EP 137: The Kids Are Back to School… What About Us?

A Her Village Solo Episode 🎙️

The backpacks are packed, the school supplies are labeled, and the kids are settling back into their routines. But once we’ve gotten everyone else where they need to be… what about us?

In this solo episode, I’m talking about the back-to-school season as more than just a reset for our kids. It can be a reset for us, too.

Not in a reinvent your entire life now that the kids are in school kind of way. But as an opportunity to check in with ourselves and ask: What do I want this next season to feel like?

We’re talking about the routines we want to come back to, the things we may be ready to let go of, the parts of ourselves that have gotten pushed aside, and how to make a little more room for what fills us up.

Because motherhood has a way of dividing life into seasons—and sometimes a new season is exactly the invitation we need to reconnect with ourselves.

In this episode:

• Why back-to-school can feel like a fresh start for moms, too
• The difference between adding more to our plates and making intentional changes
• Taking inventory of what worked (and what didn’t) this summer
• Reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that exist outside of motherhood
• Thinking about how we actually want this next season to feel
• Starting small instead of trying to overhaul everything at once

And if connection is one of the things you’re craving in this season, that’s exactly why I’m building Her Village—a place for women to connect with themselves, each other, and their local community, both through these conversations and in real life.

🎧 Hit play, take a walk, pour another cup of coffee, and spend a little time thinking about what you want from this next season.

I’ll be right here when you come back to hit play.

Transcript

 Hey friends, welcome back to Her Village. So the backpacks are packed, or maybe they're currently sitting on your floor surrounded by 12 things you're supposed to label. The school supplies have been purchased, the emails are coming in, teachers have been assigned, calendars are filling back up, and whether your kids have already gone back to school or you're counting down the days, there's this obvious shift happening. Summer is ending My kids back to school on Monday. Well, I should say my boys did . My daughter's preschool doesn't start for a few more weeks. But I don't know about you, but back to school season always feels a little bit like a second new year. Maybe it's the Capricorn in me or the Type A in my personality, but I love prepping for a new year, and I love getting excited about a new school year as well. There's this, like, natural reset built into it. You know, they've got new teachers, new classrooms, new activities, new school schedules, earlier bedtimes, earlier mornings. But we spend so much time thinking about what this transition means for our kids, right? Like, what do they need? Are they ready? Do their clothes still fit? I know I've, this last two weeks, have been doing all those kinds of things. We've been going through their closets. If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen that I'm doing a bit of a room swap over this last month. Our office is gonna be our boys' bedroom now, and our boys' bedroom is going to be our office. It'll just give them more space, more closet space, um, but it's been a process. So in that process, uh, this past week, we've been going through their closet and going through clothes. Do they need socks? What fits? What doesn't? And along with that, you know, do they have everything on the supply list, which spoiler alert, I, for the last couple years, just order the school supplies through the school. It's easy. They get exactly what they need. But, you know, we're still missing, of course, things like their smock and their headphones and whatever else the classroom needs. So I had to make a mental note to do that. But, you know, are the kids ready? Do their clothes fit? How are they feeling about their teacher? Who's in their class? What activities are happening this fall? How are we going to make the after-school schedule work? That's always a fun end of summer thing I like to piece together. You know, what activities are each kid doing, and can we make it work where they're on different days? Because my husband travels almost every week for work, and it turns out I can't be two places at once, With a toddler in tow as well. So yeah, somewhere in all of that planning, I've actually been thinking about a different question. What about us? What about us, the moms, the women in this season of life? What does this next season look for us? Because our kids aren't the only ones moving into a new season. We are, too. And maybe instead of just resetting everyone else's routines, this is an opportunity to ask ourselves, "What do I want my life to feel like this fall?" Not what do I need to accomplish, not what should I finally get around to doing. We're all good at those lists. Not how can I become more productive now that summer is over. No, no, no. I'm talking about, like, how do I want to feel? Because those are very different questions. And I think these questions are really important to ask ourselves because if we don't be intentional about what we want this next season, what we want fall, the beginning of the school year to look like for us, we will get swept up in the schedules, on the hamster wheel, getting sucked into everybody else's priorities, and before we know it, we're in holiday overwhelm and setting intentions for the new year, when really we don't even know what just happened the last few months. So I really want you to hear me when I say ask yourself these questions. How do you want to feel in this next season? Because there's definitely this trap that a lot of us can fall into in this back to school time of year. We look at the calendar and think, "Okay, once the kids go back to school, I'll finally get my life together." I know I've been like this. I've been accidentally doing this in the last few weeks, you know? Oh, I'll clean out every closet when they, when they go to school, and I'll work out five times a week. I'll meal prep, I'll organize the house, I'll get ahead with all my work. I'll finally start that project, and I'll make all the appointments because I'll have all this time, and then ... I start to think, you know, crazier thoughts like, "I'll volunteer. I'll get to answer all my emails right away, and I'll finally do everything I've been putting off since approximately the end of May." And suddenly, we're taking whatever breathing room this season might have created and filled every inch of it before it even begins. And listen, I love a fresh start, I really do. I love what a new school year signifies, just like I love what a new year signifies. But there's something about a new school year and a fresh calendar that makes me want to buy organizational bins and convince myself that this is finally the year I'm going to become the kind of person who has a perfectly organized pantry. But, you know, I also know myself, and I'm realizing more and more that I don't necessarily need another system, right? 'Cause how many times have we started these things only to feel behind again, or only to feel like, "Oh, why, why can't I get this done?" Or, "Why isn't this system working for me?" Sometimes we don't need another system. Sometimes I need more space, and I bet sometimes you need more space, too. And I wonder how many of us are so used to filling every available pocket of time that when a little bit of space finally opens up, our first instinct is to immediately give it away, you know, to our house, our jobs, our kids, errands, obligations, all the things we've decided that we should be doing. So before we do that this fall, and we're in this together here because I'm, I'm not speaking as an expert. I'm not here to give you all these, like, back to school tips. No, no. I am just talking one woman to another, and we're in this together. So before we do that this fall, maybe we can just sit with the empty space for a minute Here's a question I've been asking myself as I've been thinking about all of this, and that's what do I actually need in this next season? And I, of course, I think the answer can be incredibly different depending on where you are. You know, maybe you work full-time and back to school doesn't suddenly hand you six quiet hours every day. You've been juggling things all summer with childcare, but you're still putting in your eight hours of work. It might look different, but, you know, maybe back to school isn't this like, "Ah, the kids are at school. Now everything's quiet." You know, you've been working full days this whole time. Maybe back to school actually makes life more complicated for you. You're coordinating drop-off and pick-up and childcare and homework and sports while still doing the exact same job you were doing all summer. Or maybe you're home with your kids, and you've spent the last three months being needed approximately, uh, every 14 seconds. How about the, "Can I have a snack? Can I have a snack? I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm bored. I'm bored." That's been a fun, fun journey this summer for me. Maybe you're genuinely excited to have some quiet time, if that's your case. Maybe you have a toddler who's still home with you, like I do, so, you know, let's not get carried away with the phrase quiet Maybe you're sending your youngest to school for the first time, and the house is about to feel much emptier than you're prepared for. Maybe back to school is making you a little nervous or uneasy about this change and growth in your family. Or maybe you're thrilled about that. I'm not here to judge. It is, uh, for me, I feel all the feelings when it comes to school and my kids growing up. I am excited for them, and I'm excited for structure and peace and a little more quiet, but I'm also sad that they're growing up and that they're gonna spend more time without me and all the things. Whether you're thrilled or devastated, maybe you're both. Maybe you're entering the season just exhausted or energized or lonely or motivated, that's kinda where I'm at, or completely unsure of what comes next. I, for one, am not trying to get ahead of myself because I feel a lot of mixed emotions with the ages of my kids. I am excited for my sons. They're going into first and third grade. They are familiar with their school. They have some friends. I think they're gonna enjoy the activities we plan for this fall, and I definitely think structure is going to be good for them again, and I know it's going to be good for me. This summer was a bit of a Wild Wild West experience for us. Um, we only had, like, one trip planned. We did a random staycation that was only, like, a couple days. Boys had a few camps that were, like, a few hours in the morning. But other than that, the plan was to swim and just, like, have popsicles and do summer and just, like, have less structure. And while that would've been a good plan, um, the weather didn't love that plan, and we spent, you know, half the summer with rain and tornadoes and air quality issues and all the things. So this summer, for me, has resulted in a lot of my family spending time with each other. Josh wasn't traveling as much for work, so my husband was home. My kids were home. I was home. We spent a lotta time inside together. And without structure, I can honestly say, uh, nobody in my family thrives that well without structure. It was fun for a little bit when my kids first got out of school, you know, and summer started and we were having lazy mornings and everything. But man, oh, man, this last month of summer really tested us all. So I am excited for my boys to go back to school, and I am trying to not get overly excited, though, about all the fake time I think I'm going to have, like I mentioned, because We don't wanna fill every space with something to do. And then also, I have a two-year-old, and while she is going to be going to a preschool program four days a week, um, half the time it'll be, like, two and a half hours, the other half it'll be, like, three and a half, four hours, um, I- she's still home with me the rest of the time, and that's still another pickup and drop-off. And so she will absolutely enjoy being around other kids and having a great time, but it's not as freedom-based as I think it is in my mind. You know, I keep thinking, "Yes, I can't wait till they go back to school and I have some time for myself," but it's not all the time that I imagine in my head. So I'm trying to stay realistic here If you're completely unsure of what comes next, that's totally cool too. I know some people are just, like, surviving right now, maybe not thriving as we step into this school season. There truly isn't one right way to feel about your kids going back to school, and there isn't one right thing you should do with this season either. So that's why I think this question has to start with you. What do you need? What do you wanna feel going into the fall? Maybe you don't need a reinvention, okay? Let's not, make this a whole thing. I think we're constantly being sold the idea that every transition needs to become a reinvention. You know, new year, new you, summer body, fall reset, new routine, habits, new goals. I think we can scale that back, you guys. I don't think we need to put that much pressure on ourselves. Maybe this season isn't becoming a new version of yourself at all. Maybe it's actually about returning to a version of yourself you hadn't had much access to lately. That's how I've been feeling. It's why I created Her Village. I was feeling it at the beginning of this year. I've kind of lost it in the summer with the busyness of just occupying the kids and being home a lot and, and all of that. But now, for me, fall, I hope, looks like coming back to myself and helping other women do the same. Maybe it's something as simple as you just wanna read again. Maybe you wanna move your body because it makes you feel good, not because you're trying to push yourself, or punish yourself for that matter for all you ate all summer, but just because it makes you feel good. Maybe sitting in a coffee shop by yourself sounds lovely. I know that is one thing that I am looking forward to. I genuinely find so much joy in exploring local coffee shops in Naperville and the surrounding suburbs by me, sitting there, supporting local, getting stuff done, having a nice beverage, slowing down, but, like, feeling accomplished and relaxed all in one sitting. Maybe you wanna see your friends. A lot of people travel all summer. I know that I haven't seen my friends as much as I'd like. My kids didn't see their friends as much as they'd like. We've just been trying to catch up with people when our schedules align, but there's so much travel and camps and things that go on in the summer that can be hard to do. So this fall, if that's on your mind, I know it is for me, prioritize seeing your friends, prioritize going on a date with your husband or your partner. Maybe you wanna put energy into your career this fall. I know I am excited to have more energy to put into Her Village and the podcast because, summer was a lot of staying up late and not having a routine, and physically having energy has been lacking. So getting a more structured sleep schedule and work schedule will feel good. Maybe there's something creative you've been wanting to do. Maybe you want to finally make an appointment you've been putting off. I always have a million appointments I put off, so that's on my list for sure. Maybe you just wanna take a nap. Do it, okay? Make space for that. I'm not much of a napper. Like, if I'm napping, I am sincerely unwell. Um, and my husband knows that. I have to be like so exhausted or overwhelmed or just like shut down that that's like me taking a nap. I cannot take naps for whatever reason. It's hard for me to slow my brain down. Maybe you can relate. Maybe the thing that's on your mind that you just wanna do this fall is like walk around Target completely alone and not have anyone ask you for a snack. Whatever it is, all of these things are totally valid, but I think there's something powerful about asking, "What have I been missing?" Like, what have I been missing in my life? Not what have I been failing at. We always go there, right? I-- Like for me, I'm like, oh my gosh, I've been failing at waking up early and, and prioritizing my workouts or whatever it is this summer. So don't ask that. Don't ask what you've been failing at. Ask yourself, "What have I been missing? What makes me feel more like myself? And then where could I put a little bit more of that into my life this season? I promise you, changing this mind shift a little bit will not only help you , to be intentional with your time, but it will make you feel so good about yourself because you are prioritizing how you wanna feel and the things that are gonna help you to get there And here's the other part of this, of this whole back to school situation I've been thinking about. Whatever you decide you want this fall to feel like has to fit into the life like you're actually living, not your imaginary life. This kind of goes back to the New Year's thing and how we all just wanna be like this new person and like better at everything. That's not what we're doing here, okay? This has to fit into the life you're actually living, not some imaginary life you wish you had. This is something I personally have to remind myself of constantly because, you know, imaginary me, she's incredible. She wakes up early. She works out before any of her kids wake up. She meal preps, has a skincare routine. I'm ahead on work. You know, my house is obviously always clean. Um, I'm very hydrated. Apparently I have no children in this scenario, and I, I don't know where they went. But real life me has an actual family, right? And responsibilities and interruptions, and weeks where somebody gets sick, and mornings where we can't even just like find a shoe for somebody, right? And we also have our own personal health and feelings, I know for me, at this age, I know when I am having a week in my month each month where I feel like I want to blow up everything I'm working on and start over And I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis. And I don't know, may- maybe it's perimenopause, my hormones shifting or whatever it is, but at least one week a month, I feel that way. And I finally have like realized this pattern, and so I'm conscious of it. And those weeks, I slow down. I don't try to start anything new. I just pay attention to myself and give myself some grace because if I don't, then I start to spiral and I make up problems that aren't there. So, all that to share just so you can remember that like life is not perfect. This imaginary life where everything's going well, like that's just not real, okay? We have families and responsibilities and interruptions in careers and all the things that we can't control all the time, so. I'm not interested in creating some elaborate fall routine that falls apart by September. All right? I'm much more interested in asking, What are a few things that would make my actual days feel better? Maybe that's one morning a week that belongs to you, okay? Maybe it's just putting a walk on the calendar. Maybe it's finally having lunch with the friend you've been texting. You know, we need to get together. You're doing that for six months. Like actually do it. Put it on the calendar. Maybe it's protecting one evening where nobody has an activity. I have done this and I highly suggest it. Um, and this started, I don't know, maybe it was a couple years ago when one of my sons had a Friday after school... Actually it was like a Friday at 5:00 or 5:30 soccer practice, and I was like, "Nope. After that season, no, no, I'm not doing Friday activities again." I like to end my week. I like to relax. I like to keep that open for stuff as a family, even if that's just like watching a movie and eating pizza and staying in that night. I don't wanna be rushing around to practices and everything. So that's one I highly suggest doing. You know, protect one evening where nobody has an activity, a day where you can just take a breather, okay? Maybe, you know, something that would actually make your days feel better looks like, um, something easier at home. Making something easy at home instead of constantly trying to do it better. That's something I've been working on. Decided I'm done trying to create this like Pinterest-worthy house, and I've been working on making this house work for us, if that makes sense. I've been simplifying and, even if it doesn't look aesthetically pleasing, I am putting things where we need them. I am raising neurodivergent children. We live in a very neurodivergent household with ADHD and autism, and Certain tasks and routines need assistance, whether it's a visual reminder, easy access to things we need for school or getting out of the house, timers. I am setting us up for success. So like I am not r- you know, redoing our whole house and making it look like this beautiful magazine-worthy place. I've decided I'm just going to make some things easier at home instead of myself just trying to be better. I'm trying to help everyone else, give them the tools, everyone in my family, give them the tools to help them do things more efficiently because I'm one person, you are one person. We can't make everything perfect, but we can help ourselves and make things easier. Maybe in this season, you're gonna decide that you're gonna stop saying yes to things you don't actually want to do. I've been doing that over the last year, and I highly suggest it. Somebody asks you to do some activity that's like out of your way or like doesn't fit with your schedule and you feel guilty or you're like, "Oh, I haven't seen them in a while," or, "I should go," maybe just don't. Don't do that. If it's not something you wanna do, don't do that. Okay? I am here to help you find the people and the activities and the things in your community that you actually want to do because I struggled with that for a while. I was filling my calendar with all these things and having surface-level conversations and joining this book club and that activity, and finally I'm like, "Why? I don't want to book up my calendar more. I just need to be intentional with the kinds of things I'm saying yes to, things that truly bring me joy, things that are truly worth my time and enhance my life." So maybe think about that. Stop saying yes to things you don't actually wanna do. Okay? We only have so much time in our days and in our weeks, and you should spend it how you want to. All of these are examples. Obviously, hopefully this was just a jumping-off point for you so you can think about what are a few things that might actually make your days feel better this fall, and none of this has to be dramatic to change the way your life feels. I just gave a bunch of small examples, and you'll be surprised how small shifts can make you feel so much better in your day-to-day life And obviously, because this is Her Village, I absolutely wanna talk about connection because I think friendship is one of the first things we tell ourselves we'll get to when everything else is handled, right? I don't think friendship should be something that's on the bottom of your to-do list. I think it should be something in your life that you absolutely prioritize. G-we're really good at having all of these excuses for finding more time for friends, right? When the schedule calms down, when work isn't busy, uh, when the kids aren't playing three sports, once my kids aren't so young it'll be easier, when the house is clean, when life settles. And then somehow six months go by, right? And I don't think connection can always be the thing we squeeze into whatever space happens to be left over. Sometimes we have to make the space, and it doesn't have to mean adding another giant commitment to your calendar. Just text someone and ask her to walk with you after drop-off. Grab coffee with someone before work. Invite someone to sit with you at your kid's practice instead of you both, like, scrolling your phones in separate cars. Or be the person who sends that invitation. Or if you're thinking, "Okay, but, like, I don't have that person. I don't have that friend," that's exactly why I keep talking about building your village. Adult friendship just isn't something we always just m-magically stumble into. Sometimes we have to create opportunities for it. We have to go somewhere where we don't know anyone. We have to introduce ourselves, follow up, and we have to be willing to be the new person, which can be uncomfortable. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but I think the alternative, you know, waiting for connection to somehow arrive at your front door, is a lot less likely to work. So don't overthink it. And like I said earlier, don't also feel like you have to say yes to everything. Put yourself out there, feel it out, but don't be afraid to... You know, you go to one book club and you have to decide, like, "Okay, this is my friend group now. Now I need to make sure I show up at this and text this person and be in this text thread." No, no, no, no. You'll know when you get there. You'll know the feeling the people give you. You'll know how you feel during the experience, and then you can decide what you prioritize. But unless you put yourself out there and introduce yourself and do the uncomfortable thing, you won't have these friendships just magically arrive at your door, right? So along with putting yourself out there and growing and kind of making this season of life a little bit easier for you and feeling the way you wanna feel this fall, I wanna talk about how, we always talk about our kids. Our kids get to grow. Every year, you know, everyone's taking the pictures of their children at the front door with their, their new grade that they're entering, how old they are, what they wanna be when they grow up. Guess what? We get to grow, too. You, you are not a finished product, okay? I don't care if you are a 20-something or a 50-something or somewhere in between, you are not done growing and learning and evolving. And I've been thinking about that a lot as we head into this new school year because our kids are constantly becoming new versions of themselves, we don't even realize it's happening half the time, and then we just stare at our kid like I did the other day. My eight-year-old, almost eight-and-a-half-year-old, and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, he, is so tall." And sometimes his conversations or things he says, I'm just like, "Whoa," like, "you're not little guy anymore. You're getting so big." Ugh, every year we, we expect it, right? Our kids are growing, and we celebrate it. They're learning new things. My six-year-old this summer had a big summer. He got so much more confident in his swimming. He lost his first tooth, and now he's riding his bike without training wheels. And so it's happening, right? It's happening before our eyes. They're trying new activities. They're developing new interests. They're becoming more independent. We don't expect our eight-year-old to be exactly who they were at seven, right? So why do we sometimes act like adulthood is supposed to be this point where we just arrive and then just stay there? You're allowed to change, too. You're allowed to discover that something that used to work for you doesn't anymore. You're also allowed to want something different. You're allowed to start something, stop something, and meet new people, right? Find a new interest. Care less about something you used to care deeply about. That's fine. Care deeply about something you never expected you would. Your kids aren't the only people in your family who are still becoming. You are still becoming, too. And I think sometimes motherhood makes that really easy to forget because we're so close to their growth, and we're so involved with guiding them to try the new interests, to make the new friends, to learn new skills and be more independent. We're so heavily in touch with what they are doing or not doing, and we're measuring their height on the wall. You know, we're buying the next shoe size up. We're watching them move from preschool to kindergarten to elementary school and beyond. Their growth is so visible, and ours isn't always. But that doesn't mean it isn't happening So here's my challenge for you and for me. Remember, we're in this together. This isn't-- I'm not preaching as an expert. I am just sharing my thoughts on the whole thing, my experience, and where I want myself to go, too. So this is a challenge for you and for me. Before the school year gets completely underway and the calendar fills up again, take 10 minutes. All right? Just 10 minutes. Not to make a giant list, not to overhaul your life, but just ask yourself a few questions. And you know what? I'll put these in the show notes, so, like, don't feel like you have to jot them down now. You can copy and paste them later. But the few questions I want you to ask yourself are: How do I wanna feel this fall? What have I been missing? What do I want more of? What do I want less of? Who do I want to spend more time with? And what is one thing I can put on my calendar that is just for me? And actually, maybe the biggest question here is when we get to December, what would make me look back and think, "That was a really good season of my life"? Not a productive season. I don't want you to have to look back and be like, "What did I accomplish?" Like, not a perfect season, a good one. Because maybe the kids going back to school doesn't need to be our cue to get more done. We can rework the way we think about this. Maybe it can be our cue to check back in with ourselves. They get their new teachers and new classrooms and new routines, and we get a new season, too. We get to decide what we wanna do with it. So while you're labeling the water bottles and figuring out the bus schedule and trying to remember which child needs gym shoes on which day, don't forget to put yourself somewhere in the plan. Not because you need to become a better version of yourself this fall, because you're a person living this season too, and you deserve to experience it, not just manage it for everyone else. We're human too. As women, we are human too. I wanna take this pause here just to say, even if you're not a mom, I mean, you know, kids go back to school in the fall, and fall is a new season, I want you to hear this whole conversation as well, because it's not just for the moms. Anytime there's a new season or a shift in the year, it's always a great opportunity to check back in with yourself and to realize that you deserve to experience life too, not just manage it for other people. Whether that's in your career or your personal life, you deserve to experience life the way you want to. And I'll be thinking about these questions right alongside you. If you're not yet, join us in the Her Village Founders group on Facebook or send me a message on Instagram at hervillagehq, and we can hold each other accountable with these questions, right? I'll remind you of them throughout the fall, and we'll check back in in December so we can answer these questions honestly and see if we had a good season And if one of the things you're craving this season is more connection, I hope you'll come find us offline through Her Village. Come grab a coffee, come to a Village night. We recently did some trivia and beer tastings, and it was so much fun. There was a group of about six of us. Um, we got 13th place in trivia, so that didn't go so well, but we laughed a lot. And so that was totally worth it and so much fun. Next week, we're grabbing coffee at a local coffee shop that I've never been to, that I'm super excited about, and we are also going to be joined by a local mom who has her own granola company that she started, so we'll get to sample some of that. But come grab coffee with us. Meet us. Come to a Village night. Come sit at the table even if you don't know anyone yet. You don't have to have your whole fall figured out, okay? Hear me when I say that. You don't have to have it all figured out. Maybe you just need one thing on the calendar that makes you look forward to being there. And until next time, take care of yourself, find your people, and I'll be right here when you come back to hit play