my gosh, that's awesome. So that wasn't a fresh transfer then. So then you tested them and froze those four embryos, right? Exactly. Got it. Okay. Yeah. You said that you had two different, was it two different donors that you chose for your IUIs? And or how does that work?

SPEAKER_00: 32:51

Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 32:52

Okay, two different donors.

SPEAKER_00: 32:53

So there was I went with one for the IUI, and then for this IVF, I went with a different donor. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_02: 33:01

And then after they were frozen, did you go ahead and do a transfer right away, or did you wait?

SPEAKER_00: 33:07

I waited, but it was because of my cycle.

SPEAKER_02: 33:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 33:11

I by the time that they did the testing, I had missed the October cycle. And so we decided, we as in me and my doctor, decided a November transfer would be best.

SPEAKER_02: 33:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 33:23

And with that, something I also learned is you can either do it completely natural, you can do it medically supported, or you can do fully medically supported, where it's the shots every day and like just the protocol. I wound up going in the middle of this first one. Let's just see what my body does. And so I was taking the progesterone and I did a trigger shot. Oh, okay. Once like the it I was nearing my population.

SPEAKER_02: 33:53

Yeah. I didn't know that. I didn't even know that was an option. That's neither. That's nice. For those who don't know that, I also feel like that takes a little bit of pressure off, especially for if anyone hasn't been pregnant yet, because that's the always like the lingering question when you do IVF, it's or at least I always felt I just want to know can I get pregnant on my own? It's just that lingering what if or can I? Yes. So with all the different steps that you've taken leading up to this IVF and the transfer, what were your emotions doing? Were you it's the two-week everyone knows things like the two-week wait or waiting for your embryo results or everything? It's like a lot on everyone. What was going through your mind as you waited for the embryo results and then your transfer? How are you feeling during all that?

SPEAKER_00: 34:38

I was very excited, but I wasn't getting my hopes up too high because based on what my doctor had told me in my Google doctoring, you in theory need 10 embryos in order to have one viable one. And so in my mind, I was like, my numbers are going really low. Like I'm starting with nine embryos, like likelihood of me having one is very low. And so I was honestly checking every single day to see if the results came, even though they're like, it'll take two weeks. I was like, no, it's gonna take a day. I'm gonna get a I was ecstatic to know that I had poor fiable when I was only expecting one.

SPEAKER_02: 35:25

Yeah, that is amazing news.

SPEAKER_01: 35:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 35:29

Gosh, that's just incredible. I had no idea either until I started even a couple episodes ago. I was doing an like a an episode on egg freezing, and I didn't even know how many eggs you need. I went into it so blindly. I mean, when I did it, I think I was 29 and got like literally 20 something eggs. And I was like, I'm gonna have a million babies. Had no idea. And obviously all that dwindled down and eight embryos, and we didn't even test them at first, and then that became essentially four or I think five that four or five that we knew for sure that are normal because we lost one in a thaw, two were abnormal. Like the numbers are wild, so yeah, the fact that you got those four healthy embryos is incredible. I almost wish that I would everyone would just go into it thinking I would rather be pleasantly surprised because it's so stressful. The thought of having to do try again or make the decision if you want to try again, it's like it's a lot. It is a lot. It really is. That you did the transfer though, and then obviously the two-week wait is it was it's horrible.

SPEAKER_00: 36:31

Yeah. So I did the transfer the day after Thanksgiving last year, actually. Um, and I made it three whole days without taking a pregnancy test.

SPEAKER_02: 36:43

Whoa, good for you.

SPEAKER_00: 36:45

Even though they're like, you have to wait two weeks because the trigger shot, you do that and you're it comes, it causes a positive pregnancy test, whether you are or not. That's right. Okay. That's the hormone it tests for. And so I started on day three and then I skipped a day, and that was the only day that I skipped in the two weeks. I was taking pregnancy tests literally every day for 14 days straight. Yeah. And so I saw the line start to fade and it went away, which in my mind I was like, okay, this is normal. It's the trigger shot going out of my system. Now we see if that line starts coming back. And then I will never remember or never remember, never forget when I saw that line. It was so faint and you had to like tilt it and looking at it at all kinds of angles. I'm like, it's there. And I told one of my best friends, I was like, I have to tell someone because I'm about to birth. I don't know if this is real, but I had I think I have a positive pregnancy test. And then every day since since that day, the line just kept getting darker and darker. And then I did a digital test. And so that was actually December 6th after I did the transfer on the November 29th, because that's the day that I told my parents. Okay. I was like, I'm still in the two-week wait. I just need you to know I'm pregnant. Like it took the sticky thoughts work, and I'm very early, but I am pregnant.

SPEAKER_02: 38:14

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Oh, that just gave me chills with my IOIs the very first time with the trigger shot. That's exactly what I did. I had literally had them taped up like in the line. I was like, okay, you feel like a little bit of a scientist, and you're like, it's there. Then you start to see things. Because I was like, is that lighter, darker? But oh man, when when it is there and there's no better feeling, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 38:36

No, it really is.

SPEAKER_02: 38:37

You told your parents, obviously, you gotta tell somebody. I there's no way I could have. Yeah. Yeah. I'd ask you how you felt, but obviously just elated. Did it feel real? Did it feel like fake news?

SPEAKER_00: 38:48

Uh a little bit. Like I would have to, I would pull the picture up on my phone. I was like, Am I pregnant? Am I or did I just dream this? Or I would just take a pregnancy test like after that to be like, I need to make sure this is still real. And then I had the weird situation of since I was an open book, a lot of people knew I was going in for the procedures. So people would be asking me, like, how's everything going? Do you know yet? And I'd be like, I don't know. I gotta wait for the doctor. I don't know what's happening. Yes, it's been three weeks. I don't know. Yeah. And yeah, and at one point people would ask, and I'd be like, It's very secret, very early, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 39:28

It's so hard because you want support and it's such a big journey and a big undertaking. I don't know how anyone keeps it so secret all the time because you want people to be there for you. But then at the same time, when you get to that gray area and you're like, I am, but hang in there with me because we're gonna get more information.

SPEAKER_00: 39:46

Yes, exactly. It's funny too, because you don't like when you're doing it the conventional way, you don't tell people like, guess what we're doing tonight? Exactly. Yeah. So people know the exact day that you're trying.

SPEAKER_02: 40:00

Yeah. And it's so hard for someone on the outside not to be like, did it work? Like you're not supposed to ask, but you want to ask.

SPEAKER_00: 40:07

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 40:08

I know.

SPEAKER_00: 40:09

And that just made me think like I knew some of our friends were trying. And I would ask just to be supportive. Hey, like, how are things going? Do you have a positive test? And then thinking about it, I was like, oh my gosh. Like, I didn't even think about the mental toll that takes on people when you get asked that question. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 40:28

And it's you, and you don't until you've experienced it yourself. Like, you just don't. There have been so many things in my fertility journey that have changed how I see other people or how I do things. Like everything from like if you've had a loss, like I don't ever ask people like, How many kids do you have? I don't want to put people on the spot, even with something that seems like a simple question, because to someone else it might not be. So it's hard being an outsider and wanting to support your friends. But like now, having this new lens, I'm not gonna ask. I'll just wait. I guess I'll just wait. It's wait until you tell me.

SPEAKER_00: 41:02

Exactly. Because the last thing you want to do is ask and have them be like, ugh, exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 41:07

It's you just have to wait until you know that person's ready to share good or bad news, and it is what it is. So after you were taking your own test, then finally you got to your beta and you did the labs for that. Yep. Do you remember your number? I everyone's is different, but I was just curious.

SPEAKER_00: 41:25

I don't I just remember that it was like above what the benchmark was, and then it just kept doubling and doubling. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 41:33

And is it the nurse calls you, I'm sure, with the results?

SPEAKER_00: 41:36

They do, yes. And I remember like the day that I went in for the confirmation, I was at work and I go into the office two days a week, and it was an office day. And so I literally had my phone out at all hours just to make sure I didn't miss the call. And I was in a one-on-one with my manager, and I was like, I stopped her mid-sentence. I was like, I'm so sorry I have to take this, and I took it. And they told me they're like, Congratulations, you're pregnant. And so my manager actually knew the second I found out they not, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh. But they knew that I was like going through the process, yeah. Just like waiting on results. So it wasn't a surprise. Oh my gosh, she's pregnant. I didn't know this was happening. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 42:20

That actually brings up a question I have for you too. Did you feel the need that that it was important to tell your employer that you were going through this? Or how did you navigate that?

SPEAKER_00: 42:29

I told select people, like not necessarily broadcasting it, but if people asked, I would answer honestly. And it got to the point where like I would have to go in every two days or every day for blood work ultrasound. And so I would have to let my team at least know, hey, this is what's happening. Also, when you're full of hormones, you are a raging beast. Uh so I felt that they deserve to know. Like a little explanation. Yes, these next two weeks, it's not you, it's literally me. I'm going to be cranky and I'm going to cry a lot, and I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02: 43:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 43:04

So that is where I felt the need to do it.

SPEAKER_02: 43:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 43:08

And then the owner of my company, he's amazing. And like we would have one-on-ones and talk about what I was going through because he knew I always wanted to be a mom. And so he was aware of the situation as well.

SPEAKER_02: 43:20

Okay. That had to have been good to have those select people at work, at least knowing they've got your back, instead of having to try and hide what you're doing because it's a lot, like you said, on your body, and you're going to be different. Something's going to be off. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 43:33

And random days off. And like when you get close to the trigger and the transfer, you have to drop everything on a dime because it's so specific to time. Where it's luckily it happened over Thanksgiving. But if it wasn't during the holiday, I would have had a two days' notice, be like, hey, gotta cancel all these meetings. I'm gonna be out of office. And like I don't know.

SPEAKER_02: 43:54

Which in theory, you don't owe an explanation, but I but like logistically, it's only adds more stress if you're not explaining it. I feel like it would put more stress on you to try and figure that all out.

SPEAKER_00: 44:05

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02: 44:06

Yeah, I'm so glad you had that kind of support. It's one less thing to have to worry about when you're going through IVF.

SPEAKER_00: 44:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 44:12

How was pregnancy for you? How was your pregnancy overall?

SPEAKER_00: 44:17

Overall, honestly, I loved it. I thought it was so amazing of what my body was doing and just like the different surprises. And when I grew the belly, I was ecstatic. I know some people are like iffy about the belly, but I was like, no, I got the bump, I got the bump, it's circle, there's a baby in there.

SPEAKER_01: 44:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 44:33

I was so unbelievably sick the first trimester, though. I went down 15 pounds, I think, because I just couldn't keep out anything down, anything, even things that I liked or craved. I was like, I'd eat and be like, nope, this is an all-day thing. It's not just morning.

SPEAKER_02: 44:53

All day morning sickness.

SPEAKER_00: 44:54

Yeah. And then the insomnia hit in my second trimester, but I wasn't sick, and I was like, this is great. What a trade-off.

SPEAKER_02: 45:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 45:03

Yes. And the third trimester came back with insomnia.

SPEAKER_02: 45:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 45:07

That was a little rough. Um, but overall it was great. I didn't know the sets of the embryo. I just they chose the strongest one. Um, so I did get to go through that process of having to wait until I was able to find out on the eighth week because of the blood tests that they do. But I was also searching all of my paperwork to be like, maybe someone made a mistake and they wrote it down somewhere. Maybe it's in my records. Yes, but no, the doctors are really good at what they do anyway.

SPEAKER_02: 45:40

So you don't know the sex of any of the embryos or just which one they were going to put in, or any of them.

SPEAKER_00: 45:45

I don't know any of them.

SPEAKER_02: 45:46

Okay. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 45:48

And so I felt although I hate surprises, this is one thing, like with pregnancy, like some of it, it was so controlled. Like, this is something that could be normal for me, to where I would have to wait to know that. Yeah, what a fun surprise. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 46:05

And just knowing that you put in like the strongest one, like that's all anyone after going through all that's all you want. Like the best chance at success. And yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 46:14

Exactly. Yeah. And I did find out on it was a Friday, it was Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_02: 46:20

Oh, it was? I didn't realize that. Oh, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_00: 46:24

Yeah. And I was dying to tell someone, but of course, like, people are at work. And so I called my parents. They were working, and I didn't want to tell my dad without my mom. So it's like, okay, they're out. I gotta wait till my mom's home. And then I called my brother and I was like, I have to tell someone. He answered, luckily. Nice. I was like, I'm having a boy.

unknown: 46:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 46:45

Oh my gosh. And how adorable, too. Just the fact that you found out you're having a boy on Valentine's Day, lifelong date. Like, you have a boy. Yeah. I love that so much. So exciting. So exciting. So pregnancy, okay, overall, not not ideal, but like the symptoms that happen, more or less. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 47:05

Yeah. Yeah. I looking back on it, I loved it. Um I did at the end there though, my blood pressure spiked. And so right after my shower, actually, I was supposed to go on a family vacation. And I was talking to my doctor, and they're like, Well, you're almost 37 weeks. We don't recommend like you going further than an hour away if you want to stick to your plan. Yeah. So I was like, gosh darn it. So I canceled. And my mom and I were talking, like, nothing's gonna happen, like it'll probably be fine. And then we'll look back on this and laugh. And literally, the Thursday, which is the day we would have gone up, I was actually about to go to KB's house. And I like stood up. I got dizzy, I got a headache, and I was like, Oh, I need a second. I took my blood pressure and it was in the like scary range.

SPEAKER_02: 47:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00: 47:54

And so I called the doctors and they had me go in for monitoring, and I had some abnormal results while I was there. And they're like, So we're gonna induce you on Sunday because you'll be 37 weeks exactly. And I was like, Oh my gosh, what? I'm sorry, that's in three days.

SPEAKER_02: 48:13

I can yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 48:14

Yeah, it was Thursday to Sunday. So I they release me. I'm crying hysterically because I'm scared and I'm like, oh my gosh, is the baby going to be okay? What's going to happen? And then I immediately call my mom and I was like, I couldn't get the words out. I'm like, I'm trying to say I'm okay, I'm okay, but I'm crying. And I'm like, I need you to come home. We're gonna have a baby on Sunday.

unknown: 48:36

Oh my god. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 48:38

Oh I don't even remember where your family were they were they far? Where did they end up going?

SPEAKER_00: 48:43

It was in my aunt and uncle's like house in Michigan. Okay. So it was there, it's three and a half hours away.

SPEAKER_02: 48:50

So not terrible, but not doable to get home, not ideal if you are the pregnant one. Yes, so exactly good choice not to go. Yeah, I do remember thinking like, because yeah, your shower you were 36 weeks.

SPEAKER_00: 49:03

Yeah, okay. 36. That my shower was on that Sunday. Yeah, the following Sunday is when I was induced.

SPEAKER_02: 49:09

Okay, yeah. Because I just remember when I found out that you were like going to have the baby, I was like, whoa, stop. We we just saw her, but I did know I remember that you were having basically like any dude in your family like help set up the nursery and get everything because you just had your shower and you were like putting the finishing touches. And so I was really happy that you got that done. I know. Perfect timing. Yeah, it was great. Oh my gosh. So, what was it like knowing that you were gonna be induced? How did you feel about that? Were you like very looking forward to hopefully having a natural delivery, or did you know ahead of time that it would likely be an induction?

SPEAKER_00: 49:46

So I didn't know it was going to be an induction. When I was in for my 35 week, they're like, Yeah, your doctors have probably told you like with IBF, you're likely getting induced. And I was like, this is actually the first time hearing this. Yes. And so it was one of those things I was like, I was sad that I didn't get to go through the process of being like, oh wait, I think I'm in later, and like my water breaking and all that, but and I did have a slight attachment to what his original birthday wasn't supposed to be because it was the day before my birthday. But once I let that go, I was okay with it because I like to plan this about me. And so the fact that I knew that I was going in on Sunday and they were going to induce me to have my baby. I was like, okay, there's structure here.

SPEAKER_02: 50:36

Yeah. That is like it is a weird feeling because you feel both. I felt the same way when I knew I would have to have a C-section with Noah and that it would be a planned C-section. Cause I was like, oh, like I'll never. I mean, with Hunter, I guess I went into labor, but like it was so early that I didn't I didn't know I was in labor. Like it was just they were like, this isn't good. Um yeah, and so I yeah, you kind of have to like let that go. And you're like, oh man, I'm not like I'm not gonna experience that whole. Oh, there's my water breaking, and now I'm we're gonna go experience this. But there is a silver lining because I am a planner too, knowing that okay, today's the day. I'm gonna walk in there, no surprises, let's do this. There's something about that is comforting, especially in a journey that there's so many question marks. It's I don't know, it's nice. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 51:20

It is, yes.

SPEAKER_02: 51:22

And how did that go? How did the induction go? How long was the process?

SPEAKER_00: 51:26

It went. Yeah, they did, and this was something where I was like, I don't think I want this when I was doing the birthing classes, and I wound up getting it. The forget what the medical term is, but it's the two balloons that they stick in to ease you open.

SPEAKER_02: 51:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 51:43

Don't recommend, it's very uncomfortable, but doesn't sound comfortable. And so that started, and then after a couple hours, they came in and said, We want to break your water. And I was like, Okay, explain this to me. I need to know like why and is it safe? Um, and also does it hurt? Do I need my epidural now? Yeah. And so they were like, most people ask for the epidural first. And I was like, Okay, we're gonna do that.

SPEAKER_02: 52:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 52:08

Uh good questions to ask.

SPEAKER_02: 52:10

Not everyone knows to do that. I think that's good advice, is just know what to ask and don't be afraid to ask because what's the doctors say? It's not just like the end all be all. You have choices.

SPEAKER_00: 52:19

Yes, and in all honesty, if I said no, I don't want to do that, they would have listened to me. It would have been okay. Yeah, because it wasn't medically necessary at that point, which is like more of a hey, this is the next step.

SPEAKER_02: 52:33

Yeah, helping it along situation.

SPEAKER_00: 52:36

So epidural, which nearly took me out, honestly. Like I was induced for high blood pressure. I did the epidural, and my blood pressure dropped to a dangerously low level with it. And I guess it's normal, like once you get the epidural, like you can't experience low blood pressure, but it was just complete opposites. There's a spectrum of blood pressure, started on one end, went to the complete opposite. The second day, not like second day of labor, but it was I slept the entire day. Like I could not stay awake, I was exhausted, I was laboring, and I every contraction I had I could feel in my bladder because his head it was hitting my bladder. Yeah. And so he got a little bit stuck there. And after 33 hours, they were finally like, we're going to do a C-section. And so at three in the morning, they prepped me and took me down. And yeah, they uh did a C-section.

SPEAKER_02: 53:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 53:37

Took him out. I remember listening for him. I did fall asleep at the start because again, exactly so long.

SPEAKER_02: 53:45

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 53:46

Yeah. And so I could feel the pressure, feel them pulling, and then they got him out, and most babies cry when they come out. He sneezed. And I was like, There he is. Yeah, he sneezed, and then there was no sound. I was like, oh my god, like, where's my baby? Is he okay? What's going on? And so the anesthesiologist was standing above me, and I'm staring at him. My mom's holding my hand, and she looks calm. He's smiling because he can see that he's like moving and stuff. And then I think the nurses were like, they probably pinched him to be like, Cry.

SPEAKER_02: 54:18

Yeah, because show your mom what you can do.

SPEAKER_00: 54:21

Exactly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 54:22

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00: 54:24

And then yeah, they cleaned him up, took him over. I will say, like, the skin on skin, an experience I will never forget. There's just something that comes over you. Yeah. But with a C section, it's such an awkward angle because they like put the head on your shoulder. And so you're trying to look, and you're like, I can kind of see. Meanwhile, you're just like laying there, like, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 54:47

So wild.

SPEAKER_00: 54:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 54:49

I don't even think I knew your whole first story. That is crazy. You must have been exhausted.

SPEAKER_00: 54:55

Oh, yeah. And it it was, it wasn't terrible, but it was traumatic for me. Yeah. So I really struggled talking about it without crying or just like having all these emotions come over me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 55:09

It's a lot, especially when none of that was the plan and it came out of nowhere. Like not only the timing of it, but then being induced. And then it's just, man, it that's a lot. I just always think of the exhaustion too. My sister-in-law, same thing. She not the same exact thing, but labored, went in for an induction, and nothing was progressing. And but her water was broke. And this is when I learned your water can only be broke for so long. It like there's like a risk of infection. And so yeah, then ultimately had to go in for a c-section. And I just was thinking the whole time, I'm like, how exhausted. Like after just emotionally, physically, and then yeah, and c-sections are a little scary when you're not prepared for it. It's a surgery. You're being wheeled into an OR. It's uh not the vision.

SPEAKER_00: 55:52

No, and if you're induced, you have Pitocin.

SPEAKER_02: 55:55

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 55:55

And right before they roll you in, they say pitocin can cause you to bleed out. And I'm like, what? Thanks for the disclaimer. I did not know this. As if I have a choice at this moment. And it's like you've been pumping it into me, like normal levels, and then got special approval to go above the normal level. So what do you mean I'm going to bleed out? And they're like, it's just we have to warn you, we have everything on hand. I was like, okay, now I'm crying hysterically.

SPEAKER_02: 56:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 56:21

Now I'm terrified, but yeah. Like, I I get it, you have to tell the wrists, but still.

SPEAKER_02: 56:26

But still. Could you just whisper it and say you did it and don't tell me? Oh my gosh. Yeah. Emotional all around. So I can understand reliving that is not top of mind. Then you're recovering and you're in baby bliss and figuring it all out and to have to talk about all of that again, which is the first thing so many people ask, like, how'd your birth go? And it's all in an adult diaper right now, trying to figure this mom thing out. Can we talk about that later?

SPEAKER_00: 56:50

Yeah. I was like, I tried to like give very high-level details, but also was like, I'm still processing it. This is what I can talk about. And the rest I will talk about when I'm ready.

SPEAKER_02: 57:04

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 57:05

Yeah. And then after birth, my blood pressure spiked again. And so then I was on watch for pre-eclansia, which not fun fact, you can get postpartum.

SPEAKER_02: 57:16

Yeah, I did not know that until in the last so many months, somebody was telling me about that. And I had no idea. So is that something they just monitored? Do you have to go on like a medication or you're I don't even know?

SPEAKER_00: 57:26

I did have to go on a medication. Yeah. And then it was just like I was during pregnancy taking my blood pressure. And then there was a moment I took him in for I think it was like the two-day after being released to the pediatrician. And my mom was with me, and we were in the elevator leaving. And I looked at her, I was like, Am I pale? Something's not right. And so luckily there was an immediate care underneath the pediatrician. I went in and my blood pressure was dangerously high. Oh gosh. You need to go to the hospital. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll just go do that.

SPEAKER_02: 58:03

Were you there just you'd have to stay, did you?

SPEAKER_00: 58:05

Or they just no, they ran all the tests. They checked for blood clots, and then it was just the hypertension. I didn't have any signs of pre-eclampsia other than the blood pressure. Yeah. So in which they were like, if you have it, like you'll be separated from your baby. And I was like, no. Yeah. He just had it and he's eating.

unknown: 58:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 58:28

Oh my gosh. Speaking of that, was it so surreal? Obviously, it's like a little chaotic when they first put him on you and everything. But then once you've settled and were in the hospital, what did that feel like holding him and meeting him for the first time?

SPEAKER_00: 58:40

It was amazing. When they put him on my chest after in the post op when I finally truly got to hold him, we just stared at each other and his hands. We held hands. I know that they can't truly hold hands, but I think he was. Oh my god. Yeah. And so he was very calm. He didn't cry. And then we got into our room, and every moment I could, I was holding him. And then since I was on the epidural, they're like, you can't stand up. And I was like, it would be a lot easier if I could stand up. Yeah. It would.

unknown: 59:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 59:15

Yeah. Oh my gosh, what a magical moment. I literally thought about that all the time. That's that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00: 59:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 59:21

So I know this, but listeners don't. How old is your son, Oliver, now?

SPEAKER_00: 59:27

He is five months. Five months.

SPEAKER_02: 59:29

I know we're talking about this, and it's I feel both ways. I'm like, I can't believe he's already five months. Where does the time go? But also I can't believe it's only been five months since you gave birth. You're like telling the story. And I'm like, that wasn't that long ago. I'm realizing.

SPEAKER_00: 59:42

Yeah. No, it's crazy. Like, I can't believe he's five months, but it's also I have an outfit for him that I had. So when he came out, he was under six pounds. And so he was in theory a preemie. So I had preemie ones he said he barely fit into.

SPEAKER_02: 59:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 59:58

And I have one that was. Three to six months, and just the comparison of how much he has grown. It it was crazy because I'm like, Yeah, he's he's grown, he's getting bigger. But I saw that I was like, Oh, he's grown. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:12

Once you do that comparison, I saw you took a picture, I saw the onesies, I was like, Whoa, like that that was your little baby, and now you've got this five-month-old. I know, and he was healthy. Obviously, 37 weeks they felt it was Afis option and no NICU time or anything. He was healthy, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:29

He was healthy, and so part of the reason that I went with with Northwestern is because at CDH Lurries is there, so if anything happened, we would be prepared. And so the NICU was actually there for the C section, just to make sure. So they checked him out and everything checked out fine. And they're like, he's good. Okay. Amazing. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_02: 1:00:51

Yeah, Noah was 37 and 37 and one. And I was to it's funny how everything you look at it in different ways. Cause for me, I was like, oh my gosh, he's huge because Hunter was 24 weeks, but then knowing and more learning more and just like seeing people give birth and knowing longer is better always. Yeah. Um closer to that due date, but perfectly healthy. Yeah. They're right. 37 weeks, everything is good to go. Yeah, yeah. So now you're in motherhood. Obviously, you have a little one. So just answer the best you can in these early months. But like, how has motherhood thus far changed you in ways that you didn't expect? Oh, good question.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:30

So, first of all, made me realize that even though I love sleep, I don't need as much as I was getting before. Can still function. Yeah. But I think the biggest thing was people would say, you're gonna know like true love. You're going to love this baby more than anything in the world. And I'm like, Yeah, I know, I already love you. So I've done it, and I want to protect it. And the amount of love that I have for him hurts. Yeah. It's one of those where you don't truly realize it until you're in it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:01:59

Yeah. Even if you dream about it your whole life, like dreaming about a mom and what's just gonna be this amazing thing, you are so right until you are staring at them and you're like, no, I don't even know how to describe it. It's painful. I love you so much.

SPEAKER_00: 1:02:12

Yes, I know exactly. Yeah, and it's also, I think, like I've always been independent and just living life, but being able to say that I'm growing a human and taking care of a baby and turning him into an grown-up. There's just something about it, just to be like, women can do anything, you can do anything you want. Yes, I think, and still like you can have both things. You can have the job, you can have the baby.

SPEAKER_02: 1:02:40

Like, yeah, that honestly is the one of the most inspiring things of your journey, at least for me, is that I love watching you go after what you want because when there's a will, there's a way, like there's a way. If it's what you want, like you can do it, and women are amazing. And just like anything, you know how people people might doubt, not just you or me, but like anyone listening might doubt your choices because they love you. They might be like, Do you got this? Are you sure you can do this? Is this the best choice? Right. And like you will rise to the occasion. Like, no one knows what that's gonna look like until you're in it. And I think especially for people who have a journey or who are choosing motherhood by choice, whether it's on your own or with a partner, you're making the choice to like go take the extra steps and choose it. Like it's always gonna work out because you're doing it. You're doing it before you have the baby, you're already sacrificing, you're already learning more about yourself. And I think that's like paving the way for motherhood.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:38

No, I agree, and I do want to amend. Yes, I'm a working, I have to work, but I think stay-at-home moms like amazing because that job never stops. So I don't want to, I don't want it to seem like I'm not acknowledging.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:52

No, it's two different hearts. They're equally hard, equally rewarding, just different. I've done it both, and I've had friends that have done one, done the other, done both. Like it is, it's all equally rewarding and hard. Yeah. The job never stops. Whether you're at home the whole time or you're at work and then at home with your kid, you're always working, you're always in it. Yes, yeah. Okay, it's so funny because before we recorded, I said that I would keep this, keep it focused and tight. And I just love to know all the things. So let me try and reel it in for a second. Your story, like I said, has always given me chills because it's been so amazing just watching you go after what you want, and it is surreal seeing you holding your son like it is amazing. What would you say to someone who might be on the frence about freezing their eggs right now? We'll we'll talk about both of your because it's two journeys in one, because I having the reassurance and re-freezing your eggs was like the one part, but then you did decide to pursue it and you did the process again. So let's say for someone who's at the beginning or on the fence, I'd say, of freezing their eggs, like right now, what would you say to that person?

SPEAKER_00: 1:05:03

I would ask them if it's something that they truly want, or if it's something where they're like on the fence of maybe I want a baby, maybe I don't, because I think it's very important. If you don't want to have a baby, it's that you don't want to go through it because there is a lot. There's the shots, there's the medication, there's the doctor follow-ups. And if you do not have that end goal, it's it would be very easy to be like, you know what, don't want to do this, and then there's that effort and money that you put into it. I think that if it is something that you are on the fence of wanting a baby or you know that you do want it, go for it. Talk to your insurance provider, see what's covered, see what's not. There are financial assistance programs and do research on the fertility clinics because where I went through for my egg freezing was completely different than what I did for IUI and I. And I wish that I went through the same fertility clinic that I did IUI with, then I did with my egg freezing.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:08

Yeah. That's a really good thing to bring up. Yeah, do your research ahead of time and look into options because I like I didn't even know that it was different from when you started till now as far as like coverage and things like that. And it's always changing. So definitely look into that. But I think one of the most important things you said was if you're pretty confident that like you don't want kids, don't freeze your eggs because people are pressuring you or whatever, because it is a big undertaking, like you said. But if it's hard to tell the future and it's hard to know who you're gonna meet or what you're gonna want, and priorities change, but like time keeps going. So even if it's like a maybe for you, I think it's worth doing looking into for somebody because you don't want to have to look back and be like, oh, now I do, and now it's harder or whatever.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:50

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and I will say, like, when you are in it, it's hard, it's not an easy journey. There are a lot of tears, there's a lot of emotion. Then honestly, there's heartbreak, but keep going because the end result makes everything worth it, and you end up like that you went through that journey. You know that your heart broke so many times. But when you have your baby, when you have what you want, it's amazing, it's worth it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:19

Yeah. And not that any of the steps are small, and like you said, it's a lot, but I don't know if you feel this way. But kind of like you just said, I know once I had a baby in my arms, not that I forgot about everything I went through, it felt so much smaller because I was like, that doesn't matter. I can't believe it. Like I did it, like we did it, and it's so scary when you're going into it because you're like, how am I gonna pay for this? How am I gonna handle it? How am I gonna figure it all out? And then once you have your baby in your arms, it's oh, I don't know how I did it, but it's fine. It's fine now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:51

Then we're here, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:52

Yeah, and if anything, you learn like we can do hard things.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:55

That is so true.

SPEAKER_02: 1:07:57

So on the other end of your journey, when it comes to choosing single motherhood, what would you say to someone who maybe that's on their mind, but there's a lot of fear? What would you say to that person who might be considering that as an option?

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:09

You can do it if you truly want it, you can do it. Again, it's it's not easy, but I don't think it's easy if even if you have a partner. And so there's some differences, but you can build your village, you can find support. I'm lucky enough that my family lives very close, so I can lean on them. I have amazing friends that I can lean on, but find those people that you can lean on because they will be an extension of you and help you get through it.

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:39

100% villages look all different ways, and that doesn't even mean partners. And honestly, some of the biggest supporters in my village are women. It's not necessarily my partner. Like, God love him. He's the best dad. But on the day to day, I'm turning to my mom, my friends, other moms. It's the village you build that's gonna be there for you because they get it, and they'll get it when you're in the thick of it and need support. So that is great advice. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:06

And I was thinking about I was feeding him one time and I was like, Oh, I wish I had someone where I could just someone could wake up with him and feed him. And then I was like, how angry would I be if that person did not wake up and I was still like and I was still doing it on my own. I was like, this might actually be better for me. Like, I'm not even kidding.

SPEAKER_02: 1:09:26

I've thought about it, like anyone who is considering this, there are flip sides to every choice that we make, and they're not always easier or harder or better or worse. They're just different because parenthood's hard, whether you're by yourself or with someone else. But sometimes if you've got someone else there, sometimes it's easier. Like you said, you can hand them off, but also sometimes it's harder because everyone's tired, everyone's angry at each other. It's a lot, like we do things differently, a lot of things going on. You have to get on the same page with so many things. It's all beautiful, it's all just different paths. To wrap this up, I really wanted to ask you what are you most excited about as you look ahead with your son?

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:06

I think I'm most excited about watching him grow and learn. Every day he's learning something new, he's getting bigger and he's figuring out life. And the amount of excitement that I have of he just learned how to go from his back to his belly. Yeah, that is so exciting. And soon it's going to be words, soon it's going to be eating solids, and it's going to be walking. So I'm most excited to see like him learn, but also the person he's going to turn into.

SPEAKER_02: 1:10:34

I know it's so fun. It's so rewarding watching your baby learn. Every you're so right. Like everything. I don't care if they like learn how to say hi or literally look at something for the first time. You're like, oh my gosh. It's all fun and new and exciting. And it doesn't stop. I can say that. I'm just about to be eight. And like the things he's telling me that he knows, or like when he's trying new instruments or sport or something, I'm like, this is amazing. Your own kids are always gonna be amazing, but it's so rewarding and fun. It's like living life through a different lens, like watching them do things. It's amazing. Yeah. Tinan, thank you so much for joining me again. I just needed other people to hear your story. It is such a story of seriously strength, hope, persistence, and just this amazing miracle at the end. And I'm so grateful that you came back on to chat with me and share the rest of this story and have this total full circle moment for where you're at right now.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:28

Thank you for having me. It's been fun. I've enjoyed talking with you and telling my story.

SPEAKER_02: 1:11:33

Yay! I can't wait till Oliver's old enough to. Oh, I just thought of one question that I wanted to ask you this whole time. So I'm gonna ask you before we go, have you thought about in the future sharing this story with Oliver and like how he was conceived? And what do you envision that looking like when he's old enough?

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:52

Yeah, and that just reminded me of a fear I had of him asking, like, where's my dad? Why don't I have a dad? And so I'm still figuring out the actual story of how to tell him, but I do want him to know his background and how he came to be. So at a very young age, I will be introducing like I made this decision. I like out of love, you you came into this world, and someone was so generous and so sweet to be able to support and help make this happen. And just knowing that he can, and this will probably be like in future years, not when he's a toddler.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:32

Yeah, this is where I'm sure it'll change over the years as he grows.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:36

He can reach out. Like I will let him know about the agency. I will give him the choice to say you can reach out, but also know the donor has a choice of whether or not he actually wants to meet. So if you want to meet him, you can take the steps. If you don't, then you don't have to, but just know that you came out of love.

SPEAKER_02: 1:12:58

What a story and what a testament to just how much he was wanted and loved. I think about that all the time. But I think it's important to share these stories, not just to like educate our kids, just remind them that this isn't a story of lack or a story of suffering or like hardship. This is this is your story, and it's because you were so loved and so wanted that you're here. And then, of course, as our kids get older, it's just the education piece, and when they want to become parents, just knowing that there's so many family building options out there and you don't have to be limited to the typical story that you know. So that's amazing. I can see why it would be a fear of like him asking, but you are more than equipped to explain this amazing story. You are gonna do just amazing. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:40

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:40

Sorry, I snuck that last question in, but it literally popped in my brain.

unknown: 1:13:45

Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:46

But it was awesome talking to you, friend. Thank you again for joining me on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:51

Of course, thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_02: 1:13:53

Thank you so much for listening to today's conversation with Allison. I hope hearing her journey from freezing her eggs to single motherhood by choice to IVF, pregnancy, and now life with her beautiful baby reminded you that there's no one right timeline, no one right path, and no single definition of how motherhood is supposed to happen. Stories like Allison's are exactly why I believe in the power of sharing real experiences. Not to compare, not to pressure, but to remind you that options exist. Paths evolve, and sometimes the decisions you make simply give you room to see what unfolds. If this episode resonated with you and you're craving deeper connection, I want to invite you to stay close. I'll be hosting both in-person and virtual meetups in the coming months, spaces for honest conversation, community, and support. The best way to stay in the loop is by joining my email list where I'll be sharing all the details first. You'll also hear more about your Fertility Village, a growing online community for women navigating fertility, loss, delayed parenting, and motherhood in all its forms. You can find the link to join the email list in the show notes. Thank you for being here, for listening with an open heart, and for allowing these conversations to meet you wherever you are. Until next time, take care of yourself, trust your timing, and remember, you don't have to walk this journey alone.